(no subject)
so i'm in school right now, and i as just thinking...
wow..my birthday is in like 5 days. how awesome?! and then my was all, well, make sure you put all your money you get in the bank, and you can save it for spring break..and i'm like, oo..good idea..then i'm all, wait, i'm not having a party, therefore i won't get any money, duh. and she's all, well, grammy and papa, and goona and g.g. adn your grandm adams...that kinda made me nervous. see..i love that she sends me stuff..most of the time, cuz i'm like, aww..good, she still remembers me or still loves me or still thinks about me or what not..but then i immediately feel like shit, cuz i'm too scared/nervous to call her and even thank her. i've done it before, and it's only caused drama, and that in turn makes my life hell..so i've learned from past experiences it's just best to try to avoid the situation at all costs.well, maybe not best, but definatly easiest. but that still doesnt change teh fact that i feel like shit about it, and even tho it's money or a present or w/e, i still dread holidays or things of the such because of the after effect. wow, i'm a horrible person. i know. i really need to end all this stuff. maybe someday soon i'll get the courage to call her and stop all this shit. idk..but just maybe i will. cuz it really is not fun. no one realizes just how horrible it all is, but it's pretty damn bad. let me tell you.
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