It's never ending.
Me vs. Technology.
Me vs. World.
Me vs. Music.
Me vs. School.
Me vs. Mother.
Me vs. Fat.
Me vs. Me.
I'm officially on the Nutrisystem diet. I suppose that being on said diet will help boost my ego (lose weight, look good, yadda yadda), but I'm not too fond of the heads that a new body will turn. No thanks.
As much as people diet for superficial reasons, I've become quite obese. My metabolism is slowing way WAY down, I cannot even fast walk (oh my god) and I'm starting to waddle when I walk.
WADDLE. WHEN. I. WALK. It's like I'm pregnant.
Not to mention, the fatness gets me down, I start to dislike myself, I don't care about things concerning my body...
It's a never ending chain, really. I suppose I should be happy that I am fat - I am well fed, I can cushion my body from grinding bone against bone and protection from harm, warmth (yay, blubber!)...
I'm just fed up with not being able to lose weight when I try. I do try. At this point, I would usually lay blame on my mother for spoiling me while growing up.. But all I can do is blame myself.
It is my fault I ended up this way.
It is my fault that I didn't try harder.
It is my fault that I didn't take care of myself at all, and that I put most of the care on others.
What isn't my fault are: Genes; loneliness; being degraded as a human being every day; irresponsible, immoral, immature parental units (I know they're physically 40+. Why are they mentally 16 below?) that seem to think that life is all about climbing the high school social and financial structure, and the list goes on.
I'm not an active person, no. That's not my fault, either. I dislike competition in sports, which is why I stopped playing the ones that I adored (ice hockey, soccer, lacrosse, softball, tennis) to focus more on refining my intellectual capacity. I suppose that's where my laziness and procrastination skills developed. Enhancing my mind helped in the plummet of my physique.
What I mean to say, through all of this, is that I'm really trying. I'm doing the best I can, which sometimes, isn't good enough alone.
I don't want to be degraded anymore. It's annoying and a wonderfully disgusting reflection of someone's personality.
I'll be asking for help time to time. Which is a first, seeing as how I never ask for help (I'll write a whole thoughtful thing about that later) or submit to someone (that's worded funny..).
So.. keep me in your prayers, think of me, ask me how I'm doing from time to time.
It helps to distract me from my internal melancholy.
Me vs. World.
Me vs. Music.
Me vs. School.
Me vs. Mother.
Me vs. Fat.
Me vs. Me.
I'm officially on the Nutrisystem diet. I suppose that being on said diet will help boost my ego (lose weight, look good, yadda yadda), but I'm not too fond of the heads that a new body will turn. No thanks.
As much as people diet for superficial reasons, I've become quite obese. My metabolism is slowing way WAY down, I cannot even fast walk (oh my god) and I'm starting to waddle when I walk.
WADDLE. WHEN. I. WALK. It's like I'm pregnant.
Not to mention, the fatness gets me down, I start to dislike myself, I don't care about things concerning my body...
It's a never ending chain, really. I suppose I should be happy that I am fat - I am well fed, I can cushion my body from grinding bone against bone and protection from harm, warmth (yay, blubber!)...
I'm just fed up with not being able to lose weight when I try. I do try. At this point, I would usually lay blame on my mother for spoiling me while growing up.. But all I can do is blame myself.
It is my fault I ended up this way.
It is my fault that I didn't try harder.
It is my fault that I didn't take care of myself at all, and that I put most of the care on others.
What isn't my fault are: Genes; loneliness; being degraded as a human being every day; irresponsible, immoral, immature parental units (I know they're physically 40+. Why are they mentally 16 below?) that seem to think that life is all about climbing the high school social and financial structure, and the list goes on.
I'm not an active person, no. That's not my fault, either. I dislike competition in sports, which is why I stopped playing the ones that I adored (ice hockey, soccer, lacrosse, softball, tennis) to focus more on refining my intellectual capacity. I suppose that's where my laziness and procrastination skills developed. Enhancing my mind helped in the plummet of my physique.
What I mean to say, through all of this, is that I'm really trying. I'm doing the best I can, which sometimes, isn't good enough alone.
I don't want to be degraded anymore. It's annoying and a wonderfully disgusting reflection of someone's personality.
I'll be asking for help time to time. Which is a first, seeing as how I never ask for help (I'll write a whole thoughtful thing about that later) or submit to someone (that's worded funny..).
So.. keep me in your prayers, think of me, ask me how I'm doing from time to time.
It helps to distract me from my internal melancholy.