When I get that feeling...
... I need celluloid healing. Then I "jizz in my pants" "like a boss" (SAM YOUR STATIC IS A HORRIBLE INFLUENCE!)
Aside from all that, finding a small snippet of time in which to breath from the incurable pet sitting insanity that is Memorial Day, it's totally time for a movie review breakdown.
The Mist- I'm not sure if I liked this at all. I was really disappointed in the killer things in the mist being some overworked Land of the Lost science experiment. Though the tentacly thing was super cool, the other creatures were just ridiculous. I felt like I was watching War of the Worlds meets Eight Legged Freaks meets... Stephen King I guess.There's definitely that element redundance and boredom. I will say that the showdown between crazy religious lady and Truman Capote was a goody and I probably got way too much enjoyment from how it played out-- you want to do that to her the second she opens her mouth. Truthfully though I would've sacrificed the kid too. :) Oh! And the end? "Haha! Loser!"
The Uninvited- Elizabeth Banks does good creepy. I probably could've lived with or without this one-- another "eh" all around.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycan- I don't know why I bothered. If you saw the first movie you get the picture. Like a really hairy version of Braveheart (and lets face it, Braveheart was hairy enough of a movie) with a ton of obnoxious CGI lycans in lew of guys in kilts. And I'm sorry, but why the fuck is the hot chick standing in front of Lucian on the cover. This f-ing movie is about HIM! Michael Sheen is love. I'm obsessed with his nose and back. He was fab opposite Parker Posey in Laws of Attraction-- they stole that movie.
Repo! The Genetic Opera- Disappointing. I really expected more. Gorgeous to look at (so many gas masks and goth girls and lace and cameo jewelry and headstones and dead bugs....) and Paris Hilton's face falling off? Total crowd pleaser. I guess if you watch it on mute it would make for a great movie.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D- Jensen Ackles *drool* Jamie King-- not so much a girl to drool over anymore. Gas masks and dead bodies are always welcome, but the flick was really nothing special. The transfer of the 3-D to DVD without the effects just makes for a TERRIBLE looking movie. Another in a long series of "eh"
The Hamiltons- I think they gathered the cast of Sweet Valley High and through them in this nice little oddball horror/thriller. I swear I've seen half these people before-- maybe it was just the blonde in the beginning... Still, pretty good.
Borderland- Based on a true story that I actually saw on Most Evil, which was much more enthralling. Rider Strong was pretty gay in this-- and I don't use that term EVER. And I couldn't figure out why his friends and the cop were just sort of waiting around doing nothing, knowing WHERE he was, WHAT was going to happen and WHEN it was going to happen. Total bullshit. If I'd been him and survived, I'd've taken the machete to their privates. It's nice to see Sam the Hobbit (AKA everyone's favorite goonie) becoming a psycho killer, though he looked like he walked straight off the 50 First Dates set to play this part. Skip it!
Lost in Austen- Oh my god, I'm such a girl. I loved it.
Torque- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I love crap like this.
From Within- Possibly the cutest emo boy around in Thomas Dekker (I'm kinda obsessed with the tattoo on his forearm-- WHAT IS IT AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!)and without a doubt Adam Goldbergs best performance in anything I've ever seen. Kind of a downer in a really twisted subtle sort of revenge flick. Oooh! Ooh! With a Rumer Willis sighting. I love Rumer Willis. She's the new Eva Amurri. Watch it!
Midnight Meat Train- This explains so much about the New York subway system and why I'd never make it as a photographer. The gore in this movie is so beyond fantastic you can't even begin to fathom. It's unrelentingly brutal-- a slaughter house on wheels, just like the title says. I'm a die hard Vinnie Jones fan, no question.
Perkin's 14- One of the horrorfest "movies to die for". I wouldn't die for this piece of shit if you paid me. Not even slightly memorable.
Autopsy- Not the best, but definitely not the worst. Fun to watch at most and I'm a sucker for inventive deaths and torcher. If you liked Hatchet, you'll probably LOVE this. If you didn't (like me) you'll like it enough as a horror fan.
The Spirit- I feel like I'm repeating myself on this one. Did I review already? Oh well. Not knowing too much about the comic I can't say anything on the topic of how well it followed premise and well, the spirit of The Spirit, but it felt pretty disjointed. Gabriel Macht's playing a typical Gabriel Macht role-- strong, silent a little goofy. Scarlett Johanson and Eva Mendes are playing their typical roles and Samul L Jackson's just having all sorts of fun. Still, I say watch Sin City. You'll get the same style, better story lines and Jaime King as a drool worthy blonde.
Igor- Piece of shit. And it had SUCH promise...
Funny Games- Wow.
Max Payne- Okay, I think I did review this... I really couldn't get into this except for the hallucinations of the Angels-- which (oops) I guess is a spoiler. I'm a sucker for angel wings. Mark Wahlberg is his usual angry, frowny self. For the most part, it's a pass.
White Noise 2- So much better than White Noise, with a better, much more enticing premise AND Nathan Fillion. Need I say more?
My Name is Bruce- Bruce who? Bruce Campbell. Draw your own conclusions.
Immortality- This is one of those British thrillers that's been around a couple years, but you somehow missed it, thinking the cover looked stupid or "Oh, another random Jude Law bore". Wrong. This flick was pretty entralling. And while we're on the topic of British thrillers that fly under the radar, check out "Uncovered" with Kate Bekinsale.
Let the Right One In- If you don't watch this and you like horror you're an idiot. If you don't watch this because you don't like subtitles you're moron. Now I want to read the book.
Aside from all that, finding a small snippet of time in which to breath from the incurable pet sitting insanity that is Memorial Day, it's totally time for a movie review breakdown.
The Mist- I'm not sure if I liked this at all. I was really disappointed in the killer things in the mist being some overworked Land of the Lost science experiment. Though the tentacly thing was super cool, the other creatures were just ridiculous. I felt like I was watching War of the Worlds meets Eight Legged Freaks meets... Stephen King I guess.There's definitely that element redundance and boredom. I will say that the showdown between crazy religious lady and Truman Capote was a goody and I probably got way too much enjoyment from how it played out-- you want to do that to her the second she opens her mouth. Truthfully though I would've sacrificed the kid too. :) Oh! And the end? "Haha! Loser!"
The Uninvited- Elizabeth Banks does good creepy. I probably could've lived with or without this one-- another "eh" all around.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycan- I don't know why I bothered. If you saw the first movie you get the picture. Like a really hairy version of Braveheart (and lets face it, Braveheart was hairy enough of a movie) with a ton of obnoxious CGI lycans in lew of guys in kilts. And I'm sorry, but why the fuck is the hot chick standing in front of Lucian on the cover. This f-ing movie is about HIM! Michael Sheen is love. I'm obsessed with his nose and back. He was fab opposite Parker Posey in Laws of Attraction-- they stole that movie.
Repo! The Genetic Opera- Disappointing. I really expected more. Gorgeous to look at (so many gas masks and goth girls and lace and cameo jewelry and headstones and dead bugs....) and Paris Hilton's face falling off? Total crowd pleaser. I guess if you watch it on mute it would make for a great movie.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D- Jensen Ackles *drool* Jamie King-- not so much a girl to drool over anymore. Gas masks and dead bodies are always welcome, but the flick was really nothing special. The transfer of the 3-D to DVD without the effects just makes for a TERRIBLE looking movie. Another in a long series of "eh"
The Hamiltons- I think they gathered the cast of Sweet Valley High and through them in this nice little oddball horror/thriller. I swear I've seen half these people before-- maybe it was just the blonde in the beginning... Still, pretty good.
Borderland- Based on a true story that I actually saw on Most Evil, which was much more enthralling. Rider Strong was pretty gay in this-- and I don't use that term EVER. And I couldn't figure out why his friends and the cop were just sort of waiting around doing nothing, knowing WHERE he was, WHAT was going to happen and WHEN it was going to happen. Total bullshit. If I'd been him and survived, I'd've taken the machete to their privates. It's nice to see Sam the Hobbit (AKA everyone's favorite goonie) becoming a psycho killer, though he looked like he walked straight off the 50 First Dates set to play this part. Skip it!
Lost in Austen- Oh my god, I'm such a girl. I loved it.
Torque- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I love crap like this.
From Within- Possibly the cutest emo boy around in Thomas Dekker (I'm kinda obsessed with the tattoo on his forearm-- WHAT IS IT AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!)and without a doubt Adam Goldbergs best performance in anything I've ever seen. Kind of a downer in a really twisted subtle sort of revenge flick. Oooh! Ooh! With a Rumer Willis sighting. I love Rumer Willis. She's the new Eva Amurri. Watch it!
Midnight Meat Train- This explains so much about the New York subway system and why I'd never make it as a photographer. The gore in this movie is so beyond fantastic you can't even begin to fathom. It's unrelentingly brutal-- a slaughter house on wheels, just like the title says. I'm a die hard Vinnie Jones fan, no question.
Perkin's 14- One of the horrorfest "movies to die for". I wouldn't die for this piece of shit if you paid me. Not even slightly memorable.
Autopsy- Not the best, but definitely not the worst. Fun to watch at most and I'm a sucker for inventive deaths and torcher. If you liked Hatchet, you'll probably LOVE this. If you didn't (like me) you'll like it enough as a horror fan.
The Spirit- I feel like I'm repeating myself on this one. Did I review already? Oh well. Not knowing too much about the comic I can't say anything on the topic of how well it followed premise and well, the spirit of The Spirit, but it felt pretty disjointed. Gabriel Macht's playing a typical Gabriel Macht role-- strong, silent a little goofy. Scarlett Johanson and Eva Mendes are playing their typical roles and Samul L Jackson's just having all sorts of fun. Still, I say watch Sin City. You'll get the same style, better story lines and Jaime King as a drool worthy blonde.
Igor- Piece of shit. And it had SUCH promise...
Funny Games- Wow.
Max Payne- Okay, I think I did review this... I really couldn't get into this except for the hallucinations of the Angels-- which (oops) I guess is a spoiler. I'm a sucker for angel wings. Mark Wahlberg is his usual angry, frowny self. For the most part, it's a pass.
White Noise 2- So much better than White Noise, with a better, much more enticing premise AND Nathan Fillion. Need I say more?
My Name is Bruce- Bruce who? Bruce Campbell. Draw your own conclusions.
Immortality- This is one of those British thrillers that's been around a couple years, but you somehow missed it, thinking the cover looked stupid or "Oh, another random Jude Law bore". Wrong. This flick was pretty entralling. And while we're on the topic of British thrillers that fly under the radar, check out "Uncovered" with Kate Bekinsale.
Let the Right One In- If you don't watch this and you like horror you're an idiot. If you don't watch this because you don't like subtitles you're moron. Now I want to read the book.