Jared RPS/RPF--I was just thinking, PG-13
Title: I was just thinking, I have been missing you for way too long.
Author: stare_at_walls
Pairings/Characters: Jared Padalecki/Sandy McCoy, Jensen Ackles.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3000+
Summary: Jared's break-up with Sandy. This is how it happened, really. Miles of distance and people they don't know. This is how they compromise: Everytime Jared has to shoot for Supernatural episodes, Sandy stays in L.A. to pursue auditions, different workshops, things like that. Jared promises to call once a week, or she calls him during her free time.
Notes/Warnings: Heterosexual fiction. Awesome beta by bittersplendor, thanks BB. This is not meant to insult or make fun of Jared in anyway. I know the topic is a bit taboo--it's directly about the engagement and break-up, but the plot swam in my head. Play or download the song and play it in REPEAT or something. I meant the song to be listened to while reading. Music widget is also there to help if you don't want to download the song.
Disclaimer: Fiction. Not true. I respect Jared and hope for the best. Song and story title by Teitur--I was just thinking.
Teitur--I was just thinking
I was just thinking that I have been missing you for way too long
There's something inside this weary head that wants us to love just instead
But I was just thinking, merely thinking I've got loads of pictures
I've got the one of you in that dancing dress
But man I feel silly in that dim light just after doing you by the sight of My Kodak delights
I am sinking, merely sinking
It's been three years of the whole relationship, and Jared's pretty sure they've got the whole thing down pat.
This is how they compromise: Everytime Jared has to shoot for Supernatural episodes, Sandy stays in L.A. to pursue auditions, different workshops, things like that. Jared promises to call once a week, or she calls him during her free time.
When he first goes off to Vancouver, Sandy gives a little smile, says, "Vancouver's a far place, isn't it?" stretching the word "far" with her hands behind her, clasped together, her eyes on anything but Jared. Her voice is a little high-pitched, as if she was trying to be nonchalant about it. Jared knows what she's trying to say--they both know what they mean. Jared just gives her the tightest, softest hug he can manage, hoping that every emotion he felt for her would seep through his arms into her heart.
But Vancouver is far, miles and miles of trees and cities and people they don't know.
They try to keep this void of distance filled by short calls about daily things, by small notes mailed for fun: hurried handwriting scrawled with "I love yous" or "I miss yous," e-mails with "how are yous?" when time becomes a luxury for either of them. It isn't always convenient though. Sometimes one of them calls the other at the most inopportune times, Jared's in the middle of shooting a scene and Sandy calls--making Jared all flustered and ending up with him flubbing his lines. Or sometimes Sandy's asleep after some particularly exhausting photoshoot and Jared calls her--and she wakes up, cranky but trying to be not pissed off when she hears Jared's voice.
But most of the time, Jared spends his time staring at the ceiling thinking of her when he's not with Jensen. Sometimes it isn't the ceiling he stares at, there are times when it's his script, or the cup of coffee Jensen's handed to him.
He finds himself with her number on his phone's screen, his thumb ghosting over the call button, then hesitantly clearing the number. He thinks of a lot of reasons why he can't call randomly: She's busy, she's sleeping, she's with friends, she's tired, she's tired of this, of being so far away. Jared wonders if she's tired of them--of this. He doesn't want to think of him being tired of it.
He still calls her every other week. In the weeks that he doesn't call, she does, so Jared thinks that maybe everything's going to be all right.
#######
He meets her in Paris. It was something he hadn't planned to do--meeting her in Paris. But he'd planned on asking her the question. Planned it for months, mulling it in his head in the most random of moments: eating dinner alone, at midnight with the ceiling staring back at him, during the free minutes they get in between the shoots, while looking at a photograph of them together in his phone--he'd even spaced out in front of Jensen once, Jensen snapping his fingers while laughing at him, asking him what his problem was.
Jared had dragged Jensen with him to find the perfect ring for Sandy. They couldn't find one he thought fit her right--to Jared not one ring fit her smiles and sunny laughter. All the rings were too silver, too elegant, too refined. Jared wanted one that captured her laughter in every gleam.
He doesn't give the ring another thought until he's on the plane to Paris.
In Paris, they'd both ran towards each other, not a single word uttered between them, arms just holding onto each other, bags spilling on the airport floor and everyone passing them by. On the ride home, they're laughing at each other, at things that happened when they weren't together, Paris and her beautiful landmarks forgotten and ignored.
#######
Their hotel room is the right amount of cool. Regardless of the fact that the sun was still out, they'd both crawled into the bed and under its covers. Jared shucks off his socks while trying not to sit-up, and Sandy takes off her jacket and flats. When they finally get comfortable enough they crawl under the sheets again, snuggle closer to each other, feeling their body heat on each other's skin.
Contrary to popular belief, couples don't always have sex when they see each other for the first time in ages.
They just lie in bed, sleep slowly washing itself over them. Sandy's languidly trailing her cold fingertips on Jared's ear, which is also a little cold. She rubs her index finger and thumb across his earlobe to warm it up. Jared grunts a little smile, eyes heavy with jetlag. His hand is on her neck, delicately rubbing small circles on her pulse point. Her eyelashes look longer when they're hooded with sleep and emotion. She looks so vulnerable, lips slightly parted and breathing slow. The sunset outside their hotel window sends a dusk-colored sunbeam over Jared's eyes, coloring his irises to a dazzling green-brown-blue combination.
They do this re-mapping of each other's face until they both fall asleep.
#######
Jared wakes up at 5 am with Sandy still sleeping in his arms.
He decides to ask her to marry him before they leave Paris--she'd always told him that Paris was one of her favorite places in the world. He untangles himself from her and looks for his phone. He calls his mom, wondering how he's going to start his question. He doesn't remember what time it is in Texas, doesn't bother knowing what time it is there--he just hopes he doesn't call them at a bad time.
After a few rings, his momma answers the phone. She sounds a little like she just woke up, but her smile is evident in her voice when she discovers that it's Jared calling. "Jay!" she'd half-cried, "How are you? Is Paris nice this time of the year?" He answers her questions, and warily pops his own question.
"Ma?" he asks, "I've got a favor to ask you."
She's silent for a few seconds, and her voice turns serious. "What is it, Jay?" she asks affectionately.
Jared's thoughts are starting to run fast in different directions--his rehearsed question tumbling into different parts. "I want to ask Sandy to marry me," he says.
He expects her to ask more questions, for more details, for more. Instead she just says, "Ok." and after a beat asks him, "are you sure?"
"Yes." he says, his voice sounding oddly small to him. "Ma, could you send me the ring Pop gave you when he asked you to marry him? I'll buy her another ring when we get back in L.A."
"Sure honey," his momma says, "It's great that you want to use my ring for this--I'm so proud of you JT..."
Jared gives a soft little laugh, and says "I love you, Ma." and clicks his phone shut.
#######
A few days later the concierge calls their room to inform them that a package is waiting for Jared at the lobby. Jared asks if they could send it over to their room. Sandy's in the shower when the messenger comes, and Jared asks the delivery guy to keep quiet as he signs the clipboard to let them know he got the package, and slowly closes their door.
He's able to hide the ring in his pocket when Sandy gets out of the shower, towel wrapped above her breasts and a towel wrapped like a turban on her head. A few damp stray strands of hair stick to her nape, water dripping a little across her back as Jared watches her walk inside the bedroom and close it behind her. He takes those few moments to call his mom and thank her.
When Sandy comes out, he asks her to dinner later at a quaint cafe they saw the other day. She gives a shy smile, teasingly asking him, "And what do you have planned for me, Mr. Padalecki?" while her hands gave a small playful slap on his arm, her eyes glittering with joy.
"Just you wait," Jared says, dimples showing a little. "Ms. McCoy." he finishes, trying to look as stoic as possible.
Sandy gives a louder giggle and slips her arm into his as they both walk out their hotel door.
#######
At dinner, over pasta and iced tea, he asks her the question.
He does it like this: "Hey, baby?" he begins, his hand reaching for hers. "Yeah?" she asks, still shaking from the last joke Jared just told her. When she meets his serious eyes--maybe a bit too serious--she stops laughing, and her voice grows smaller, barely audible. "Yeah?" she repeats, eyes looking just at Jared, confused.
For a moment it looks like she's expecting something horrible to happen, but when Jared reaches with his other hand to cup her hand in between his, she feels something round and hard. She's still confused--things are going too fast. Jared gives a little smile, and kisses her hand still inside his two large hands.
"Will you marry me?" he asks, eyes soft and hopeful and how could anyone say no to that? Sandy laughs and cries at the same time as Jared takes her hand and puts the ring on her finger.
"Yes," she says while shaking with emotion. "Yes, yes, yes." she says, laughter now spilling out of her mouth. Jared kisses the tears that left opaque trails on her face, kisses her nose, and finally her lips.
When they get back to the hotel room, they pour out the months of separation on their bedroom sheets and on each other's skin. Sandy smells like floral shampoo with a hint of vanilla. Jared smells like soap and sun, sweat coating them just lightly.
They fall asleep in each other's hug, faces soft and smiling, their breaths slow and languid.
#######
In L.A., they both pick out a new ring for her to wear in public, and when they go to the convention to announce their engagement, Jensen claps his shoulder later on, happy and laughing, and everyone's clapping, smiling--Jared thinks it's perfect.
He doesn't want to think of Vancouver right now.
#######
I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe
I'm a singer without a song
If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger
I, I was just thinking and thinking, merely thinking
That this boat is sinking
Yeah I'm tired of postcards
Especially the ones with cute dogs and cupids
I'm tired of calling you and missing you
And dreaming that I've slept with you
Don't get me wrong I still desperately love you
Inside this weary head
I just want us to love, just instead
The flight back to Vancouver is especially painful this time around. This time, it's Sandy who gives him a hug--"Just a few more months," she whispers, her breath tickling his hear. She wraps her arms tighter around him (As much as she can wrap around him, at least) and Jared burrows into the crook of her neck. She places both hands on the sides of his face, looks him in the eyes and plants a soft little kiss on his lips. Her eyes flutter shut, and Jared kisses her harder, more desperate, each kiss saying "I'll miss you, I'll miss you."
When they finally let each other go, there's an empty feeling in Jared's stomach, and his head's feeling too light.
#######
The days stretch too long, too far. Every week Jared finds himself trying to call Sandy, or missing Sandy's calls. Several days fly by, and neither of them calls the other. He tries not to think of it too much, reassures himself that nothing's wrong.
#######
A few more days of calling her and reaching voicemail, Jared gives up. He figures Sandy will call him when she isn't busy--hopefully he isn't either.
Sandy finally gives him a call when he can answer it. He's in the middle of memorizing his new script for the finale when she calls. He stops reading to make time for her--he wants to do this, he tells himself, but when she's in the middle of telling him what happened last week to her, from thinking of her laughter and their smiles and their marriage he finds himself thinking of the script he was holding a few minutes ago, that movie his publicist told him was being offered, the amount of money he's racking up by just trying to call Sandy.
He tries to ease himself into the conversation, barely missing his cues to say "Yeah," and "Really?" and "Oh..."
When they finally finish, her voice ending with a hesitant goodbye, the abruptness of the whole thing leaves Jared a sinking feeling in his stomach. He covers his face with the script and breathes into it, smelling the paper and grime.
#######
After the finale shooting, Jared returns to L.A. before shooting his movie. He calls Sandy the day before he leaves, but she doesn't answer his calls.
Jared doesn't want to think about it too much, but he wants to surprise her, so he doesn't.
At the airport, he calls her again, but no one's answering. He takes a cab to her place anyway, hoping she was at home doing nothing.
#######
Some guy walks out of the building she's living in, and before the doors close Jared rushes in with his bags.
Jared knocks on Sandy's door (third floor, room 312) once. No one's answering. He knocks twice, thrice, and calls for Sandy out loud, but no one's answering. He sets his bag down on the floor and leans on the wall. He tries calling her again. No answer.
A few hours later, he's sitting beside the door, cross-legged and dozing off to sleep.
"Jared?" a feminine voice half-shouts. Jared snaps awake, his eyes trying to focus properly. It's Sandy, face flustered and tired and make-up a little mussed up. She's carrying groceries in both her arms and standing there, stock-still, almost afraid.
He remembers how scared she was of ghosts that one night and insisted that Jared lock all the doors and windows. Her eyes were blown wide then, breath coming out in fast, sharp inhales and exhales.
He stands up gingerly, rubbing his knees to get the blood circulating. As he reaches to hug her and her groceries, she gives a little laugh. "Hold on," she says, "I've got to get my keys." Jared gives a sheepish grin as he watches her, by some acrobatic feat, fish her keys from her front jean pocket and open the door.
She rushes to the counter to dump all the bags on it, and then runs out to help Jared with his stuff. Jared gives her a little peck on the lips as she bends to get one of his three bags. She looks surprised, but laughs anyway.
That evening, curled up together in front of the television, Sandy falls asleep. Jared stares at the television until early morning, not a single word registering in his head. All he can think of is work and freedom and "Am I doing the right thing?" and briefly, Jensen and his soft, shy little smile.
Jared drifts off to sleep as well.
#######
It doesn't feel right, Jared thinks while he's packing for his movie shoot. Sandy's at the sink, washing something to eat before they go to the airport. Everything's been distant for the past week--they've barely had a conversation with whole sentences, or with whole thoughts.
A few minutes ago: "You want one?" Sandy asks him, handing him a Twix bar. "Yeah," he says and reaches for it.
8 PM last night: "Tired?" Jared asks her while scratching his belly. "Mmm," she'd grunted, closing her eyes while stretching out on the sofa.
Now: "Here," she says, giving him an apple with a smile. "Thanks," Jared says, taking a bite and pushing his hair aside with his other hand.
They both sit on the sofa, munching on apples, neither one saying anything.
Not a word.
#######
"Do you think we should get married?" Sandy breaks the silence first. It takes them both by surprise, but at the same time both expecting the question to surface out of each other's mouths.
"I think so," Jared says, something knotting in his throat as he says it. "I think so." He says with finality. Sandy just looks at him with tired eyes, brown and watery and red at the edges.
They both see the miles of Vancouver forests and hear the wind in between those miles. They see the blinking numbers on phonescreens and calloused thumbpads typing familiar numbers over and over instead of frequently gliding across each other's skin.
They haven't kissed since the first day Jared's been back to L.A., and now that he's leaving again, neither had kissed the other.
She stands up to get something from the refrigerator, and Jared finishes packing.
#######
At the airport, Jared stands at the side of the taxicab while the driver takes his stuff out of the trunk.
Sandy's in a jacket, and a charming little dress. Around them, the L.A. sun shines bright yellow and the clouds are a vivid blue from where they are. The wind stirs her hair a little, delicate curls swaying in the wind when she turns her head to look at him.
Her eyes still look tired, sadder than before. Neither thinks of moving to comfort each other.
Then Jared reaches out a hand to hold hers, and he grips it tight. She comes closer, almost floating, and gives him a soft little kiss on the cheek. She lingers for a second more than usual, and flashes him a little smile that breaks both their hearts. Jared can't forget her eyes.
"We are now leaving LAX," the pilot announces while the plane launches, but all Jared can see are those eyes, all he can hear is the wind blowing in both their ears.
#######
I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe
And time is running me still
If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger
I, I was just thinking
said that I, I was just thinking
That I'm tired of calling you once a week
And thinking of long distance rates instead of kissing you
so baby I'm sinking, merely sinking
It ends after Jared gets a painful stunt into the shoot. His head is slightly ringing from the pain when he stumbles into his trailer.
His phone rings, and he answers it. It's Sandy. They both keep quiet, hearing the background from the other person's location. The click-click sound in Sandy's background makes Jared feel the miles magnify, stretch out until he can't count it anymore.
"Do you think we're doing the right thing?" He asks this time, surprising himself. "I think so," she says. A few seconds pass, "I think so?" she asks softly.
"We should talk about this," Jared tries to give a little chuckle--it comes out tired and sad and painful. "We should." She says, voice tired as well.
"Maybe we aren't doing the right thing," she says.
"I think so too," Jared says, "but we should talk about it, not on the phone--" Sandy gives a little cough, a little sob.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, "I'm really, really sorry..."
She inhales deeply, he can hear her breath sucking sharply in and breathing out. "I'm sorry, too," she says, soft, almost a whisper. They keep quiet for a few more minutes.
When the call ends, neither of them remembers who ended the call--Jared can only remember that the dull background from Sandy's side stopped.
Just like that. He thinks maybe he pressed the end button.
#######
"Let's take a break, from each other." He says to her the next time he calls.
"Yeah, we should," she says, voice cracked and sleepy.
They keep quiet again.
"So does this mean we're over?" She asks.
"I don't know, maybe?" he says. Hesitation laces their words.
"We should be." she finally says--something concrete, for once. "Yeah." Jared says.
"I'm sorry." they say at the same time.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, "I really am. I love you though, you know that?" She gives a sad little grunt and sniffles a little.
#######
A few days later, people on the internet are abuzz with news about them.
A few more days though, this letter appears:
Dear Lena,
It is true. Jared and I are no longer engaged. I did not want this information to have to come from me, but I felt it was necessary to confirm it in order to protect Jared from being asked questions about it this weekend in Dallas. Contrary to what you may have heard/read, our split was not caused by any foul play on either of our parts, we simply decided that it was not the right time for us. We still love each other very much, but we want different things in life, and it's a simple as that. Please know that it is extremely difficult for me to write this, and I can only imagine how hard it would be for Jared to have to talk about it in front of hundreds of fans. So I am answering the questions now with the hope that no one will make Jared have to speak about it publicly. Your support past, present, and future is very much appreciated.
Thank you for everything,
Sandra
Jared reads that and feels like he just broke into pieces.
At Dallas, sweaty and tired and trying to smile properly, he tells everyone that they aren't together anymore in the shortest, most succinct way he can think of.
#######
That I'm tired of calling you once a week
And thinking of long distance rates instead of kissing you
so baby I'm sinking, merely sinking
Author: stare_at_walls
Pairings/Characters: Jared Padalecki/Sandy McCoy, Jensen Ackles.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3000+
Summary: Jared's break-up with Sandy. This is how it happened, really. Miles of distance and people they don't know. This is how they compromise: Everytime Jared has to shoot for Supernatural episodes, Sandy stays in L.A. to pursue auditions, different workshops, things like that. Jared promises to call once a week, or she calls him during her free time.
Notes/Warnings: Heterosexual fiction. Awesome beta by bittersplendor, thanks BB. This is not meant to insult or make fun of Jared in anyway. I know the topic is a bit taboo--it's directly about the engagement and break-up, but the plot swam in my head. Play or download the song and play it in REPEAT or something. I meant the song to be listened to while reading. Music widget is also there to help if you don't want to download the song.
Disclaimer: Fiction. Not true. I respect Jared and hope for the best. Song and story title by Teitur--I was just thinking.
Teitur--I was just thinking
I was just thinking that I have been missing you for way too long
There's something inside this weary head that wants us to love just instead
But I was just thinking, merely thinking I've got loads of pictures
I've got the one of you in that dancing dress
But man I feel silly in that dim light just after doing you by the sight of My Kodak delights
I am sinking, merely sinking
It's been three years of the whole relationship, and Jared's pretty sure they've got the whole thing down pat.
This is how they compromise: Everytime Jared has to shoot for Supernatural episodes, Sandy stays in L.A. to pursue auditions, different workshops, things like that. Jared promises to call once a week, or she calls him during her free time.
When he first goes off to Vancouver, Sandy gives a little smile, says, "Vancouver's a far place, isn't it?" stretching the word "far" with her hands behind her, clasped together, her eyes on anything but Jared. Her voice is a little high-pitched, as if she was trying to be nonchalant about it. Jared knows what she's trying to say--they both know what they mean. Jared just gives her the tightest, softest hug he can manage, hoping that every emotion he felt for her would seep through his arms into her heart.
But Vancouver is far, miles and miles of trees and cities and people they don't know.
They try to keep this void of distance filled by short calls about daily things, by small notes mailed for fun: hurried handwriting scrawled with "I love yous" or "I miss yous," e-mails with "how are yous?" when time becomes a luxury for either of them. It isn't always convenient though. Sometimes one of them calls the other at the most inopportune times, Jared's in the middle of shooting a scene and Sandy calls--making Jared all flustered and ending up with him flubbing his lines. Or sometimes Sandy's asleep after some particularly exhausting photoshoot and Jared calls her--and she wakes up, cranky but trying to be not pissed off when she hears Jared's voice.
But most of the time, Jared spends his time staring at the ceiling thinking of her when he's not with Jensen. Sometimes it isn't the ceiling he stares at, there are times when it's his script, or the cup of coffee Jensen's handed to him.
He finds himself with her number on his phone's screen, his thumb ghosting over the call button, then hesitantly clearing the number. He thinks of a lot of reasons why he can't call randomly: She's busy, she's sleeping, she's with friends, she's tired, she's tired of this, of being so far away. Jared wonders if she's tired of them--of this. He doesn't want to think of him being tired of it.
He still calls her every other week. In the weeks that he doesn't call, she does, so Jared thinks that maybe everything's going to be all right.
#######
He meets her in Paris. It was something he hadn't planned to do--meeting her in Paris. But he'd planned on asking her the question. Planned it for months, mulling it in his head in the most random of moments: eating dinner alone, at midnight with the ceiling staring back at him, during the free minutes they get in between the shoots, while looking at a photograph of them together in his phone--he'd even spaced out in front of Jensen once, Jensen snapping his fingers while laughing at him, asking him what his problem was.
Jared had dragged Jensen with him to find the perfect ring for Sandy. They couldn't find one he thought fit her right--to Jared not one ring fit her smiles and sunny laughter. All the rings were too silver, too elegant, too refined. Jared wanted one that captured her laughter in every gleam.
He doesn't give the ring another thought until he's on the plane to Paris.
In Paris, they'd both ran towards each other, not a single word uttered between them, arms just holding onto each other, bags spilling on the airport floor and everyone passing them by. On the ride home, they're laughing at each other, at things that happened when they weren't together, Paris and her beautiful landmarks forgotten and ignored.
#######
Their hotel room is the right amount of cool. Regardless of the fact that the sun was still out, they'd both crawled into the bed and under its covers. Jared shucks off his socks while trying not to sit-up, and Sandy takes off her jacket and flats. When they finally get comfortable enough they crawl under the sheets again, snuggle closer to each other, feeling their body heat on each other's skin.
Contrary to popular belief, couples don't always have sex when they see each other for the first time in ages.
They just lie in bed, sleep slowly washing itself over them. Sandy's languidly trailing her cold fingertips on Jared's ear, which is also a little cold. She rubs her index finger and thumb across his earlobe to warm it up. Jared grunts a little smile, eyes heavy with jetlag. His hand is on her neck, delicately rubbing small circles on her pulse point. Her eyelashes look longer when they're hooded with sleep and emotion. She looks so vulnerable, lips slightly parted and breathing slow. The sunset outside their hotel window sends a dusk-colored sunbeam over Jared's eyes, coloring his irises to a dazzling green-brown-blue combination.
They do this re-mapping of each other's face until they both fall asleep.
#######
Jared wakes up at 5 am with Sandy still sleeping in his arms.
He decides to ask her to marry him before they leave Paris--she'd always told him that Paris was one of her favorite places in the world. He untangles himself from her and looks for his phone. He calls his mom, wondering how he's going to start his question. He doesn't remember what time it is in Texas, doesn't bother knowing what time it is there--he just hopes he doesn't call them at a bad time.
After a few rings, his momma answers the phone. She sounds a little like she just woke up, but her smile is evident in her voice when she discovers that it's Jared calling. "Jay!" she'd half-cried, "How are you? Is Paris nice this time of the year?" He answers her questions, and warily pops his own question.
"Ma?" he asks, "I've got a favor to ask you."
She's silent for a few seconds, and her voice turns serious. "What is it, Jay?" she asks affectionately.
Jared's thoughts are starting to run fast in different directions--his rehearsed question tumbling into different parts. "I want to ask Sandy to marry me," he says.
He expects her to ask more questions, for more details, for more. Instead she just says, "Ok." and after a beat asks him, "are you sure?"
"Yes." he says, his voice sounding oddly small to him. "Ma, could you send me the ring Pop gave you when he asked you to marry him? I'll buy her another ring when we get back in L.A."
"Sure honey," his momma says, "It's great that you want to use my ring for this--I'm so proud of you JT..."
Jared gives a soft little laugh, and says "I love you, Ma." and clicks his phone shut.
#######
A few days later the concierge calls their room to inform them that a package is waiting for Jared at the lobby. Jared asks if they could send it over to their room. Sandy's in the shower when the messenger comes, and Jared asks the delivery guy to keep quiet as he signs the clipboard to let them know he got the package, and slowly closes their door.
He's able to hide the ring in his pocket when Sandy gets out of the shower, towel wrapped above her breasts and a towel wrapped like a turban on her head. A few damp stray strands of hair stick to her nape, water dripping a little across her back as Jared watches her walk inside the bedroom and close it behind her. He takes those few moments to call his mom and thank her.
When Sandy comes out, he asks her to dinner later at a quaint cafe they saw the other day. She gives a shy smile, teasingly asking him, "And what do you have planned for me, Mr. Padalecki?" while her hands gave a small playful slap on his arm, her eyes glittering with joy.
"Just you wait," Jared says, dimples showing a little. "Ms. McCoy." he finishes, trying to look as stoic as possible.
Sandy gives a louder giggle and slips her arm into his as they both walk out their hotel door.
#######
At dinner, over pasta and iced tea, he asks her the question.
He does it like this: "Hey, baby?" he begins, his hand reaching for hers. "Yeah?" she asks, still shaking from the last joke Jared just told her. When she meets his serious eyes--maybe a bit too serious--she stops laughing, and her voice grows smaller, barely audible. "Yeah?" she repeats, eyes looking just at Jared, confused.
For a moment it looks like she's expecting something horrible to happen, but when Jared reaches with his other hand to cup her hand in between his, she feels something round and hard. She's still confused--things are going too fast. Jared gives a little smile, and kisses her hand still inside his two large hands.
"Will you marry me?" he asks, eyes soft and hopeful and how could anyone say no to that? Sandy laughs and cries at the same time as Jared takes her hand and puts the ring on her finger.
"Yes," she says while shaking with emotion. "Yes, yes, yes." she says, laughter now spilling out of her mouth. Jared kisses the tears that left opaque trails on her face, kisses her nose, and finally her lips.
When they get back to the hotel room, they pour out the months of separation on their bedroom sheets and on each other's skin. Sandy smells like floral shampoo with a hint of vanilla. Jared smells like soap and sun, sweat coating them just lightly.
They fall asleep in each other's hug, faces soft and smiling, their breaths slow and languid.
#######
In L.A., they both pick out a new ring for her to wear in public, and when they go to the convention to announce their engagement, Jensen claps his shoulder later on, happy and laughing, and everyone's clapping, smiling--Jared thinks it's perfect.
He doesn't want to think of Vancouver right now.
#######
I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe
I'm a singer without a song
If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger
I, I was just thinking and thinking, merely thinking
That this boat is sinking
Yeah I'm tired of postcards
Especially the ones with cute dogs and cupids
I'm tired of calling you and missing you
And dreaming that I've slept with you
Don't get me wrong I still desperately love you
Inside this weary head
I just want us to love, just instead
The flight back to Vancouver is especially painful this time around. This time, it's Sandy who gives him a hug--"Just a few more months," she whispers, her breath tickling his hear. She wraps her arms tighter around him (As much as she can wrap around him, at least) and Jared burrows into the crook of her neck. She places both hands on the sides of his face, looks him in the eyes and plants a soft little kiss on his lips. Her eyes flutter shut, and Jared kisses her harder, more desperate, each kiss saying "I'll miss you, I'll miss you."
When they finally let each other go, there's an empty feeling in Jared's stomach, and his head's feeling too light.
#######
The days stretch too long, too far. Every week Jared finds himself trying to call Sandy, or missing Sandy's calls. Several days fly by, and neither of them calls the other. He tries not to think of it too much, reassures himself that nothing's wrong.
#######
A few more days of calling her and reaching voicemail, Jared gives up. He figures Sandy will call him when she isn't busy--hopefully he isn't either.
Sandy finally gives him a call when he can answer it. He's in the middle of memorizing his new script for the finale when she calls. He stops reading to make time for her--he wants to do this, he tells himself, but when she's in the middle of telling him what happened last week to her, from thinking of her laughter and their smiles and their marriage he finds himself thinking of the script he was holding a few minutes ago, that movie his publicist told him was being offered, the amount of money he's racking up by just trying to call Sandy.
He tries to ease himself into the conversation, barely missing his cues to say "Yeah," and "Really?" and "Oh..."
When they finally finish, her voice ending with a hesitant goodbye, the abruptness of the whole thing leaves Jared a sinking feeling in his stomach. He covers his face with the script and breathes into it, smelling the paper and grime.
#######
After the finale shooting, Jared returns to L.A. before shooting his movie. He calls Sandy the day before he leaves, but she doesn't answer his calls.
Jared doesn't want to think about it too much, but he wants to surprise her, so he doesn't.
At the airport, he calls her again, but no one's answering. He takes a cab to her place anyway, hoping she was at home doing nothing.
#######
Some guy walks out of the building she's living in, and before the doors close Jared rushes in with his bags.
Jared knocks on Sandy's door (third floor, room 312) once. No one's answering. He knocks twice, thrice, and calls for Sandy out loud, but no one's answering. He sets his bag down on the floor and leans on the wall. He tries calling her again. No answer.
A few hours later, he's sitting beside the door, cross-legged and dozing off to sleep.
"Jared?" a feminine voice half-shouts. Jared snaps awake, his eyes trying to focus properly. It's Sandy, face flustered and tired and make-up a little mussed up. She's carrying groceries in both her arms and standing there, stock-still, almost afraid.
He remembers how scared she was of ghosts that one night and insisted that Jared lock all the doors and windows. Her eyes were blown wide then, breath coming out in fast, sharp inhales and exhales.
He stands up gingerly, rubbing his knees to get the blood circulating. As he reaches to hug her and her groceries, she gives a little laugh. "Hold on," she says, "I've got to get my keys." Jared gives a sheepish grin as he watches her, by some acrobatic feat, fish her keys from her front jean pocket and open the door.
She rushes to the counter to dump all the bags on it, and then runs out to help Jared with his stuff. Jared gives her a little peck on the lips as she bends to get one of his three bags. She looks surprised, but laughs anyway.
That evening, curled up together in front of the television, Sandy falls asleep. Jared stares at the television until early morning, not a single word registering in his head. All he can think of is work and freedom and "Am I doing the right thing?" and briefly, Jensen and his soft, shy little smile.
Jared drifts off to sleep as well.
#######
It doesn't feel right, Jared thinks while he's packing for his movie shoot. Sandy's at the sink, washing something to eat before they go to the airport. Everything's been distant for the past week--they've barely had a conversation with whole sentences, or with whole thoughts.
A few minutes ago: "You want one?" Sandy asks him, handing him a Twix bar. "Yeah," he says and reaches for it.
8 PM last night: "Tired?" Jared asks her while scratching his belly. "Mmm," she'd grunted, closing her eyes while stretching out on the sofa.
Now: "Here," she says, giving him an apple with a smile. "Thanks," Jared says, taking a bite and pushing his hair aside with his other hand.
They both sit on the sofa, munching on apples, neither one saying anything.
Not a word.
#######
"Do you think we should get married?" Sandy breaks the silence first. It takes them both by surprise, but at the same time both expecting the question to surface out of each other's mouths.
"I think so," Jared says, something knotting in his throat as he says it. "I think so." He says with finality. Sandy just looks at him with tired eyes, brown and watery and red at the edges.
They both see the miles of Vancouver forests and hear the wind in between those miles. They see the blinking numbers on phonescreens and calloused thumbpads typing familiar numbers over and over instead of frequently gliding across each other's skin.
They haven't kissed since the first day Jared's been back to L.A., and now that he's leaving again, neither had kissed the other.
She stands up to get something from the refrigerator, and Jared finishes packing.
#######
At the airport, Jared stands at the side of the taxicab while the driver takes his stuff out of the trunk.
Sandy's in a jacket, and a charming little dress. Around them, the L.A. sun shines bright yellow and the clouds are a vivid blue from where they are. The wind stirs her hair a little, delicate curls swaying in the wind when she turns her head to look at him.
Her eyes still look tired, sadder than before. Neither thinks of moving to comfort each other.
Then Jared reaches out a hand to hold hers, and he grips it tight. She comes closer, almost floating, and gives him a soft little kiss on the cheek. She lingers for a second more than usual, and flashes him a little smile that breaks both their hearts. Jared can't forget her eyes.
"We are now leaving LAX," the pilot announces while the plane launches, but all Jared can see are those eyes, all he can hear is the wind blowing in both their ears.
#######
I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe
And time is running me still
If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger
I, I was just thinking
said that I, I was just thinking
That I'm tired of calling you once a week
And thinking of long distance rates instead of kissing you
so baby I'm sinking, merely sinking
It ends after Jared gets a painful stunt into the shoot. His head is slightly ringing from the pain when he stumbles into his trailer.
His phone rings, and he answers it. It's Sandy. They both keep quiet, hearing the background from the other person's location. The click-click sound in Sandy's background makes Jared feel the miles magnify, stretch out until he can't count it anymore.
"Do you think we're doing the right thing?" He asks this time, surprising himself. "I think so," she says. A few seconds pass, "I think so?" she asks softly.
"We should talk about this," Jared tries to give a little chuckle--it comes out tired and sad and painful. "We should." She says, voice tired as well.
"Maybe we aren't doing the right thing," she says.
"I think so too," Jared says, "but we should talk about it, not on the phone--" Sandy gives a little cough, a little sob.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, "I'm really, really sorry..."
She inhales deeply, he can hear her breath sucking sharply in and breathing out. "I'm sorry, too," she says, soft, almost a whisper. They keep quiet for a few more minutes.
When the call ends, neither of them remembers who ended the call--Jared can only remember that the dull background from Sandy's side stopped.
Just like that. He thinks maybe he pressed the end button.
#######
"Let's take a break, from each other." He says to her the next time he calls.
"Yeah, we should," she says, voice cracked and sleepy.
They keep quiet again.
"So does this mean we're over?" She asks.
"I don't know, maybe?" he says. Hesitation laces their words.
"We should be." she finally says--something concrete, for once. "Yeah." Jared says.
"I'm sorry." they say at the same time.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, "I really am. I love you though, you know that?" She gives a sad little grunt and sniffles a little.
#######
A few days later, people on the internet are abuzz with news about them.
A few more days though, this letter appears:
Dear Lena,
It is true. Jared and I are no longer engaged. I did not want this information to have to come from me, but I felt it was necessary to confirm it in order to protect Jared from being asked questions about it this weekend in Dallas. Contrary to what you may have heard/read, our split was not caused by any foul play on either of our parts, we simply decided that it was not the right time for us. We still love each other very much, but we want different things in life, and it's a simple as that. Please know that it is extremely difficult for me to write this, and I can only imagine how hard it would be for Jared to have to talk about it in front of hundreds of fans. So I am answering the questions now with the hope that no one will make Jared have to speak about it publicly. Your support past, present, and future is very much appreciated.
Thank you for everything,
Sandra
Jared reads that and feels like he just broke into pieces.
At Dallas, sweaty and tired and trying to smile properly, he tells everyone that they aren't together anymore in the shortest, most succinct way he can think of.
#######
That I'm tired of calling you once a week
And thinking of long distance rates instead of kissing you
so baby I'm sinking, merely sinking