hum-didly-dee
So I walked outside today from Josh's and I was looking up at the stars and tonight was jsut such a clear perfect night and I dont know it jsut got me thinking and I miss having someone to go lay outside in the grass with and jsut lay together looking up at the sky and tlaking about nothing. sometimes I wonder if I will ever have anything remotly close to that agian. I mean I dont know what I'm even saying at this point. and its not that I miss him it's just that I miss everything I had. I dont know I just want things to me good again, I mean dont get me wrong yes im very happy with most things. but I need to start getting my life back on track. Not saying I neccassarily want to quit smoking even though it woudl probably be a good idea. I jsut want things changed. I want to change the way I live my life and everything... and to think this all started becasue I was looking up at the stars and realized how clear of a night it was and how much I missed having what I thought I used to have... and I say that becasue in the beginning you were exactly what I wanted... and then as the weeks went on I realized that you were fake from the start. and as much as I dont care anymore and as much as I wish that things were different with us... I still want to wish you a happy late birthday... becasue as much as I dont want you back... I still care about and miss you and I hope that someday maybe 10 years from now maybe I'll be somewhere at the same time you are and we can start over like nothing ever went wrong and nothing ever happened with us and we never fought and maybe you will realize that you wanted this the entire time. I dont know...
~I miss that feeling of being wanted~
~I miss that feeling of being wanted~