You miss the point completely, i get the point exactly
I am so confused. Last Monday I spent the night there, and he made me breakfast. Then Wednesday night he doesn’t answer my calls or texts (I was really drunk and he said something went down at home). Thursday he tells me why he didn’t answer and gives me a hug. But doesn’t answer my text later that day. I think texting is the devil. DEVIL. I need to stop doing it, right now. I am no longer texting, it is dumb and a cope-out way of doing things. It’s like Jenny and PJ and their instant messenging relationship. I just don’t understand Alex, I think he likes me but sometimes I don’t know if he really does. It makes me all paranoid because of the thing that happened with Will 2.I am pretty sure I am ready for the games to begin. Really because I think he is playing games with me. Argh. I do not know what to do with my life. I remember last semester when no guys would get involved with me because I was leaving. Now I feel the same way. I do like him but I am leaving soon. I do not want to get attached. But then again I want to enjoy my time here and I feel like my “friends” are being weird recently. Its like they all of a sudden do not like me anymore. I think the world is against me I really do. I have no friends back home, no friends in Boulder and now no friends here. What happened? Somewhere between this time last year and now I have lost everything. I am not anymore depressed then I was. If anything I am better, so why don’t people like me? Why do people always use me? I feel like I cannot even be myself right now. I called Eldon and things were good, I was acting myself! But after the phone call, back to not-so-Kayla me. If shit goes bad with Alex I feel like I cannot even hook up with someone else even if I wanted to. I am in too deep right now. I don’t even know what we are! Who knows he could have a different girl over there each night of the week and I am stupidly thinking there is more to this than there is. I have also been really tired lately. I think something is seriously wrong with me, I am always sick, always tired. I took a blood test before I came, but I think I might need another one. MY LIFE IS AWKWARD.