I don't fit in
Wow I try and talk to the girls on my team and I TOTALLY just get ignored. As always I'm kinda missing out on the whole clique thing. Oh well. I really wish I would have stuck to my guns and not played sports in college. I'm not enjoying my college experience I'm just in an extended grade from high school.
I have to run a mile and a half in twelve minutes in the morning. If I don't there is going to be hell to pay. I'm so frusterated with myself because I know I can do better than I am rght now... It's just so freaking hard. I mean, if I didn't have volleyball I could go to BOTH gwen stefani/Black eyed peas and nine inch nails. It's not freaking fair. I can't go to either because I'm stuck being a substitute. Weak. Oh well at least I'm getting in shape right? If I don't like it anymore by the end of the season I am NOT playing next year. No way. It's not like I'm being beat out by sophmores. Yeah, I know it's kinda sore sportsmanshipish but, it's my freaking life I'm putting on hold. If I'm not getting anything out of it..
I'm probably jumping to conclusions but it's so hard to sacrifice so much. I know.
I miss Bill sooo incredibly bad. I could never live without him. Ever. For those of you who don't know him. I mean really know him...he is the nicest guy ever. He gives so much...and he has to put up with his parents religious absolute bulshit. I'm glad my parents never treated me like that. And he's giving up so much just to be with me...I can't believe I would ever sacrifice that. And I know. Without a shadow of a doubt. I will never ever ever do anything, ANYTHING to fuck it up again. I just wanna cry when I think about it all.
I'm eating kix right now. Super yummy. I'm such a bad snacker when I don't eat but dinner tonight was absolutely FOUL. I mean...DE SGUST ING. It was a super thick alfredo sauce DROWNING shrimp and spinach ravioli filled with only god knows what. Yuck yuck yuck. I tried to force myself...but no. Couldn't.
Wow I am complaining alot. But I just feel like a pile of SHIT right now. I was on the practice side today and I couldn't even PRETEND to do good. It fucking sucked. Just to share the deep root of my upsetness. Plus the running. Again. Gargh. It'll be ok either way, right? Right.
Run. Brunch. Bill. That's hopefully what I get tommorow. It's what I'm looking forward to. Well the Bill part anyways. OK well I've said my piece and I'm off.
I have to run a mile and a half in twelve minutes in the morning. If I don't there is going to be hell to pay. I'm so frusterated with myself because I know I can do better than I am rght now... It's just so freaking hard. I mean, if I didn't have volleyball I could go to BOTH gwen stefani/Black eyed peas and nine inch nails. It's not freaking fair. I can't go to either because I'm stuck being a substitute. Weak. Oh well at least I'm getting in shape right? If I don't like it anymore by the end of the season I am NOT playing next year. No way. It's not like I'm being beat out by sophmores. Yeah, I know it's kinda sore sportsmanshipish but, it's my freaking life I'm putting on hold. If I'm not getting anything out of it..
I'm probably jumping to conclusions but it's so hard to sacrifice so much. I know.
I miss Bill sooo incredibly bad. I could never live without him. Ever. For those of you who don't know him. I mean really know him...he is the nicest guy ever. He gives so much...and he has to put up with his parents religious absolute bulshit. I'm glad my parents never treated me like that. And he's giving up so much just to be with me...I can't believe I would ever sacrifice that. And I know. Without a shadow of a doubt. I will never ever ever do anything, ANYTHING to fuck it up again. I just wanna cry when I think about it all.
I'm eating kix right now. Super yummy. I'm such a bad snacker when I don't eat but dinner tonight was absolutely FOUL. I mean...DE SGUST ING. It was a super thick alfredo sauce DROWNING shrimp and spinach ravioli filled with only god knows what. Yuck yuck yuck. I tried to force myself...but no. Couldn't.
Wow I am complaining alot. But I just feel like a pile of SHIT right now. I was on the practice side today and I couldn't even PRETEND to do good. It fucking sucked. Just to share the deep root of my upsetness. Plus the running. Again. Gargh. It'll be ok either way, right? Right.
Run. Brunch. Bill. That's hopefully what I get tommorow. It's what I'm looking forward to. Well the Bill part anyways. OK well I've said my piece and I'm off.