Decisive action
I'm perplexed by two ideas: one prepare and train and then apply for a job. On the other hand, just keep applying for jobs until you find one.
Plan A is good, but the result is my time after Grad school extends. Plan B also has its merits, but people will not know what I'm really capable of if I don't present my best work.
Perhaps...it's just a matter of A and B; train, apply, work. I find it so hard to sleep after an unproductive day, with no positives or something to show for. All I want is the *work*, to do it and be paid for it. Simple. And I've trained and studied and practiced until I know I can be paid well for it.
But...and of course a big but, the work is starting to scare me again. My anxiety ramps up as I feel the difficulty overwhelming me. The contracts and the part-time and freelance gigs slowly inoculate me, helping me to prepare mentally for the day of Full Time work. And I suppose I have to accept I can't have everything I want right now. But time, time is important. By September I need to have things done. I want to know I'll have things done.
Ah, there it is: I need faith. Faith in myself.
Plan A is good, but the result is my time after Grad school extends. Plan B also has its merits, but people will not know what I'm really capable of if I don't present my best work.
Perhaps...it's just a matter of A and B; train, apply, work. I find it so hard to sleep after an unproductive day, with no positives or something to show for. All I want is the *work*, to do it and be paid for it. Simple. And I've trained and studied and practiced until I know I can be paid well for it.
But...and of course a big but, the work is starting to scare me again. My anxiety ramps up as I feel the difficulty overwhelming me. The contracts and the part-time and freelance gigs slowly inoculate me, helping me to prepare mentally for the day of Full Time work. And I suppose I have to accept I can't have everything I want right now. But time, time is important. By September I need to have things done. I want to know I'll have things done.
Ah, there it is: I need faith. Faith in myself.