(no subject)
They cut me from work this morning. Coincidently they wait until I am fully showered, my legs are shaved, my hair is dry and styled, my makeup is on, I am in the car and out of my neighborhood, and my cell rings telling me that I don't have to work. Glad that I don't, but I need the money, and I also need something to keep my min off tonight, for now I have nothing better to do than to dwell.
Anyways, this is totally off subject,
but for the past 2 days I have had no makeup with me, in the process of moving it got left at a house where I wasn't. The first day it bothered me and I felt somewhat self-conscious about it, but throughout the day I was fine and I didn't notice. Yesterday I didn't care at all, and lookng in the mirror I didn't really notice a difference. This morning I got up for work and put on my makeup like I have done everyday since the 7th grade, and for some reason I wanted to scream, break the mirror, and just scrub my face with my hands until it turned red. I don't know who I am anymore, and it disgusts me that I look so similar yet so different without makeup. I wish I was like Charlene, or Kirstin, okay with who I am, and not have to wear any makeup. It isn't like I wear tons, I barely wear any, but its sick. I think it might be a security thing. The first insult I get above anything coming from anyone is usually ugly... ugly or fat, and after hearing that, you get so self conscious about leaving the house without making yourself look as best you can with the means you have available. Anyways, I think the point of my story is, I wish I was as okay with myself as I say that I am, and as I try to get other people to be with themseles. So I am going to give it a try without the whole makeup thing for a whole week and see where that gets me. End of senseless story.
So I want Charlene to call be because I would like to work out our plans for today and what time we are leaving and everything and such.
I feel like my contact with Gil is slipping more and more and more. He doesnt know who I am anymore, and I need to let that go. I need to stop trying to force things to be okay when I know they can't be, and I need to just let things go like they are going to go.
Hanson on July 20th, I already have my tickets... Charlie and I are going, and I am actually more excited than I should be, but come on, it is hanson, everygirl from 15 till probably 19 was in love with them at some point, I am just the only one who cares to admit it. Well my plans go like this, Zac and I will meet, fall head over heels in love with eachother, and get married... any questions?
thats about it.
xoxo
chels
Anyways, this is totally off subject,
but for the past 2 days I have had no makeup with me, in the process of moving it got left at a house where I wasn't. The first day it bothered me and I felt somewhat self-conscious about it, but throughout the day I was fine and I didn't notice. Yesterday I didn't care at all, and lookng in the mirror I didn't really notice a difference. This morning I got up for work and put on my makeup like I have done everyday since the 7th grade, and for some reason I wanted to scream, break the mirror, and just scrub my face with my hands until it turned red. I don't know who I am anymore, and it disgusts me that I look so similar yet so different without makeup. I wish I was like Charlene, or Kirstin, okay with who I am, and not have to wear any makeup. It isn't like I wear tons, I barely wear any, but its sick. I think it might be a security thing. The first insult I get above anything coming from anyone is usually ugly... ugly or fat, and after hearing that, you get so self conscious about leaving the house without making yourself look as best you can with the means you have available. Anyways, I think the point of my story is, I wish I was as okay with myself as I say that I am, and as I try to get other people to be with themseles. So I am going to give it a try without the whole makeup thing for a whole week and see where that gets me. End of senseless story.
So I want Charlene to call be because I would like to work out our plans for today and what time we are leaving and everything and such.
I feel like my contact with Gil is slipping more and more and more. He doesnt know who I am anymore, and I need to let that go. I need to stop trying to force things to be okay when I know they can't be, and I need to just let things go like they are going to go.
Hanson on July 20th, I already have my tickets... Charlie and I are going, and I am actually more excited than I should be, but come on, it is hanson, everygirl from 15 till probably 19 was in love with them at some point, I am just the only one who cares to admit it. Well my plans go like this, Zac and I will meet, fall head over heels in love with eachother, and get married... any questions?
thats about it.
xoxo
chels