Time to Withdraw.....
So yeah....after just over 2 months living down in Southampton, things have taken a turn for the worst...
As from Monday/Tuesday, I'll be living at my Mums in Bedford. Rewinding to 6 years in the past when I first lived there...I was 14...Im going back there after 6 years away. What the hell has the last 6 years done for me, if all I am to do now is just go back!
I moved down here to Southampton for pretty much one main reason...Jo.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love Jo. All throughout my time in Southampton, she has been nothing but a pillar of strength to me, never could there be a better girlfriend for me than Jo. The most saddening thing is that I feel I have nothing to give in return...Except moving away far from where she is now. I feel like Ive been nothing but a burden to her, I know she loves me, but she has helped me out so much, I am ever so grateful, but yet so guilty.
Jo is my best friend, the greatest girlfriend, no one has understodd me as much as she has. Shes been here for me ever since we first starting speaking...I could have never asked for anyone more perfect than she is, she makes me happy just by existing, and knowing that our love for each other is absorbed so much by ourselves, I know I dont have to worry.
I feel quite numb....My emotions seemed to have turned stone cold, I have no reaction, nothing would surprise me, I have been finding it incredibly hard just to break out a smile. Im worried that my depression is going to kick in sometime soon...I really hope it doesnt, but I feel as if it is returning.
Grrr! After all Ive been through, I thought now would be the time to take hold of my destiny! But no, not a chance...Ive looked SO very hard to find a job, really I have, I have so much dedication embedded within me. When will I be given the chance just to earn some bloody money, I dont give a shit if its just cleaning toilets, after all, pretty much anyone can do that, you dont need GCSEs or experience!
Ive got to try and get happy...I dont want my Mum to see me sad about me moving back home, I do really love her and my siblings. Its just that, Ive been so used to my own freedom for 6 years, that it'll be hard just to comform to a normal family life again....I'll try, by all means, I'll try my best. After all, my Mum is giving me a chance, so I'll be sure to help out where I can.
Nothing else seems to matter anymore...Im excited about Dudley though, its just other things. The whole world, peoples outlook on life. When you're at a real low, have no hope and have lost your chance at a new beginning, you start to really appreciate everything that anyone does. Any gesture by anyone is so great, you feel blessed in a way.
People can live their life how they want, if they have money to do anything they like, then thats obviously fine. It just seems almost patronising to people like me, who find it very hard to get by everyday, so much so that you have to pretty much starve yourself so that your food lasts until you can get any sort of money.
Hopefully I'll find a job in Bedford shortly after I arrive...Then I will save up and move back to Southampton by the end of the year. I love Jo so much, I cant bear to be without her :(
As from Monday/Tuesday, I'll be living at my Mums in Bedford. Rewinding to 6 years in the past when I first lived there...I was 14...Im going back there after 6 years away. What the hell has the last 6 years done for me, if all I am to do now is just go back!
I moved down here to Southampton for pretty much one main reason...Jo.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love Jo. All throughout my time in Southampton, she has been nothing but a pillar of strength to me, never could there be a better girlfriend for me than Jo. The most saddening thing is that I feel I have nothing to give in return...Except moving away far from where she is now. I feel like Ive been nothing but a burden to her, I know she loves me, but she has helped me out so much, I am ever so grateful, but yet so guilty.
Jo is my best friend, the greatest girlfriend, no one has understodd me as much as she has. Shes been here for me ever since we first starting speaking...I could have never asked for anyone more perfect than she is, she makes me happy just by existing, and knowing that our love for each other is absorbed so much by ourselves, I know I dont have to worry.
I feel quite numb....My emotions seemed to have turned stone cold, I have no reaction, nothing would surprise me, I have been finding it incredibly hard just to break out a smile. Im worried that my depression is going to kick in sometime soon...I really hope it doesnt, but I feel as if it is returning.
Grrr! After all Ive been through, I thought now would be the time to take hold of my destiny! But no, not a chance...Ive looked SO very hard to find a job, really I have, I have so much dedication embedded within me. When will I be given the chance just to earn some bloody money, I dont give a shit if its just cleaning toilets, after all, pretty much anyone can do that, you dont need GCSEs or experience!
Ive got to try and get happy...I dont want my Mum to see me sad about me moving back home, I do really love her and my siblings. Its just that, Ive been so used to my own freedom for 6 years, that it'll be hard just to comform to a normal family life again....I'll try, by all means, I'll try my best. After all, my Mum is giving me a chance, so I'll be sure to help out where I can.
Nothing else seems to matter anymore...Im excited about Dudley though, its just other things. The whole world, peoples outlook on life. When you're at a real low, have no hope and have lost your chance at a new beginning, you start to really appreciate everything that anyone does. Any gesture by anyone is so great, you feel blessed in a way.
People can live their life how they want, if they have money to do anything they like, then thats obviously fine. It just seems almost patronising to people like me, who find it very hard to get by everyday, so much so that you have to pretty much starve yourself so that your food lasts until you can get any sort of money.
Hopefully I'll find a job in Bedford shortly after I arrive...Then I will save up and move back to Southampton by the end of the year. I love Jo so much, I cant bear to be without her :(