rough wouldnt be the right word to describe it.
a week ago... just a week ago i was laying in bed till 4AM on the phone with you after a great day, talking about everything under the moon.
now? i lay in bed clutching your only gift to me. your junior, a stuffed animal you personally designed for me. letting my tears run down my face unaware of the future. will i ever get to see you again? i want to hold your hand. i want you to hold me the way you did that first day. i want feel your nervousness in grasping my hand, and for you to feel my comfort -- in squeezing it and reassuring you of my feelings. or the eye contact when we would just stare at eachother at random moments, speaking in silence. understanding one another.
but the worst part is not knowing of whats going to happen, not being able to do anything about it it. the feel of your soft lips against my cheek. the brand new, innocent kind of love. and BARELY having memories of you. i'm surrounded by people with memories of you, and cant help but to be filled with envy. they got to spend time with a great person. theres so much love for you angel, i barely know you but even i have love for you, love that i never even knew existed for me anymore. i said it before and i'll say it again -- you are THE most beautiful soul. i cant even explain it.
i cried that night. i didnt bawl cause it hadnt hit, but trust me. it hurt physically. i got this tightening in my throat. i didnt sleep. i threw up. when i saw you up there yesterday, as soon as you emerged, the tears began to flow. my nose turned bright cherry red and my lips began to quiver. thats when it hit. i havent cried like that in such a long time. when my lips shiver, its a different kind of pain. its something i cant stop and consumes me. they all tried to console me but we both share the same mentality. we're both so stubborn, i pushed them away. i felt bad, but i just couldnt take it. i want to forget about everything, almost about you. but i'd never come up with the courage. ride or die. leave you? thats not even an option.
now everything just haunts me. it hurts so much but i'm searching for the courage to deal with it. we know how much you're hurting. we saw as you covered your face & tilted your head back. tissue covering your face. let your head hang down, back and forth. your stare at me, watching me cry made it worse. i wouldnt want you to see me cry. with a maximum of twenty, only god knows what number the judge feels would be appropriate. nobody knows all the details of the case and whats going on, but none of that matters because regardless, you will always have our love. and i will always be here for you to fall back on. we are. we're all a family. i know you know i'm here. and i'm not going anywhere.
__muneca, twinz_wifey & norberto: you are my sanity.
FOREVER DEDICATED. angel & roberto.