(no subject)
life has been chaos. A hundred-mile-an-hour-whirlwind of things coming at me. Some of it good, some of it bad and some of it just was. Its not over yet there are still obstacles to overcome and things to do and work out and people and places to see and meet and explore.
I am moving at the end of the month. This will be interesting. It holds a lot of anxiety and excitement for me. Moving on to a new place and adventure. Trying my hand at co-habitating again, even if only temporarily. That may be very stressful or it may be wonderful. Figuring out and settling in to a new place will be a challenge. Especially one that doesn't have room for all of my stuff. Tiber and Kazi adjusting to a new lifestyle will be a challenge as well. The anxiety of the act of moving itself is overwhelming but bearable all at the same time.
Things with new people in my life are going well, everything seems to iron itself out and nothing about it seems too daunting right now. I'm happy and I smile and I focus on the bright side of things. Sometimes that is a challenge, it probably always will be for me. I hope I can continue to conquer it. The butterflies are still there and the heart-smile.
I'm being the person that I used to be and remember being and now that I'm in that space again I wonder how I ever got off the path and where I turned in to that cold, withdrawn me that I've been for far too long it seems. I'm reaching out and trying to help good people who may not be my best friend but they mean something to someone I care a great deal about and my loyalties as a friend extend to friends of those I care about and that's how it should be.
I get to spend my weekends with two amazing little girls who have the world at their fingertips and a solid ground of support at their feet. I can't begin to say how excited I am that I get this privilege while extending my hand as a favor to a friend I hardly know.
I would say also that friendships with people I have been through hell with have also improved with my overall mood.
Some people in my life have been acting in a very disappointing and upsetting way as of late, their character has revealed them as much different than I had thought. This part makes me sad and concerned for them and just in general.
I still wish only good befall any and all of them.
I find myself missing someone from my past who seems to float back into my thoughts at the most unexpected times.
I am learning and growing emotionally and mentally in my current situation, each day seems to present me with a new epiphany or revelation. I feel like my path is right, I am where I should be and I can't fathom where tomorrow might take me.
Work has been up and down, stressful and inconsistent. I hope it improves, if it doesn't I will trudge on through the muck and the mud and rise in spite of it all. Hopefully there are friends to help me along the way, if not it will be a much tougher battle to face by my lonesome.
My life is on another one of those cusps of change where everything seems to just explode and fall to millions of tiny specs of dust drifting in the breeze. These sorts of times always seem to propel me forward into something I should be moving toward so I welcome the instability and uncertainty, but, it seems, with a reluctant heart and mind that want to resist at every step for fear of change. Fear is a monster that has always ridden on my back, white-knuckles holding tight to the shore before the plunge into that deep dark cool water of change. Even typing about it makes my heart race and beat up into my throat, my mind frantic with thoughts, possibilities, fears, worries, hopes and options, my hands shaky and my body tense. But one thing constant is change....it is something I must face over and over again and will teach myself to welcome.
Anyways, I'm ramble-y and tired and in an unfamiliar place. There is nothing I want more than a sense of calm. calm quiet, no harassing messages, no frustration, no fear or anxiety...just calm...calm and happy. That is what I'm working toward and the choices I make are to move me toward that. Some of these choices may leave others wishing and unfortunately some of them may leave others hurt. Nothing is personal and every one of us is striving to do the best we can in life and do right by it. We don't go into it thinking we will hurt someone or make anyone else struggle on their journey, but those interactions and the ones leaving us on the receiving end of that stick are all just part of the quest right? be well and take care...everyone. Peace.
I am moving at the end of the month. This will be interesting. It holds a lot of anxiety and excitement for me. Moving on to a new place and adventure. Trying my hand at co-habitating again, even if only temporarily. That may be very stressful or it may be wonderful. Figuring out and settling in to a new place will be a challenge. Especially one that doesn't have room for all of my stuff. Tiber and Kazi adjusting to a new lifestyle will be a challenge as well. The anxiety of the act of moving itself is overwhelming but bearable all at the same time.
Things with new people in my life are going well, everything seems to iron itself out and nothing about it seems too daunting right now. I'm happy and I smile and I focus on the bright side of things. Sometimes that is a challenge, it probably always will be for me. I hope I can continue to conquer it. The butterflies are still there and the heart-smile.
I'm being the person that I used to be and remember being and now that I'm in that space again I wonder how I ever got off the path and where I turned in to that cold, withdrawn me that I've been for far too long it seems. I'm reaching out and trying to help good people who may not be my best friend but they mean something to someone I care a great deal about and my loyalties as a friend extend to friends of those I care about and that's how it should be.
I get to spend my weekends with two amazing little girls who have the world at their fingertips and a solid ground of support at their feet. I can't begin to say how excited I am that I get this privilege while extending my hand as a favor to a friend I hardly know.
I would say also that friendships with people I have been through hell with have also improved with my overall mood.
Some people in my life have been acting in a very disappointing and upsetting way as of late, their character has revealed them as much different than I had thought. This part makes me sad and concerned for them and just in general.
I still wish only good befall any and all of them.
I find myself missing someone from my past who seems to float back into my thoughts at the most unexpected times.
I am learning and growing emotionally and mentally in my current situation, each day seems to present me with a new epiphany or revelation. I feel like my path is right, I am where I should be and I can't fathom where tomorrow might take me.
Work has been up and down, stressful and inconsistent. I hope it improves, if it doesn't I will trudge on through the muck and the mud and rise in spite of it all. Hopefully there are friends to help me along the way, if not it will be a much tougher battle to face by my lonesome.
My life is on another one of those cusps of change where everything seems to just explode and fall to millions of tiny specs of dust drifting in the breeze. These sorts of times always seem to propel me forward into something I should be moving toward so I welcome the instability and uncertainty, but, it seems, with a reluctant heart and mind that want to resist at every step for fear of change. Fear is a monster that has always ridden on my back, white-knuckles holding tight to the shore before the plunge into that deep dark cool water of change. Even typing about it makes my heart race and beat up into my throat, my mind frantic with thoughts, possibilities, fears, worries, hopes and options, my hands shaky and my body tense. But one thing constant is change....it is something I must face over and over again and will teach myself to welcome.
Anyways, I'm ramble-y and tired and in an unfamiliar place. There is nothing I want more than a sense of calm. calm quiet, no harassing messages, no frustration, no fear or anxiety...just calm...calm and happy. That is what I'm working toward and the choices I make are to move me toward that. Some of these choices may leave others wishing and unfortunately some of them may leave others hurt. Nothing is personal and every one of us is striving to do the best we can in life and do right by it. We don't go into it thinking we will hurt someone or make anyone else struggle on their journey, but those interactions and the ones leaving us on the receiving end of that stick are all just part of the quest right? be well and take care...everyone. Peace.