(no subject)
so i've had a lot thrown at me lately..especially last monday. that's when it all started to get really bad. the only problem is htat i'm not supposed to know...but it's gotten to the point that i didn't really care who got mad at who, i needed to tell him about it and explain how it made me feel and try to figure out what was going on. but like always i procrastinated on it cuz i was sooo scared of what he would say. so i waited, and things seemed better..well at least to me they did. so now i'm raelly confused. i still want to talk about it, but if things are going good now i dont want to bring it up and make it bad again. even tho i know i have every right to be hurt/pissed w/e, i dont want anything to end...and i know what those who know what i'm talking about will say, it's just really hard. i don't want it to end regardless..even tho i completely understand what you ares aying and talking about. i just need to grow some balls and at least talk about it. maybe there was a big misunderstanding or miscommunication of words ors oemthing, idk...look, i'm trying to be optimistic and find reasons to justify my stupididty..so bear w/me.
i'm just so sick of sitting here going over it all in my head, i know exactly what i want to say, and how to bring it up and everytihg too..it's just a matter of geting the courage to do it, i'm so scared of what the outcome will be, that i dont even want to risk it. but it needs to be talked about. so...wish me luck, and hopefully it will get done tonight.
: /