Push you up against the wall
...I don't know what to think.
I wasn't prepared for this. You'd think, after everything i'd been through - everything i've practically been reared on, I would have been. But I wasn't, and i'm not and every time I think about it I just want to be sick.
I want to crawl in to a very small hole and hide until it all goes away. Skylar thinks it's a joke. He doesn't think it can possibly be real...
...but I think that it is. That Sneevely is a fucking freak. I'm not accustomed to being scared of people. I wasn't aware that I was scared of anything, really except being alone - I certainly didn't think I was afraid of people like him. I didn't think I was scared of he-who-must-not-be-named, either. I guess because it was an abstract concept. Even taking in to account my fathers death, it still...I don't know.
I didn't see it. I wasn't there. It was alien to me, and removed from reality and it didn't bother me. It didn't seem real. It didn't seem like something I would become entangled in, and even if I did...
I didn't think i'd care.
But I do. I do care. And i'm terrified.
Called to Dumbledore's office the other night.
I was surprisingly apprehensive. Alright, I know i've done nothing wrong. I haven't. You can't fucking implicate me it wasn't my doing - but nonetheless, given the crap Nott and Colby more than likely spouted to him (and my 'history') I was quite prepared for him to believe them implicitly and drag out a pretty severe punishment.
To be honest, I was expecting suspension. Maybe even expulsion. I mean, if Colby got her mental mudblood mummy (ooh, alliteration!) on to dear old Dumbles, he'd have to do something about me, right? Or so I thought...
Halfway through our meeting Sneevely strides in, and turfs me out, saying he has to 'have a word with the professor'.
And on my way out, he winks at me.
...and I haven't heard anything from Dumbledore since.
...I fucking don't know what to make of that.
I'm lonely tonight. Draco's gone off with Tale because...I don't know. Because I suck, and i'm a shit person, and i'm not good enough for him, and I wouldn't put out, and for once I actually told him what I thought instead of just keeping quiet and hoping for the best.
That's the last time I do that.
He's probably fucking her right now. Oh God. Fuck. Well, fine. Do what you like, Draco. I don't care. If you think that'll make you happy, go for it. I only ever wanted you to be happy, you know.
Supposedly I 'betrayed his trust' by sleeping with Sky even though we were fucking not together at the time, asshole, and 'everythings changed' since I slept with Sky, and he doesn't know why he's with me now.
...sometimes I wonder if the cycle of bullshit will ever end.
I guess not. I guess that's why it's called a 'cycle'.
Wow, i'm so blonde it hurts.
I'm in a shit mood. Placate me by
Diamond 'Art Deco' Bracelet
...although this one is nicer...
Buy this for me and i'll give you free sexual favours. Promise.
About eight of these, sil vous plait.
I rather like this - pink or blue, which do you think would suit?
And last but not least, theres this...
Make it happen, and i'll make it worth your while, darlings.
I guess when all else fails, at least a girl can shop.