Hot Virgins!
We interrupt this LJ silence to bring you this important message regarding frickin' airplanes.
Virgin, that company with the saucy name and red logo that's all over the travel, phone, entertainment, and investment industries, so much that I can even search for "virgin" on Google and not have a single porn site listed in the top thirty, wants to bring their classy planes to the US.
And by classy, I mean tricked-out and posh and modern. In other words, completely different from the typical decades-old jalopies currently bumbling through the sky, packed full of miserable travelers ready to commit terrorism just to relieve their stress and boredom (that is, when they're not delayed at the terminal for hours due to weather, sunspots, gremlins on the wings, or bums sleeping in the cabins).
Virgin's brand spankin' new Airbus 320 is NICE. I would immediately take a vacation just to ride in it and perhaps restore my faith in air travel. It has decidedly non-80s decor and lighting, a network jack on every seat, and an in-flight entertainment system where you can get music and video and food(!) on-demand, as well as chat with and frag your fellow passengers.
So while Virgin America can't help with the inevitable hassles at the airport ("Congratulations, ma'am! Based on your glum expression and hideous attempt to breach federal security by bringing 3.01 ounces of deodorant on this flight, you've been selected for the full body-cavity search! Please remove your clothing and step into this glass box where an apathetic minimum-wage TSA official will humiliate and delouse you on pay-per-view television. And remember, no pouting, or we'll send you to Guantanamo! Now then, off you go! Chop chop!"), they can give you a plane worth flying on.
BUT.
The U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) tentatively rejected Virgin America’s airline application, based on some FAA regulation that 75% of an airline's voting equity must be held by U.S. citizens. (article)
Equity, schmequity. Martians can run the company for all I care, just as long as they have some sweet-ass flying saucers with tons of leg room. But unless Virgin does some creative lawyering, I fear I may never get to type "a/s/l lol!!!!!1" to the guy in 23C on my domestic flights. And those flying Ford Tempos that we've all come to dread will continue to putt around the sky until such time when the wings fall off and they're all grounded awaiting billions of dollars in government subsidies to wrap the fuselages with duct tape and bubble wrap and research slingshots to fire them from here to Kalamazoo, rather than open the doors to the vestal Virgins flaunting their free-market goods through the windows. 'Cause god forbid those heathen Europeans come in and sell a better product (possibly for less money) and put our boys, our good honest Americans, out of business, right? Right???
I can imagine those poor goats now, bleating piteously with their little hooves scrabbling on the runway as they strain against the elastic, only to ultimately be sent to the dog food factory anyway when they're found munching holes in the planes.
Virgin has a short video showing off their pimped-out rides. Video and more commentary here:
http://newteevee.com/2007/01/17/virgin-video/
And Virgin's site, where you can email your congresspeople a handy prewritten letter supporting Virgin America:
http://letvafly.com/
So please, think of the goats. Do it for the kids.
Virgin, that company with the saucy name and red logo that's all over the travel, phone, entertainment, and investment industries, so much that I can even search for "virgin" on Google and not have a single porn site listed in the top thirty, wants to bring their classy planes to the US.
And by classy, I mean tricked-out and posh and modern. In other words, completely different from the typical decades-old jalopies currently bumbling through the sky, packed full of miserable travelers ready to commit terrorism just to relieve their stress and boredom (that is, when they're not delayed at the terminal for hours due to weather, sunspots, gremlins on the wings, or bums sleeping in the cabins).
Virgin's brand spankin' new Airbus 320 is NICE. I would immediately take a vacation just to ride in it and perhaps restore my faith in air travel. It has decidedly non-80s decor and lighting, a network jack on every seat, and an in-flight entertainment system where you can get music and video and food(!) on-demand, as well as chat with and frag your fellow passengers.
So while Virgin America can't help with the inevitable hassles at the airport ("Congratulations, ma'am! Based on your glum expression and hideous attempt to breach federal security by bringing 3.01 ounces of deodorant on this flight, you've been selected for the full body-cavity search! Please remove your clothing and step into this glass box where an apathetic minimum-wage TSA official will humiliate and delouse you on pay-per-view television. And remember, no pouting, or we'll send you to Guantanamo! Now then, off you go! Chop chop!"), they can give you a plane worth flying on.
BUT.
The U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) tentatively rejected Virgin America’s airline application, based on some FAA regulation that 75% of an airline's voting equity must be held by U.S. citizens. (article)
Equity, schmequity. Martians can run the company for all I care, just as long as they have some sweet-ass flying saucers with tons of leg room. But unless Virgin does some creative lawyering, I fear I may never get to type "a/s/l lol!!!!!1" to the guy in 23C on my domestic flights. And those flying Ford Tempos that we've all come to dread will continue to putt around the sky until such time when the wings fall off and they're all grounded awaiting billions of dollars in government subsidies to wrap the fuselages with duct tape and bubble wrap and research slingshots to fire them from here to Kalamazoo, rather than open the doors to the vestal Virgins flaunting their free-market goods through the windows. 'Cause god forbid those heathen Europeans come in and sell a better product (possibly for less money) and put our boys, our good honest Americans, out of business, right? Right???
I can imagine those poor goats now, bleating piteously with their little hooves scrabbling on the runway as they strain against the elastic, only to ultimately be sent to the dog food factory anyway when they're found munching holes in the planes.
Virgin has a short video showing off their pimped-out rides. Video and more commentary here:
http://newteevee.com/2007/01/17/virgin-video/
And Virgin's site, where you can email your congresspeople a handy prewritten letter supporting Virgin America:
http://letvafly.com/
So please, think of the goats. Do it for the kids.