"Hey is this your first time here? Can I get Garden Burger? Josh your order is ready. ' lmao

[starch1ck]

Today was pretty cool, I bought Nekromantix Dead Girls Don't Cry and Best Of The Doors on vinyl. My computer is still fucking up I swear I can only be on the net for like 5 mins then it decides that it wants to pop up like 40 fucking ads. Today I was thinking about my dad a lot more and more each day it's starting to click that he's never coming back yes I know he's dead we have his ashes and his picture near them but it still hadn't clicked in my head now it's starting to and it hurts really bad. Yeah I know everyone experiences death in the family but you never think you will loose one of your parents. It's not just like Oh hey yeah my dad died. I found him dead on the floor in my parents bedroom noone will never know whats thats like unless you've experienced finding someone you love dead. To see my dad's lifeless dead body on the floor having my mom there hysterically crying to call 911. Yes I'm happy that my dad is not suffering with his excruciating migraine headaches and being stressed out with all the financial shit we were going through at the time, no more high blood pressure no more monthly sickness and he died painlessly at home which gives me some peace. It's just a hard thing to except and I'm trying really fucking hard to except it. To everyone else it may not seem like I'm trying to be happy or something other than anger, and depression but I honestly try, I still get overly emotional about things i'm working on it especially me being overly fucken defensive and worrying about stupid shit I have a huge problem with that and my temper I get mad about things really easily because sometimes people piss me off or me being the retard that I am i just get mad about stupid pointless shit that doesn't even matter within the next 10 mins. It's not just because of my dad's death I'm not trying to use that as an excuse or reason why I act the way I do sometimes it's just a hard thing to deal with and yeah my emotions are still a little fucked sometimes but hopefully I'll get over that soon . I know my dad will always be here to watch over me. But I miss all the little things. Him waking up in the morning making coffee cussing and shit saying 'Goddamn mondays are a bitch' everyday the memories play like a movie in my head and everything around me reminds me of him. I know this is only the beginning and it's gonna get harder for a while but the cliche of it'll get better with time will happen eventually. On the way home we were talking about death and I felt like i needed to talk about my dad in my journal since sometimes it's easier to write what you feel than to actually say it. I just want to be how I was before my dad's death and maybe soon I will be, I'm not saying I was a whole different person before it happened I was just a little different than I am now. I'm just thankful I still have my mother she's one strong ass lady. I start working soon and I know that will help me out a whole lot. Okay yeah that's pretty much it for this entry.

"You're gone forever? I miss you so
a world without you will never be the same"