I love you, and I always will
There are so many things that I need to get off my chest but where to start. I don't even feel like talking about them, it hurts too much to even think about some of them, I'm really confused and I need to work all this shit out. I feel empty at the moment, I think its because I have soooo much going through my mind. Like what I'm going to do with Paul, family, friendships, relationships, work, school, and last but not even close to be least me. I know that I need to talk about it but I don't know really how to. I just want to start with the first thing that comes into mind but thats everything.
The thing that I'm most worried about right now is Paul. We found to that he has cancer.... Theres really not much to say about all of it. I'm going to be there when he/my mom needs me and even if they don't. Last night Brittany, my mom, and I went out to dinner. We started talking about a lot of things about the family and I think that was a good thing, there was a lot of things that were said that needed to be said and I'm glad that we got it all out. We started talking about Paul and whats going to happen and how everything is. My mom said to me that I'm the only one of the kids and most of the family that actually talk about the whole cancer thing with him. I would like to know whats going on with my dad and I expect that he would know more then anyone. Right now I'm really not facing reality about this subject (well any of my problems) and I don't think that I want to be. I know that I'm going to be going through a lot more then any of the other children. I'm the one who is living with it (besides Mindie). I'm happy that they found it now instead of later. I really can't lose him, Paul might me my step dad but he is more of my dad then my ass hole father, and I believe that he always will be. I love him and I always will. I'm grateful that him and my mom got married, and I'm also grateful that he came into my life and held my hand when I needed him to, I will be there to hold his hand as he was with me.
So I'm about ready to cry and brake down, but I'm not going to. This is just another part of my life that I would rather not go through but I am, I will be going through this for a long time, I would rather not like I said before but TOUGH SHIT I'm going to.
I'm grateful for my friends and family. What would I do with out them some times, I really don't know. I think that I take a lot of things for granted that I shouldn't, but I do and so do everybody else. Everybody does, everybody takes something for granted, you can't say that you don't.
The thing that I'm most worried about right now is Paul. We found to that he has cancer.... Theres really not much to say about all of it. I'm going to be there when he/my mom needs me and even if they don't. Last night Brittany, my mom, and I went out to dinner. We started talking about a lot of things about the family and I think that was a good thing, there was a lot of things that were said that needed to be said and I'm glad that we got it all out. We started talking about Paul and whats going to happen and how everything is. My mom said to me that I'm the only one of the kids and most of the family that actually talk about the whole cancer thing with him. I would like to know whats going on with my dad and I expect that he would know more then anyone. Right now I'm really not facing reality about this subject (well any of my problems) and I don't think that I want to be. I know that I'm going to be going through a lot more then any of the other children. I'm the one who is living with it (besides Mindie). I'm happy that they found it now instead of later. I really can't lose him, Paul might me my step dad but he is more of my dad then my ass hole father, and I believe that he always will be. I love him and I always will. I'm grateful that him and my mom got married, and I'm also grateful that he came into my life and held my hand when I needed him to, I will be there to hold his hand as he was with me.
So I'm about ready to cry and brake down, but I'm not going to. This is just another part of my life that I would rather not go through but I am, I will be going through this for a long time, I would rather not like I said before but TOUGH SHIT I'm going to.
I'm grateful for my friends and family. What would I do with out them some times, I really don't know. I think that I take a lot of things for granted that I shouldn't, but I do and so do everybody else. Everybody does, everybody takes something for granted, you can't say that you don't.