requiem for a dream
that title has never made more sense than it does now.
i realize that what has been will never be again. i realize now that i can no longer be a dreamer, that innocence must be lost in order to live. that now is the time to let go because its going to hurt more when its being taken away. i see now what a naive person i am, how sometimes my dreams and asperations turn into delusions.
this night will last for an eternity. im going to wipe away the makeup smears and im going to drone out the pain of absence, abandonment, and rejection with dreams of neon lights and blood flowers. bath tubs and auto wrecks.
sometimes life takes everything you've got and still demands more. my makeup was running and i could see teeth marks on my neck, i could still smell him on me...and then i thought of her and the way my pillow smells like her hair for days after she's been gone; those are the things that tell you this is real, and its going to get worse but you'll be fine, NEVER OKAY...but better than yesterday. people leave you, and they'll break your heart one thousand times in a single sitting sometimes, so you learn to savor the moment and let their scents linger because it wont be there forever, infact thats the first thing to go and after time you cant remember the glimmer in their eyes or the way their face looks when they sleep.
i wont last forever. someday you wont remember me. perhaps soon, perhaps not for some time but the day will come where you cant recall exactly what color my eyes are.
my scars keep disappearing with time, im scared one day it'll all just be a dream.
im not sure why im typing all this...i just randomly feel kind've scared. overwhelmed.
i realize that what has been will never be again. i realize now that i can no longer be a dreamer, that innocence must be lost in order to live. that now is the time to let go because its going to hurt more when its being taken away. i see now what a naive person i am, how sometimes my dreams and asperations turn into delusions.
this night will last for an eternity. im going to wipe away the makeup smears and im going to drone out the pain of absence, abandonment, and rejection with dreams of neon lights and blood flowers. bath tubs and auto wrecks.
sometimes life takes everything you've got and still demands more. my makeup was running and i could see teeth marks on my neck, i could still smell him on me...and then i thought of her and the way my pillow smells like her hair for days after she's been gone; those are the things that tell you this is real, and its going to get worse but you'll be fine, NEVER OKAY...but better than yesterday. people leave you, and they'll break your heart one thousand times in a single sitting sometimes, so you learn to savor the moment and let their scents linger because it wont be there forever, infact thats the first thing to go and after time you cant remember the glimmer in their eyes or the way their face looks when they sleep.
i wont last forever. someday you wont remember me. perhaps soon, perhaps not for some time but the day will come where you cant recall exactly what color my eyes are.
my scars keep disappearing with time, im scared one day it'll all just be a dream.
im not sure why im typing all this...i just randomly feel kind've scared. overwhelmed.