maybe a bit carried away???
Recently, Russ posted in his livejournal about being emotionally immature. Well, i got to thinking about that tonite. And i came up with the conclusion of "Arent we all?" Think about this... we are all, right now, at the age where we know shit about life. love. And everything else. We are old enough to realize we dont know a damn thing. We grew up with schools, and family teaching us things, but we were too young, too distracted, to understand the things around us. We were held securely in the little worlds we had created. But were older, and hopefully wiser. But not wise enough. In our youth, we had no real reason to contemplate what life was about. We were able to dream, and hope and wish, but honestly, there wasnt much we could change. So here we are now, at the ages where we are learning/taking control of our lives. The blinders are off, as well as the protectors. Mommy and Daddy cant shelter us anymore, its time for us to make these choices ourselves. And more and more the real world comes and slaps us in the face. As much as wed all like to think we know what the world, and even moreso ourselves are about, we really know shit. We are all emotionally immature. So, early in life, and even in the infamous "highschool relationships" we thoght we were so smart. We thought we were learning it all, and by the time we got out of highschool, we were sure we knew everything we needed to know. Now take the first relationship, or even first person you dated out of highschool. When everything takes on a new perspective. In my case, after mending myself, it hough i was ready to just jump back into the dating pool. And a older, but deffinatly immature boy broke me into pieces. Instead of the bounce back effect highschool sheltering had on me, i had to learn how to put myself back together. And after everything there, i was sure that i knew what to expect in relationships. I began to come up with my own theories on what life, and
"love" is all about. i began to ponder why i am here, and realized how shitty this world is. I began to debate things liek marrage, and children, or just staying independant, and single for hte rest of my life. A few weeks ago, i even came up with more theories on what love is, and what misconseptions of it that people have... and people seemed to have bought it too. like, it just made sense to us. That everything we were taught to think about falling in love, and the lives were supposed to lead, it was okay to think differently, it was alright ot have our own theories...
but i ask this question... what the hell do i know? who am i to make such claims, and to think of such theories? Anyone can come up with an idea and let it run away with them, but honestly, what do they know? For as inexperienced as i am??? how could i have enough information built up to just completly turn the standards i grew up believing in around, jsut in the matter of a few conversations??? And what didi get for letting my mind wander, and exposing thoughts of mine? well, i know i certianly stuck myself rite into a state of confusion. how can i say one thing, and the next day feel the other way? and so on and so forth? I sure as hell cant be true to myself if i change how i feel consitantly.
BUT OF COURSE... this is expected of people at this age, rite? Since were finally REALLY learning who we are, and what life has to offer, were supposed to ask these questions. Were supposed to contradict ourselves, and our thoughts, and beliefs... right? Because, overall, we are still emotionally immature. In fact, whenin life to you BECOME emotionally mature???
Im starting to think we never will. Im also starting to wonder if I will make it through this phase of life. I struggled very much with most of hte other ones ive gone through up to this point... and if there is one thing that irritates the crap out of me, its always contradicting/ making an ass out of ones self...(how else are we going to learn???)
once again, a fine example of theories i really should learn to keep to myself...
"love" is all about. i began to ponder why i am here, and realized how shitty this world is. I began to debate things liek marrage, and children, or just staying independant, and single for hte rest of my life. A few weeks ago, i even came up with more theories on what love is, and what misconseptions of it that people have... and people seemed to have bought it too. like, it just made sense to us. That everything we were taught to think about falling in love, and the lives were supposed to lead, it was okay to think differently, it was alright ot have our own theories...
but i ask this question... what the hell do i know? who am i to make such claims, and to think of such theories? Anyone can come up with an idea and let it run away with them, but honestly, what do they know? For as inexperienced as i am??? how could i have enough information built up to just completly turn the standards i grew up believing in around, jsut in the matter of a few conversations??? And what didi get for letting my mind wander, and exposing thoughts of mine? well, i know i certianly stuck myself rite into a state of confusion. how can i say one thing, and the next day feel the other way? and so on and so forth? I sure as hell cant be true to myself if i change how i feel consitantly.
BUT OF COURSE... this is expected of people at this age, rite? Since were finally REALLY learning who we are, and what life has to offer, were supposed to ask these questions. Were supposed to contradict ourselves, and our thoughts, and beliefs... right? Because, overall, we are still emotionally immature. In fact, whenin life to you BECOME emotionally mature???
Im starting to think we never will. Im also starting to wonder if I will make it through this phase of life. I struggled very much with most of hte other ones ive gone through up to this point... and if there is one thing that irritates the crap out of me, its always contradicting/ making an ass out of ones self...(how else are we going to learn???)
once again, a fine example of theories i really should learn to keep to myself...