Hello again!!
Hey everyone =] I just openned a new chapter in my life and i'm completely starting over and reevaluating everything. So i finally decided to start this thing back up. I miss having something to vent, share, and remember the things in my life with. Plus time i decided to add only the few of you because you're most likely the only ones who really care anyway, and you're the only ones who's journals i ever read so feel special.
This entry is going to be a bit lengthy because i'm going to take the time to let you guys know what's been going on lately and such with me but i'll put it under a cut so that it doesn't crowd your friends pages.
Life in general. These past few months have by far been the worst of my life, as my depression has been worse than ever. I constantly cry or feel down even with lack of reason and nothing seems to be able to make it stop. But lately i've been feeling somewhat better and i'm trying to hang onto that and block the negativity and pessism out and just move onto better things with life. In a sense, i hate who i am but in retrospect i'm proud of what i've done and accomplished and the particular good aspects of myself. There's nothing that's really sparked it either except for certain unfortunate events that send me spiraling down until i eventually shatter. Then comes the process of placing all the pieces back together and standing once more.
My love life? Well, happily i can say that Ryan and I are still together. It has been 3 years and 10 months for us, 1 month and a few days more until the be 4 year mark. And I’m happy. He's about the only thing that makes me happy much anymore, however i feel horrible for the way i treat him at time because of everything in my life. He has his moments were i would like him to do nothing more than go away, but without him i'm be so much worse off then when we're together. I Love Him, i truly do and i discovered recently, how much i truly do. He just got his license and a car so it's already making things quite easier, but difficult all the same. From some previous issues about 9 months, trust is still somewhat of a problem but i'm learning to cope and he's gaining that trust back, slowly but strongly. We get stronger everyday, and he's the one sure thing that i have in my life. He's my rock, and my light through the storm and i know i'll be okay as long as he's still here.
School is going great. The first report card held 6 A's and 1 B, and the second was 5 A's and 2 B's. So i'm doing extremely well granted 4 AP courses and 3 honors courses in my Senior Year. I'm also happy to say that i've been accepted to Virginia Commonwealth, PennState, University of Maryland, Villa Julie, Towson, and Salisbury. But i'm happy, and if anything as of the moment i'll be entering either VCU or Villa Julie in the fall (which is somewhat good but not great) as a Biology major, and after that, Medical School. I finally came to the conclusion that i believe i want to be an orthopedic or cardiologist either or i want to work in a trauma center. So wish me luck. My other plan is marine biology or zoology both of which I love.
Work. Yes, that's right, i now have a job. I'm working at PetSmart as a cashier, and i can honestly say I love my job. It gets me one step closer to my car (07 Cobalt LS) and to freedom. I’ve been there for 2 months now.
Music. In regards to music at this point in my life, i'm extremely glad that it's almost over. I've been stretched to my limits and pushed to far. My lessons teacher who i've had since 4th grade has essentially given up on me and casted me off beings that i am not going to be a music major, nor have never accomodated the thought. And McCracken, bi-polar. My latest feat was at Solo and Ensemble festival this past Saturday. McCracken set me up with John Mehrings mom on Friday, however due to work, i was unable to make arrangements to rehearse with her. My lessons teacher also volunteered to play yet backed out at the last minute. So i went on Saturday, and i go to Ms. Mehring and say "hi, i'm aubrey" where she proceeds to look at me and say "sorry sweetie, we didn't practice, i can't do it for you, i can't do it cold" and then enter directly back into another conversation. At this point i'm crying hysterically, because i just had my piece changed by my lessons teacher 2 weeks before the festival and i've only played it a handful of times. This piece being Grade 5- Sonate IV by Bach. So i stand outside of my room where by the grace of God, a chorus teacher from my middle school Ms. Matichiatus sees me and goes what's wrong. I explain my situation, and she says on the spot 5 minutes before i am to play, i'll do it for you. I go in the room, and receive a 1 rating on it. Nevertheless, i am now headed for my 6th year to states. To make that story short, i was set up to fail, and again accomplished my goal alone. Let's just say McCracken, was not happy after she heard the wonderful news. My last concert is on Friday, and I can not say that I am not thrilled for this crap to finally be over, and the removal of band stress will feel liberating.
So life is getting better, and i'm getting happier. i'm finding myself more and more each day and hopefully that continues. i'll update pretty much whenever i get a moment to breathe, but there will be more than just this. i promise. although i always say that, but this time... I'm serious.