Omake, with MomoRyo
And, omake.
Disclaimer- already there in previous parts, actually... yes... -launches into best Shinji imitation about topic-
Summary- What do you do when you finish a rather serious story? OMAKE!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Just deal with it...
Thank you for everyone's support in my entrance to TeniPuri fandom! I'm now open for requests! -looks around, SIGHS-
Author's mind- Ooh, omake is scary... and humor? MOOOOOOU! But wait, I have humor background! -nods knowledgeably- Remember that whole story you wrote for Sailormoon which was humor, boku-chan! Yes! Ganbatte, imoto! WAI WAI WAI! I do have some pent-up silliness that needs unleashing...
-tries to think of things to omake-
Oh, and today's my BIRTHDAY! -heart heart heart-
Warning- as complete crack as I can make it.
***
Keep Your Style
Variable 3- Omake
Starbrigid
Episode One- In Which Inui Confesses to the Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name, But Nobody Really Cares
Inui faced his parents. "I'm gay."
"Big whoop," Leiko said from the corner, and returned to her math homework.
Inui frowned, corner of his mouth beginning to twitch a bit. "Tou-san. Kaa-san. Doesn't that bother you?"
"That's nice, dear," Yuzuriha called, and looked back down at the business proposal in her lap. "Hmm... add another zero and I'll think about it... oh, no wait, they're only offering zero... aw, shit... no wait, no swearing in front of the kids..."
"Dear, you're going out of character," Shinobu said gently.
"Oh, sorry."
Twitch. Twitch. "You're not going to be grandparents. I won't bring home a pretty girl who'll turn me into a normal person. You won't get to cry at a wedding. I'll leave you alone in your old age and force you to take up residence on top of a seedy karaoke bar!"
"Sadahara, you're boring me!" Leiko called airily. "Hmm... 1/4 plus ½ definitely equals 1/8... yes, yes, I are a genius..."
Inui's racket hand was beginning to shake a bit. Apparently he might have been becoming a bit angry. "This is supposed to be a dramatic revelation... Think of your only son, liking boys... kissing boys... doing illicit things with boys... ooh, like Kaidoh... oh wait, did I say that out loud? Oh, yes, I did!" Evil grin which faded at the sight of complete disinterest.
"Look at me!" Inui cried. "I'm gay! Gay, gay, gay! Homosexual! Special! Fag! Okama! Play for the home team! Right side of the road! Shirt-lifter! Fairy! Pansy! Ponce! 69?!!!"
"You're going out of character," Shinobu said lovingly.
He tried to move to tell off his father but bumped his head on the ceiling. He was way too tall, after all. "Okay, who moved the ceiling down a meter?" he frowned.
Leiko lazily raised a hand, attention still on her math homework. "X plus 2 equals 2X plus 1.... yeah, X definitely must be 15..."
"Why did you move the ceiling down?" Inui asked, grip on his notebook tightening.
"I was bored."
"Would you like some tea, dear?" Yuzuriha asked pleasantly.
"How about a shrubbery?" Shinobu said, taking on a British accent.
Inui turned to the camera. "Okay, my family clearly is more interested in physical humor and ripping off Monty Python than me. I think I'll go kill myself."
"Out of character," Shinobu said sadly, shaking his head. "So out of character..."
"Hey, I'm Japanese," Yuzuriha said. "I don't know what a shrubbery is."
"Me either," Shinobu frowned, then a lightbulb came on over his head. "Hey, wait, Sadahara, did you say you're gay?"
"Yes!" Inui said eagerly. "Yes, I did!"
"Oh," Shinobu said nonchalantly. "Just checking. Oh, Sadahara, why can't you be as intelligent and hardworking as your sister?" A pause. "Do either of you two wonderful children know what a shrubbery is?
"Nit. Nit. Nit nit nit. Bring out your dead! -insert coconut sounds- Your arm's off! Tis but a scratch. What is your favorite color? You're the king? I never voted for a king! Shrubbery! -bonks head with book- I'm pretty sure I'm not dead. Killer rabbit of doom! I soiled myself! -ridiculous french accent- We shall throw excrements at you! And there was much rejoicing." Shinobu coughed. "Okay, it's out of my system now." Evil grin. "Now onto Life of Brian!"
Inui: "Goodbye cruel world!" Dull thud.
Leiko sighed. "Geez, Sadahara, you're not gonna be able to kill yourself by jumping out of a first story window. Man, I really am a lot smarter than you, aren't I? The square root of 16 is 6..."
"No, it's 42," Inui muttered. "Well, at least I know who I get my sadism from."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery a.k.a. Starbrigid's sister and stuffed animals ("my children")
Sister- Okay, that's... nice... -hates all anime but Utena, Haibane Renmei, Sailor Moon, and Kenshin, and has never even seen TeniPuri, though has to listen to me babble about it-
Peggy Panda- What's gay, Mommy?
Starbrigid- Uh... HAPPY! -big smile-
Yahiko-bear- Wow! Leiko is so smart!
Starbrigid- Uh, yeah... -sweatdrops-
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Inui have to commit suicide! SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- Okay... Moving on...
***
Episode Two- In Which Inui Takes More Grief, and Fuji Is Generally Satan
"Fuji, I don't really think this is necessary..."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't really think I was that bad..."
"You mentioned my brother. In a mocking way."
"Well, yes, Fuji, but I don't think it requires me being dangled over a pit of molten lava..."
Fuji was, in fact, dangling Inui over a pit of molten lava. Anyone interested in how Fuji got this pit of molten lava is probably better off not knowing. Let's just say it had something to do with the Mount Fuji, demon summoning, and cheap cardboard.
Fuji, eyes open, was smiling at Inui in his most sadistic way. Inui, rather panicked, was squirming, trying to get out of the immensely complicated chains Fuji had bound him with. They almost made a person think Fuji had some experience with bondage before...
"What did you expect, for me to seduce you?" Fuji rolled his eyes. "Why does everyone think I'm a slut?"
"Because you'd make such a good one?" Inui grinned, and was promptly lowered a few centimeters closer to the lava. "Fuji, I do think you're overreacting! All I did was just say a few words! No harm done!"
"He's my brother, and I will protect him." Cue heroic pose.
"Yeah, that's why Mizuki's banging him..."
Sharply, "Inui, it almost sounds like you want to die..."
"INUI-SEMPAI!"
A sudden brave yell sounded, and there was Kaidoh, running towards them, ready to save his Inui-sempai. Fuji neatly sidestepped him, and Kaidoh fell into the pit of molten lava. He soon burned to death, and only a green bandana remained, floating on the top and whistling 'Make You Free.'
"You know, now that Kaidoh's dead, I'd really, really rather be seduced," Inui said hopefully, giving his best perverted look, which was pretty much his default, actually.
"Hmm." Fuji gave him a speculative look, big blue eyes never blinking once. The blood was beginning to rush to Inui's head, actually. "What's in it for me?"
Then- "Aniki?" Yuuta stood there, looking very confused.
"Yuuta?" Fuji's eyes grew big and shiny in true shoujo style. "You came to see me, Yuuta?"
Fuji dropped Inui and ran to Yuuta, glomping him. "YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA! I knew you loved me!"
Yuuta shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, actually, Aniki, I just came to tell you that Mizuki and I are getting married. Will you be the flower girl?"
Fuji blinked, then tossed Yuuta over into his shoulder into the lava where Kaidoh's bandanna and Inui's glasses now lived, and without a second glance. Yuuta's head joined them, since he has no such distinguishing features, being a basically unloved secondary character.
"Will you stop that?" Yuuta-head snapped to Kaidoh-bandanna, who was still whistling.
"Make you fre- Ssss," went Kaidoh-bandanna, but stopped singing.
"So, what is it like around here?" Inui-glasses asked, now brandishing a rather charred notebook.
Kaidoh-bandanna shrugged. "It's a livin'."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- -was not available, so Starbrigid has made up her comment- Wow! You're so cool though odd, imoto-chan! -goes into Wayne's World bowing- I am not WORTHY! I am not WORTHY! Take my Haibane Renmei DVD's! Let me be your personal slave!
Peggy Panda- Lava's cool.
Yahiko-bear- I don't get it. Cardboard?
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did they all have to burn up! SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- My stuffed animals do not appreciate my genius. Again, moving on...
***
Episode Three- In Which Inui and Kaidoh Reach New Levels of Trust in their Beautiful Platonic Friendship
"Ssss..."
"It's alright, Kaidoh."
"Ssss..."
"Really, it is."
"Inui-sempai, I really don't think it's right for me to..."
"Kaidoh, you won't come any further in your training if you don't learn to obey me."
"...hai, sempai."
"Now, it's mine, so I can choose who I want to use it, right?"
"Ssss."
"Come on, Kaidoh. It would make your sempai happy."
Kaidoh reached out and took ahold of it. Inui inhaled sharply, surprised, then smiled.
"Good, Kaidoh. You are obedient. Now what do you think?"
A startled hiss. "It's... so smooth, sempai. And long."
"Yours will be longer when you're older, Kaidoh. Probably longer than mine."
"I don't think so, sempai."
A low laugh. "How does it feel, Kaidoh?"
"I-" Kaidoh flushed. "I don't know." His hand moved up. "It's so tight!"
"It should be," Inui smiled. "It feels good..."
"Yes, it does," Kaidoh admitted, tracing his fingertips around it. Inui, from where he was sprawled out on the ground, sighed. He hadn't expected this to feel so right.
"Come on, Kaidoh," Inui hissed, voice commanding, impatient, then. "Get on with it."
"H-hai," Kaidoh said, startled. His face turned even redder as he looked down at his own, unused, untouched.
Kaidoh leaned back, then took an experimental swing. Inui, watching the older boy where he stood, nodded. "What do you think?"
Kaidoh sighed. "Ssss... I still don't think it's right for me to use your racket, sempai."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- -again not available- -Starbrigid sulks- How 'bout my Kenshin posters? You want my Kenshin posters? Here, take my poster of Juri I obsess over every night and worship.
Peggy Panda- I don't get it. Kaidoh's just trying Inui's racket. Why is that funny?
Starbrigid- SWEATDROP...
Yahiko-bear- Neh, Mommy, can I take up tennis? It sounds fun.
Starbrigid- face-faults- Uh...
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did it have to not be a hentai story? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- A little worried now...
***
Episode Four- In Which A Kiss Does Not Go As Planned, and There Is An Unlawful Crossover -looks scandalized- Who me? NO, NEVER! And One of the Two is In Character
"Shut up," Kaidoh said, and kissed him. At the time, Kaidoh didn't know why he'd done it, only that he was angry, and confused, and he wanted to.
He'd never kissed anyone before. His mouth met Inui-sempai's almost hesitantly, made its way inside, and it was strange, unbalanced, and Kaidoh stumbled, too, fell into Inui.
Inui-sempai was wet, warm but surprisingly cold, too. He felt his mind dropping away, failing him as his hands limply pulled onto blue Seigaku jersey, strange new taste like the slickness of honey, like a melting ice cube, and soft.
It was like a shock to his body, strange, completely new feeling traveling up his spine, to his brain, plaintive, confused, aching, the pleasure of everything he didn't and shouldn't know. His muscles snapped, inverting, and he stumbled back, awkward, so little balance today, the oxygen pouring in and out of his lungs like wildfire, escaping him.
He could feel his face filling with heat, red like a fire hydrant smashed open, spewing water open onto the path he jogged along each day. And then Inui pushed him away and began to wail.
Kaidoh, face still red, stared at his sempai, bewildered. "Huh?"
"WAH!" Inui yelled, looking ready to cry. "What did you have to do that for?"
"I-" Kaidoh looked down unhappily.
"I'm straight!" Inui proclaimed. "I hate boys! Ew, a boy kissed me! And yucky Kaidoh, too! Nasty!"
He began to spit on the ground. "You're hurting the environment, sempai," Kaidoh said, bewildered and rather hurt.
"So? You mess with my manhood, you mess me with me," Inui declared. "Come on, let's go! You and me, outside!"
"We are outside, sempai," Kaidoh said, staring.
Inui tried to make a move, but since he didn't have his glasses, he couldn't see anything. Inui slipped and fell into the river!
"Help, I'm drowning!" Inui yelled, beginning to paddle ridiculously at the very shallow water.
A giant panda suddenly appeared, holding up a sign that said, "Out of Character." From the distance a boy's yell sounded. "Hey, Pop! They need their show's father, not you! Come back here!"
Genma: ???
"Take your father, then!" Kaidoh yelled miserably, and drop-kicked Saotome Genma back where he belonged. "Ssss!"
"Help!" Inui yelled, still apparently drowning. "HELP!"
"Oh, shut up, sempai," Kaidoh muttered.
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- Time to go to your clarinet lesson.
Starbrigid- Okay! -skips off-
Peggy Panda- You're corrupting my innocence, Mommy.
Yahiko-bear- Feed me.
Starbrigid- Gone.
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Inui break Kaidoh's heart? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa.
Starbrigid- Gone, be back soon...
***
Episode Four- The Kiss Version Two- In Which Everyone is Sort Of In Character, But it Makes Little Difference
"Shut up," Kaidoh said, and kissed him. At the time, Kaidoh didn't know why he'd done it, only that he was angry, and confused, and he wanted to.
He'd never kissed anyone before. His mouth met Inui-sempai's almost hesitantly, made its way inside, and it was strange, unbalanced, and Kaidoh stumbled, too, fell into Inui.
Inui-sempai was wet, warm but surprisingly cold, too. He felt his mind dropping away,
failing him as his hands limply pulled onto blue Seigaku jersey, strange new taste like the slickness of honey, like a melting ice cube, and soft.
It was like a shock to his body, strange, completely new feeling traveling up his spine, to his brain, plaintive, confused, aching, the pleasure of everything he didn't and shouldn't know. His muscles snapped, inverting, and he stumbled back, awkward, so little balance today, the oxygen pouring in and out of his lungs like wildfire, escaping him.
He could feel his face filling with heat, red like a fire hydrant smashed open, spewing water open onto the path he jogged along each day. He hastily pulled back, completely speechless. Inui didn't say anything.
Then an unmistakable voice yelled, "What the hell?"
A different voice cried, "Momo, you jerk! Get off my foot!" There was a sudden outbreak of yelling, then the entirety of Seigaku's regulars, Kikumaru, Oishi, Fuji, Echizen, Kawamura, Momoshiro too, even Tezuka, tumbled out of a nearby bush.
"Inui and Kaidoh?"
"Who would have thought?"
"Hey, they're blushing!"
"Who knew Kaidoh was gay?"
"Inui and Kaidoh?"
"This is interesting..."
"Sweet..."
"Yuck! My eyes, my eyes!"
"MAMUSHI?"
Kaidoh just stared at all of them in disbelief. "W-what?"
"Yaru jan, Kaidoh-sempai," Echizen said, breaking the sudden silence and giving his sempai a cocky salute with his cap.
"T-Tezuka?" Inui stared. "Even you... and Kaidoh, you..." He reached up, felt his lips, at a loss for words or thoughts.
"Congratulations, you two!" Oishi cried. "I... I hope you're happy!"
"Does this mean Inui will stop making yucky juices?" Kikumaru asked. "And, CUTE!"
"Here, Taka-san," Fuji said quietly, handing a speechless Taka a racket.
"OH YEAH! BURNING! HEAT OF YOUTH LOVE! KAWAMURA TAKASHI-SAMA HEARTILY APPROVES, EVEN THOUGH IT IS INUI AND KAIDOH, AND ORE-SAMA HAD NO IDEA, AND IT'S RATHER GROSS! SO, HEAT! DON'T STOP!"
"Hey, Inui-sempai, since you got the stinky Mamushi, can I have my spot back?" Momo said hopefully. "Hey, Mamushi, looks like you go for psychos, huh?"
"Teme..."
"Don't let this interfere with your club activities," said Tezuka. "Let's go," he finished, and walked off. The rest of the regulars regretfully followed.
"What did-" Inui stared at Fuji.
"I think everyone, even Kikumaru, saw something a bit different about you before this," Fuji said, smiling sweetly. "You deserve each other."
The two of them stared at each other, bright red and completely confused. Then a slow smile spread over Inui's face. "What was that, Kaidoh?"
Kaidoh hissed, looked down, his softer, more vulnerable side showing, turned inside out. "I... I like you, Inui-sempai."
Inui opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Oishi jogged back to them, Kikumaru danging off his back. "Inui! Kaidoh! I forgot!" Oishi huffed, then turned up to them earnestly, Kikumaru smiling and nuzzling Oishi's back. Oishi stumbled a bit under his partner's weight, then retrieved an object from his pocket. It was... oh, God.
"Don't forget to be safe!" Oishi said earnestly, and handed it to Inui.
"Nya, Oishi, WE never-"
"EIJI!"
***
Episode Five- In Which Inui's Heart is Tragically Broken and Tezuka is Rather Strange
Tezuka stood in Inui's path, apparently having been waiting for him. "Inui? I have something I need to discuss with you," he said.
Inui nodded. "Shall we go to the clubhouse, then?"
Tezuka nodded back, and they proceeded to the clubhouse, Inui scribbling in his notebook the whole way. Finally they reached it. Tezuka closed the door carefully behind him. Inui's mind squealed, Gonna get lucky!
Tezuka sat down on the bench. "Now what I have to say cannot be said easily, I'm afraid," Tezuka said gravely.
"Yes?" Inui frowned.
"Get over it, Inui."
"Huh?" Inui blinked, completely surprised.
"Inui, I know about your obsession with me. I thought you'd get over it, but it's only getting worse, and so it has to stop."
"Tezuka..." Inui stared.
Tezuka's eyes were like ice. "Do you understand, Inui? Stop staring at me, stop following me, stop calling me, stop spying on me."
Inui looked down. "Hai, Buchou. But- why? Is there someone else?"
"Yes, actually," said Tezuka.
"Who?" Inui said shakily, heart feeling as if it had been sliced in half.
"Ryuuzaki-sensei."
***
Sister- Uh, moto? Time to come down and help get ready for your party.
Starbrigid- Working on it! :-)
Peggy Panda- -very glad she doesn't know anything about TeniPuri-
Yahiko-bear- Yay, pure love!
Starbrigid- ...Oh my GOD.
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Tezuka break Inui's heart? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaaaaaaa.
Starbrigid- These are getting steadily more cracked, despite the new serious writing style, I swear...
Starbrigid -much later- - Okay! -clears throat- Just cause I got distracted re-watching Trigun does NOT mean I'm not going to finish this in a blaze of glory!
***
Episode Six- In Which the Epic Omake Saga Ends, The POV is Changed to First Person Echizen, There is Fluff and Angst, and Things Get Distressingly Serious- Not Even Actually Omake Anymore! A.K.A. The Cleverly Disguised Epilogue
Author's Note- If you've seen the serious episode of Excel Saga, picture a voice yelling "the gags! the gags! NOOOOOOO!"
Watching you
This is the stupidest thing ever.
I make my mind up and push myself to my feet. It's easy, my father taught me to jump to my feet with no hands when I was little and I still can. I just don't like to. That's Kikumaru's department anyway.
I have to hurry, because I'm on the roof, and you're all the way down there, and it's a long way down. You look like you're about to leave, rubbing your head sheepishly, like you're embarrassed. You should wait for me, Momo-sempai. I don't know why I'm doing this.
I could call down to you, but I won't. That's not something I could do. So I run down the stairs, and it's not as bad as it would be to someone like Horio, because I'm strong with things like that. So the stairs are speeding past me, and I don't know when I started going this fast, and I feel like I might cry, even though I feel just as cocky as ever, smirking.
I try to count the floors but then decide it's not important. I reach the ground floor, I know because it's the end of the stairs, sunlight and green grass showing through the little window on the door. I push the door open, and it's a bit heavier than I expected, and the stop a bit higher up from the ground than I expected, so I stumble as I come out, and Momo-sempai hears me.
I give him my you-suck look, which he's always seemed completely immune to anyway. "Hey, Momo-sempai."
"Echizen?" Momo frowns, stopping in midstep.
"Wait, sempai," I say authoritatively, strolling up to where he stands, staring at me. I'm about to say something, but then my voice catches in my throat. My brow furrows. What's wrong with me?
What can I say to someone like sempai? I don't know what to say to that idiot.
"Come back to practice," I finally say, and I'm ordering him, like I have every right in the world to, and I do. I'd like to own sempai, like I'd like to own the rest of the world, so I could make him do things like coming back, so he'd stay himself like that. It's not like I like him, it's that I'm used to him, like he's used to me.
Then Momo-sempai does something, he makes himself real short, and pulls down an imaginary cap, and speaks in a voice like mine, and he's imitating me. "Yadda." Don't wanna.
I lean forward and kick him in the shin. He yelps. "Echizen! You little-"
I know I'm charismatic. I don't particularly want it, but I have power over the world around me more than anyone else, to shape people and events the way I want if I just try. That's why I'm so good at tennis, that I try. And this is important, taisetsu, precious, Japanese is still weird after speaking English, though I'd never let anyone see that, and I wanna cry.
I smile. "I need my doubles partner back, Momo-sempai."
Momo-sempai stares at me like he's never seen me before, like he's thinking real hard. Hope he doesn't hurt himself is my automatic thought, but I don't particularly like it. I'm feeling strange, like when I hug Karupin, or I bite down on a double cheeseburger after practice, or when I score a point on Tezuka-buchou or Fuji-sempai, or when Momo-sempai used to whine and beg me to get ice cream with him.
I think of Dad and his girl magazines for some reason, and that little girl related to Ryuuzaki-sensei who always cries and gets lost and falls over who Horio says likes me. I don't like those girls, and I don't like that girl. The only thing in this world I really like is tennis.
"Play a game with me or something," I blurt, and my frustration is showing.
Momo gapes at me really airheaded, then his eyes widen, and he looks almost really happy, for the first time since he played Inui-sempai. He smirks, and he smirks different than me, like a joke, that he's sharing with me, laughing with me about. "Did you miss me, Echizen?" he asked, and I think he might be surprised, because I'm surprised myself.
Then he's darted forward and grabbed me and's messing with my hair, which I always make just right in the morning and he always used to mess up, and he's surrounded me, draped around me like Kikumaru-sempai. They're the same in a lot of ways, only they're completely different, I think. "You're so cute, kid," he laughs into my ear, nice-mocking, and I frown.
"That hurts," I say, keeping my voice disgruntled and detached. But something feels kind of warm.
This is the stupidest thing ever. But how could it not be since it's about you, Momo-sempai?
"I-" I wince, sort of looking down, only I'm with Momo-sempai, so my head goes into his shoulder, and it's big, and his jacket's soft and warm, a different kind of warm than the heat pouring down, the heat that I'd forgotten in all these other thoughts. My head's thinking of scores, 15-love, 30-love, 40-love, game. I'm sweating, and sempai is, too, and he smells like that, and tennis courts, which have their own distinctive smell that I'm in love with.
"I wish you were still a regular instead of Inui-sempai."
"Echizen?" Momo-sempai sounds almost concerned, now, and that's wrong, and I think he might be a little more like he is usually now.
So I'm me, too, and I step back, and it's the you-suck look again, and the I-rule, and what are we both doing wasting time in a place like this, anyway?
"Play a game with me, Momo-sempai. I'll kick your ass."
Disclaimer- already there in previous parts, actually... yes... -launches into best Shinji imitation about topic-
Summary- What do you do when you finish a rather serious story? OMAKE!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Just deal with it...
Thank you for everyone's support in my entrance to TeniPuri fandom! I'm now open for requests! -looks around, SIGHS-
Author's mind- Ooh, omake is scary... and humor? MOOOOOOU! But wait, I have humor background! -nods knowledgeably- Remember that whole story you wrote for Sailormoon which was humor, boku-chan! Yes! Ganbatte, imoto! WAI WAI WAI! I do have some pent-up silliness that needs unleashing...
-tries to think of things to omake-
Oh, and today's my BIRTHDAY! -heart heart heart-
Warning- as complete crack as I can make it.
***
Keep Your Style
Variable 3- Omake
Starbrigid
Episode One- In Which Inui Confesses to the Love that Dare Not Speak Its Name, But Nobody Really Cares
Inui faced his parents. "I'm gay."
"Big whoop," Leiko said from the corner, and returned to her math homework.
Inui frowned, corner of his mouth beginning to twitch a bit. "Tou-san. Kaa-san. Doesn't that bother you?"
"That's nice, dear," Yuzuriha called, and looked back down at the business proposal in her lap. "Hmm... add another zero and I'll think about it... oh, no wait, they're only offering zero... aw, shit... no wait, no swearing in front of the kids..."
"Dear, you're going out of character," Shinobu said gently.
"Oh, sorry."
Twitch. Twitch. "You're not going to be grandparents. I won't bring home a pretty girl who'll turn me into a normal person. You won't get to cry at a wedding. I'll leave you alone in your old age and force you to take up residence on top of a seedy karaoke bar!"
"Sadahara, you're boring me!" Leiko called airily. "Hmm... 1/4 plus ½ definitely equals 1/8... yes, yes, I are a genius..."
Inui's racket hand was beginning to shake a bit. Apparently he might have been becoming a bit angry. "This is supposed to be a dramatic revelation... Think of your only son, liking boys... kissing boys... doing illicit things with boys... ooh, like Kaidoh... oh wait, did I say that out loud? Oh, yes, I did!" Evil grin which faded at the sight of complete disinterest.
"Look at me!" Inui cried. "I'm gay! Gay, gay, gay! Homosexual! Special! Fag! Okama! Play for the home team! Right side of the road! Shirt-lifter! Fairy! Pansy! Ponce! 69?!!!"
"You're going out of character," Shinobu said lovingly.
He tried to move to tell off his father but bumped his head on the ceiling. He was way too tall, after all. "Okay, who moved the ceiling down a meter?" he frowned.
Leiko lazily raised a hand, attention still on her math homework. "X plus 2 equals 2X plus 1.... yeah, X definitely must be 15..."
"Why did you move the ceiling down?" Inui asked, grip on his notebook tightening.
"I was bored."
"Would you like some tea, dear?" Yuzuriha asked pleasantly.
"How about a shrubbery?" Shinobu said, taking on a British accent.
Inui turned to the camera. "Okay, my family clearly is more interested in physical humor and ripping off Monty Python than me. I think I'll go kill myself."
"Out of character," Shinobu said sadly, shaking his head. "So out of character..."
"Hey, I'm Japanese," Yuzuriha said. "I don't know what a shrubbery is."
"Me either," Shinobu frowned, then a lightbulb came on over his head. "Hey, wait, Sadahara, did you say you're gay?"
"Yes!" Inui said eagerly. "Yes, I did!"
"Oh," Shinobu said nonchalantly. "Just checking. Oh, Sadahara, why can't you be as intelligent and hardworking as your sister?" A pause. "Do either of you two wonderful children know what a shrubbery is?
"Nit. Nit. Nit nit nit. Bring out your dead! -insert coconut sounds- Your arm's off! Tis but a scratch. What is your favorite color? You're the king? I never voted for a king! Shrubbery! -bonks head with book- I'm pretty sure I'm not dead. Killer rabbit of doom! I soiled myself! -ridiculous french accent- We shall throw excrements at you! And there was much rejoicing." Shinobu coughed. "Okay, it's out of my system now." Evil grin. "Now onto Life of Brian!"
Inui: "Goodbye cruel world!" Dull thud.
Leiko sighed. "Geez, Sadahara, you're not gonna be able to kill yourself by jumping out of a first story window. Man, I really am a lot smarter than you, aren't I? The square root of 16 is 6..."
"No, it's 42," Inui muttered. "Well, at least I know who I get my sadism from."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery a.k.a. Starbrigid's sister and stuffed animals ("my children")
Sister- Okay, that's... nice... -hates all anime but Utena, Haibane Renmei, Sailor Moon, and Kenshin, and has never even seen TeniPuri, though has to listen to me babble about it-
Peggy Panda- What's gay, Mommy?
Starbrigid- Uh... HAPPY! -big smile-
Yahiko-bear- Wow! Leiko is so smart!
Starbrigid- Uh, yeah... -sweatdrops-
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Inui have to commit suicide! SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- Okay... Moving on...
***
Episode Two- In Which Inui Takes More Grief, and Fuji Is Generally Satan
"Fuji, I don't really think this is necessary..."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't really think I was that bad..."
"You mentioned my brother. In a mocking way."
"Well, yes, Fuji, but I don't think it requires me being dangled over a pit of molten lava..."
Fuji was, in fact, dangling Inui over a pit of molten lava. Anyone interested in how Fuji got this pit of molten lava is probably better off not knowing. Let's just say it had something to do with the Mount Fuji, demon summoning, and cheap cardboard.
Fuji, eyes open, was smiling at Inui in his most sadistic way. Inui, rather panicked, was squirming, trying to get out of the immensely complicated chains Fuji had bound him with. They almost made a person think Fuji had some experience with bondage before...
"What did you expect, for me to seduce you?" Fuji rolled his eyes. "Why does everyone think I'm a slut?"
"Because you'd make such a good one?" Inui grinned, and was promptly lowered a few centimeters closer to the lava. "Fuji, I do think you're overreacting! All I did was just say a few words! No harm done!"
"He's my brother, and I will protect him." Cue heroic pose.
"Yeah, that's why Mizuki's banging him..."
Sharply, "Inui, it almost sounds like you want to die..."
"INUI-SEMPAI!"
A sudden brave yell sounded, and there was Kaidoh, running towards them, ready to save his Inui-sempai. Fuji neatly sidestepped him, and Kaidoh fell into the pit of molten lava. He soon burned to death, and only a green bandana remained, floating on the top and whistling 'Make You Free.'
"You know, now that Kaidoh's dead, I'd really, really rather be seduced," Inui said hopefully, giving his best perverted look, which was pretty much his default, actually.
"Hmm." Fuji gave him a speculative look, big blue eyes never blinking once. The blood was beginning to rush to Inui's head, actually. "What's in it for me?"
Then- "Aniki?" Yuuta stood there, looking very confused.
"Yuuta?" Fuji's eyes grew big and shiny in true shoujo style. "You came to see me, Yuuta?"
Fuji dropped Inui and ran to Yuuta, glomping him. "YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA YUUTA! I knew you loved me!"
Yuuta shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, actually, Aniki, I just came to tell you that Mizuki and I are getting married. Will you be the flower girl?"
Fuji blinked, then tossed Yuuta over into his shoulder into the lava where Kaidoh's bandanna and Inui's glasses now lived, and without a second glance. Yuuta's head joined them, since he has no such distinguishing features, being a basically unloved secondary character.
"Will you stop that?" Yuuta-head snapped to Kaidoh-bandanna, who was still whistling.
"Make you fre- Ssss," went Kaidoh-bandanna, but stopped singing.
"So, what is it like around here?" Inui-glasses asked, now brandishing a rather charred notebook.
Kaidoh-bandanna shrugged. "It's a livin'."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- -was not available, so Starbrigid has made up her comment- Wow! You're so cool though odd, imoto-chan! -goes into Wayne's World bowing- I am not WORTHY! I am not WORTHY! Take my Haibane Renmei DVD's! Let me be your personal slave!
Peggy Panda- Lava's cool.
Yahiko-bear- I don't get it. Cardboard?
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did they all have to burn up! SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- My stuffed animals do not appreciate my genius. Again, moving on...
***
Episode Three- In Which Inui and Kaidoh Reach New Levels of Trust in their Beautiful Platonic Friendship
"Ssss..."
"It's alright, Kaidoh."
"Ssss..."
"Really, it is."
"Inui-sempai, I really don't think it's right for me to..."
"Kaidoh, you won't come any further in your training if you don't learn to obey me."
"...hai, sempai."
"Now, it's mine, so I can choose who I want to use it, right?"
"Ssss."
"Come on, Kaidoh. It would make your sempai happy."
Kaidoh reached out and took ahold of it. Inui inhaled sharply, surprised, then smiled.
"Good, Kaidoh. You are obedient. Now what do you think?"
A startled hiss. "It's... so smooth, sempai. And long."
"Yours will be longer when you're older, Kaidoh. Probably longer than mine."
"I don't think so, sempai."
A low laugh. "How does it feel, Kaidoh?"
"I-" Kaidoh flushed. "I don't know." His hand moved up. "It's so tight!"
"It should be," Inui smiled. "It feels good..."
"Yes, it does," Kaidoh admitted, tracing his fingertips around it. Inui, from where he was sprawled out on the ground, sighed. He hadn't expected this to feel so right.
"Come on, Kaidoh," Inui hissed, voice commanding, impatient, then. "Get on with it."
"H-hai," Kaidoh said, startled. His face turned even redder as he looked down at his own, unused, untouched.
Kaidoh leaned back, then took an experimental swing. Inui, watching the older boy where he stood, nodded. "What do you think?"
Kaidoh sighed. "Ssss... I still don't think it's right for me to use your racket, sempai."
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- -again not available- -Starbrigid sulks- How 'bout my Kenshin posters? You want my Kenshin posters? Here, take my poster of Juri I obsess over every night and worship.
Peggy Panda- I don't get it. Kaidoh's just trying Inui's racket. Why is that funny?
Starbrigid- SWEATDROP...
Yahiko-bear- Neh, Mommy, can I take up tennis? It sounds fun.
Starbrigid- face-faults- Uh...
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did it have to not be a hentai story? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa. Baaaa. Baaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Baaa. Baaa. Baaa! Baa baa! Baaa. Baa...
Starbrigid- A little worried now...
***
Episode Four- In Which A Kiss Does Not Go As Planned, and There Is An Unlawful Crossover -looks scandalized- Who me? NO, NEVER! And One of the Two is In Character
"Shut up," Kaidoh said, and kissed him. At the time, Kaidoh didn't know why he'd done it, only that he was angry, and confused, and he wanted to.
He'd never kissed anyone before. His mouth met Inui-sempai's almost hesitantly, made its way inside, and it was strange, unbalanced, and Kaidoh stumbled, too, fell into Inui.
Inui-sempai was wet, warm but surprisingly cold, too. He felt his mind dropping away, failing him as his hands limply pulled onto blue Seigaku jersey, strange new taste like the slickness of honey, like a melting ice cube, and soft.
It was like a shock to his body, strange, completely new feeling traveling up his spine, to his brain, plaintive, confused, aching, the pleasure of everything he didn't and shouldn't know. His muscles snapped, inverting, and he stumbled back, awkward, so little balance today, the oxygen pouring in and out of his lungs like wildfire, escaping him.
He could feel his face filling with heat, red like a fire hydrant smashed open, spewing water open onto the path he jogged along each day. And then Inui pushed him away and began to wail.
Kaidoh, face still red, stared at his sempai, bewildered. "Huh?"
"WAH!" Inui yelled, looking ready to cry. "What did you have to do that for?"
"I-" Kaidoh looked down unhappily.
"I'm straight!" Inui proclaimed. "I hate boys! Ew, a boy kissed me! And yucky Kaidoh, too! Nasty!"
He began to spit on the ground. "You're hurting the environment, sempai," Kaidoh said, bewildered and rather hurt.
"So? You mess with my manhood, you mess me with me," Inui declared. "Come on, let's go! You and me, outside!"
"We are outside, sempai," Kaidoh said, staring.
Inui tried to make a move, but since he didn't have his glasses, he couldn't see anything. Inui slipped and fell into the river!
"Help, I'm drowning!" Inui yelled, beginning to paddle ridiculously at the very shallow water.
A giant panda suddenly appeared, holding up a sign that said, "Out of Character." From the distance a boy's yell sounded. "Hey, Pop! They need their show's father, not you! Come back here!"
Genma: ???
"Take your father, then!" Kaidoh yelled miserably, and drop-kicked Saotome Genma back where he belonged. "Ssss!"
"Help!" Inui yelled, still apparently drowning. "HELP!"
"Oh, shut up, sempai," Kaidoh muttered.
***
Comments of the Peanut Gallery
Sister- Time to go to your clarinet lesson.
Starbrigid- Okay! -skips off-
Peggy Panda- You're corrupting my innocence, Mommy.
Yahiko-bear- Feed me.
Starbrigid- Gone.
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Inui break Kaidoh's heart? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaa.
Starbrigid- Gone, be back soon...
***
Episode Four- The Kiss Version Two- In Which Everyone is Sort Of In Character, But it Makes Little Difference
"Shut up," Kaidoh said, and kissed him. At the time, Kaidoh didn't know why he'd done it, only that he was angry, and confused, and he wanted to.
He'd never kissed anyone before. His mouth met Inui-sempai's almost hesitantly, made its way inside, and it was strange, unbalanced, and Kaidoh stumbled, too, fell into Inui.
Inui-sempai was wet, warm but surprisingly cold, too. He felt his mind dropping away,
failing him as his hands limply pulled onto blue Seigaku jersey, strange new taste like the slickness of honey, like a melting ice cube, and soft.
It was like a shock to his body, strange, completely new feeling traveling up his spine, to his brain, plaintive, confused, aching, the pleasure of everything he didn't and shouldn't know. His muscles snapped, inverting, and he stumbled back, awkward, so little balance today, the oxygen pouring in and out of his lungs like wildfire, escaping him.
He could feel his face filling with heat, red like a fire hydrant smashed open, spewing water open onto the path he jogged along each day. He hastily pulled back, completely speechless. Inui didn't say anything.
Then an unmistakable voice yelled, "What the hell?"
A different voice cried, "Momo, you jerk! Get off my foot!" There was a sudden outbreak of yelling, then the entirety of Seigaku's regulars, Kikumaru, Oishi, Fuji, Echizen, Kawamura, Momoshiro too, even Tezuka, tumbled out of a nearby bush.
"Inui and Kaidoh?"
"Who would have thought?"
"Hey, they're blushing!"
"Who knew Kaidoh was gay?"
"Inui and Kaidoh?"
"This is interesting..."
"Sweet..."
"Yuck! My eyes, my eyes!"
"MAMUSHI?"
Kaidoh just stared at all of them in disbelief. "W-what?"
"Yaru jan, Kaidoh-sempai," Echizen said, breaking the sudden silence and giving his sempai a cocky salute with his cap.
"T-Tezuka?" Inui stared. "Even you... and Kaidoh, you..." He reached up, felt his lips, at a loss for words or thoughts.
"Congratulations, you two!" Oishi cried. "I... I hope you're happy!"
"Does this mean Inui will stop making yucky juices?" Kikumaru asked. "And, CUTE!"
"Here, Taka-san," Fuji said quietly, handing a speechless Taka a racket.
"OH YEAH! BURNING! HEAT OF YOUTH LOVE! KAWAMURA TAKASHI-SAMA HEARTILY APPROVES, EVEN THOUGH IT IS INUI AND KAIDOH, AND ORE-SAMA HAD NO IDEA, AND IT'S RATHER GROSS! SO, HEAT! DON'T STOP!"
"Hey, Inui-sempai, since you got the stinky Mamushi, can I have my spot back?" Momo said hopefully. "Hey, Mamushi, looks like you go for psychos, huh?"
"Teme..."
"Don't let this interfere with your club activities," said Tezuka. "Let's go," he finished, and walked off. The rest of the regulars regretfully followed.
"What did-" Inui stared at Fuji.
"I think everyone, even Kikumaru, saw something a bit different about you before this," Fuji said, smiling sweetly. "You deserve each other."
The two of them stared at each other, bright red and completely confused. Then a slow smile spread over Inui's face. "What was that, Kaidoh?"
Kaidoh hissed, looked down, his softer, more vulnerable side showing, turned inside out. "I... I like you, Inui-sempai."
Inui opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Oishi jogged back to them, Kikumaru danging off his back. "Inui! Kaidoh! I forgot!" Oishi huffed, then turned up to them earnestly, Kikumaru smiling and nuzzling Oishi's back. Oishi stumbled a bit under his partner's weight, then retrieved an object from his pocket. It was... oh, God.
"Don't forget to be safe!" Oishi said earnestly, and handed it to Inui.
"Nya, Oishi, WE never-"
"EIJI!"
***
Episode Five- In Which Inui's Heart is Tragically Broken and Tezuka is Rather Strange
Tezuka stood in Inui's path, apparently having been waiting for him. "Inui? I have something I need to discuss with you," he said.
Inui nodded. "Shall we go to the clubhouse, then?"
Tezuka nodded back, and they proceeded to the clubhouse, Inui scribbling in his notebook the whole way. Finally they reached it. Tezuka closed the door carefully behind him. Inui's mind squealed, Gonna get lucky!
Tezuka sat down on the bench. "Now what I have to say cannot be said easily, I'm afraid," Tezuka said gravely.
"Yes?" Inui frowned.
"Get over it, Inui."
"Huh?" Inui blinked, completely surprised.
"Inui, I know about your obsession with me. I thought you'd get over it, but it's only getting worse, and so it has to stop."
"Tezuka..." Inui stared.
Tezuka's eyes were like ice. "Do you understand, Inui? Stop staring at me, stop following me, stop calling me, stop spying on me."
Inui looked down. "Hai, Buchou. But- why? Is there someone else?"
"Yes, actually," said Tezuka.
"Who?" Inui said shakily, heart feeling as if it had been sliced in half.
"Ryuuzaki-sensei."
***
Sister- Uh, moto? Time to come down and help get ready for your party.
Starbrigid- Working on it! :-)
Peggy Panda- -very glad she doesn't know anything about TeniPuri-
Yahiko-bear- Yay, pure love!
Starbrigid- ...Oh my GOD.
Logan the Insanely Huge Blue Rabbit- I liked it!
Reki-bee- Bzzz! Why did Tezuka break Inui's heart? SO SAD! -sorrowful- BZZZZZ!
Sandra Sheep- Baaaaaaaaa.
Starbrigid- These are getting steadily more cracked, despite the new serious writing style, I swear...
Starbrigid -much later- - Okay! -clears throat- Just cause I got distracted re-watching Trigun does NOT mean I'm not going to finish this in a blaze of glory!
***
Episode Six- In Which the Epic Omake Saga Ends, The POV is Changed to First Person Echizen, There is Fluff and Angst, and Things Get Distressingly Serious- Not Even Actually Omake Anymore! A.K.A. The Cleverly Disguised Epilogue
Author's Note- If you've seen the serious episode of Excel Saga, picture a voice yelling "the gags! the gags! NOOOOOOO!"
Watching you
This is the stupidest thing ever.
I make my mind up and push myself to my feet. It's easy, my father taught me to jump to my feet with no hands when I was little and I still can. I just don't like to. That's Kikumaru's department anyway.
I have to hurry, because I'm on the roof, and you're all the way down there, and it's a long way down. You look like you're about to leave, rubbing your head sheepishly, like you're embarrassed. You should wait for me, Momo-sempai. I don't know why I'm doing this.
I could call down to you, but I won't. That's not something I could do. So I run down the stairs, and it's not as bad as it would be to someone like Horio, because I'm strong with things like that. So the stairs are speeding past me, and I don't know when I started going this fast, and I feel like I might cry, even though I feel just as cocky as ever, smirking.
I try to count the floors but then decide it's not important. I reach the ground floor, I know because it's the end of the stairs, sunlight and green grass showing through the little window on the door. I push the door open, and it's a bit heavier than I expected, and the stop a bit higher up from the ground than I expected, so I stumble as I come out, and Momo-sempai hears me.
I give him my you-suck look, which he's always seemed completely immune to anyway. "Hey, Momo-sempai."
"Echizen?" Momo frowns, stopping in midstep.
"Wait, sempai," I say authoritatively, strolling up to where he stands, staring at me. I'm about to say something, but then my voice catches in my throat. My brow furrows. What's wrong with me?
What can I say to someone like sempai? I don't know what to say to that idiot.
"Come back to practice," I finally say, and I'm ordering him, like I have every right in the world to, and I do. I'd like to own sempai, like I'd like to own the rest of the world, so I could make him do things like coming back, so he'd stay himself like that. It's not like I like him, it's that I'm used to him, like he's used to me.
Then Momo-sempai does something, he makes himself real short, and pulls down an imaginary cap, and speaks in a voice like mine, and he's imitating me. "Yadda." Don't wanna.
I lean forward and kick him in the shin. He yelps. "Echizen! You little-"
I know I'm charismatic. I don't particularly want it, but I have power over the world around me more than anyone else, to shape people and events the way I want if I just try. That's why I'm so good at tennis, that I try. And this is important, taisetsu, precious, Japanese is still weird after speaking English, though I'd never let anyone see that, and I wanna cry.
I smile. "I need my doubles partner back, Momo-sempai."
Momo-sempai stares at me like he's never seen me before, like he's thinking real hard. Hope he doesn't hurt himself is my automatic thought, but I don't particularly like it. I'm feeling strange, like when I hug Karupin, or I bite down on a double cheeseburger after practice, or when I score a point on Tezuka-buchou or Fuji-sempai, or when Momo-sempai used to whine and beg me to get ice cream with him.
I think of Dad and his girl magazines for some reason, and that little girl related to Ryuuzaki-sensei who always cries and gets lost and falls over who Horio says likes me. I don't like those girls, and I don't like that girl. The only thing in this world I really like is tennis.
"Play a game with me or something," I blurt, and my frustration is showing.
Momo gapes at me really airheaded, then his eyes widen, and he looks almost really happy, for the first time since he played Inui-sempai. He smirks, and he smirks different than me, like a joke, that he's sharing with me, laughing with me about. "Did you miss me, Echizen?" he asked, and I think he might be surprised, because I'm surprised myself.
Then he's darted forward and grabbed me and's messing with my hair, which I always make just right in the morning and he always used to mess up, and he's surrounded me, draped around me like Kikumaru-sempai. They're the same in a lot of ways, only they're completely different, I think. "You're so cute, kid," he laughs into my ear, nice-mocking, and I frown.
"That hurts," I say, keeping my voice disgruntled and detached. But something feels kind of warm.
This is the stupidest thing ever. But how could it not be since it's about you, Momo-sempai?
"I-" I wince, sort of looking down, only I'm with Momo-sempai, so my head goes into his shoulder, and it's big, and his jacket's soft and warm, a different kind of warm than the heat pouring down, the heat that I'd forgotten in all these other thoughts. My head's thinking of scores, 15-love, 30-love, 40-love, game. I'm sweating, and sempai is, too, and he smells like that, and tennis courts, which have their own distinctive smell that I'm in love with.
"I wish you were still a regular instead of Inui-sempai."
"Echizen?" Momo-sempai sounds almost concerned, now, and that's wrong, and I think he might be a little more like he is usually now.
So I'm me, too, and I step back, and it's the you-suck look again, and the I-rule, and what are we both doing wasting time in a place like this, anyway?
"Play a game with me, Momo-sempai. I'll kick your ass."