(no subject)

[starchick3214]

life is so complex and certain parts of my life are the mirror opposite of the other. i miss amerra so much, she was so special to me and we had the best memories i could ever ask for. i love her so much and i feel complete sadness when i realize that she is not around to make me just enjoy life the way she did. i hope she is ok and i cannot wait to see her again. until then, i cannot live my life asking why why why because i will never find the answer and that will drive me insane. instead i must accept, learn and continue to live life with as much passion as ive always had for it. i have amazing friends that have helped me out in so many moments of despair, i have my family who have all been really great to me and i have luis who makes me feel happy again. im not sure where im going with this, im just rambling about everything. i just have so many emotions bottled up inside of me and its hard to sort them out. in this instant my life is so good, all it is missing is her. i am enjoying my classes and i am putting so much more effort than i did last semester, i am spending more time by myself and i am completely fine with that, i have stopped some unhealthy habits and started some healthy ones, my relationship with my mom keeps going in the right direction, i have luis and he makes me feel out of this world and really seems to enjoy me for who i am, i have really understanding roommates and i have my diana. i sometimes wonder if everything was strategically placed like that so i can cope with such an immense loss in a better way. i'm not gonna lie, sometimes i put up a front bc i dont want people to worry about me but im getting there. i will make it. i loved her so much and i know she would have done the same with me, she would have enjoyed life regardless of it all and she would have thought about me the whole ride as i am doing with her.
im off to physics and logic & proof of mathematics, off to get some stuff and the off to down south to be with diana and then luis.