028 Choking
028. Choking
Title: Eeteuk & Leadership
Characters: Eeteuk & Ryeowook (But this fic is mostly Eeteuk based, Ryeowook only has a minor role)
Rating: General
Word Count: 630 words
Description: Being the leader of Super Junior doesn't turn out the way Eeteuk imagined.
Notes: I wrote this based on my personal experience - i blogged a similar entry quite recently in my other journal. In fact, i was feeling downright crappy and needed something to let loose on. So yeah, i'm not sure how the effect is, i'd leave you guys to decide. Do comment though, i really want to improve more (:
Eeteuk likes being acknowledged and known as the leader of Super Junior, he just doesn’t like the responsibilities that come with it.
Whenever things go wrong, the first person the managers and SM will hunt down would be Eeteuk. He hates being the one who is always held responsible for the group even though is isn’t fully his fault.
He hates having to hide, as well as avoid certain members just because he doesn’t want to address certain issues with them. The very members that he loved were starting to turn into people he hated.
He hates having to give up things that matter to him. Yes, Super Junior and singing is important, but he hates having to give up his family, his friends, his time and his rest. He feels as though while pursuing his career, he’s somehow forgotten about all these.
He can’t stand how the members sometimes throw stuff to him, disappear, and leave him to clean up their mess for them. Yes, he is their leader, but he feels that he shouldn’t be taken for granted.
He felt as though he was torturing himself, as though all his built up hate would just form a noose around his neck and choke him to death.
So why on earth did Eeteuk decide to be the leader of Super Junior?
He feels as though he’s made the biggest mistake of his life.
He had underestimated the role, as well as underestimated himself.
If he could, he would just give up the leadership role to someone like Kangin. Someone who deserved a better chance, who could be a better leader, and who wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did.
But he doesn’t have a choice, because he’s already the leader of Super Junior, and there’s no running away from it. SM would never let him.
There were points when he couldn’t take it anymore. That he wanted to give up and just call it quits. Give up as a leader, as a member of Super Junior. Leave the band, forget everything and just disappear forever.
He keeps telling himself, bear with it, as time passes by, you’ll get used to it. By the time you know it, a couple of years would have flown by and he’d be able to retire from being a singer. That thought was the only motivation that kept him going.
Sometimes Eeteuk would stare into thin air as he ponders what to write on his Cyworld. He wants to show he’s angry, that he’s unhappy, but he can’t afford to let anyone understand how he truly feels. Because of his image as a celebrity, if the public knew, if SM found out how he truly felt, he would be in huge trouble, which certainly wouldn’t do anything to improve his current situation.
Hence, all he can do is keep all that anger inside of him, take it out on his innocent stuffed toys, and just cry and let all of these out when nobody is looking.
However, despite all his anger, all his hate, Eeteuk knows that deep inside of him, there’ll always be some part that loves Super Junior, which would keep him from letting go. All he wanted right now was to go back to that time, when he was so full of all that passion and carefreeness.
That night, Eeteuk was lying on his bed, his mind full of thoughts as usual. Listening to Ryeowook practicing his lyrics, the magnae’s soft, sweet voice lulled him to sleep. And Eeteuk wished that Ryeowook would keep on singing, because he wanted to remain in an eternal slumber, with only the music to keep him company. Because it was only when you were asleep, that you could get some peace, and escape from reality.
Title: Eeteuk & Leadership
Characters: Eeteuk & Ryeowook (But this fic is mostly Eeteuk based, Ryeowook only has a minor role)
Rating: General
Word Count: 630 words
Description: Being the leader of Super Junior doesn't turn out the way Eeteuk imagined.
Notes: I wrote this based on my personal experience - i blogged a similar entry quite recently in my other journal. In fact, i was feeling downright crappy and needed something to let loose on. So yeah, i'm not sure how the effect is, i'd leave you guys to decide. Do comment though, i really want to improve more (:
Eeteuk likes being acknowledged and known as the leader of Super Junior, he just doesn’t like the responsibilities that come with it.
Whenever things go wrong, the first person the managers and SM will hunt down would be Eeteuk. He hates being the one who is always held responsible for the group even though is isn’t fully his fault.
He hates having to hide, as well as avoid certain members just because he doesn’t want to address certain issues with them. The very members that he loved were starting to turn into people he hated.
He hates having to give up things that matter to him. Yes, Super Junior and singing is important, but he hates having to give up his family, his friends, his time and his rest. He feels as though while pursuing his career, he’s somehow forgotten about all these.
He can’t stand how the members sometimes throw stuff to him, disappear, and leave him to clean up their mess for them. Yes, he is their leader, but he feels that he shouldn’t be taken for granted.
He felt as though he was torturing himself, as though all his built up hate would just form a noose around his neck and choke him to death.
So why on earth did Eeteuk decide to be the leader of Super Junior?
He feels as though he’s made the biggest mistake of his life.
He had underestimated the role, as well as underestimated himself.
If he could, he would just give up the leadership role to someone like Kangin. Someone who deserved a better chance, who could be a better leader, and who wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did.
But he doesn’t have a choice, because he’s already the leader of Super Junior, and there’s no running away from it. SM would never let him.
There were points when he couldn’t take it anymore. That he wanted to give up and just call it quits. Give up as a leader, as a member of Super Junior. Leave the band, forget everything and just disappear forever.
He keeps telling himself, bear with it, as time passes by, you’ll get used to it. By the time you know it, a couple of years would have flown by and he’d be able to retire from being a singer. That thought was the only motivation that kept him going.
Sometimes Eeteuk would stare into thin air as he ponders what to write on his Cyworld. He wants to show he’s angry, that he’s unhappy, but he can’t afford to let anyone understand how he truly feels. Because of his image as a celebrity, if the public knew, if SM found out how he truly felt, he would be in huge trouble, which certainly wouldn’t do anything to improve his current situation.
Hence, all he can do is keep all that anger inside of him, take it out on his innocent stuffed toys, and just cry and let all of these out when nobody is looking.
However, despite all his anger, all his hate, Eeteuk knows that deep inside of him, there’ll always be some part that loves Super Junior, which would keep him from letting go. All he wanted right now was to go back to that time, when he was so full of all that passion and carefreeness.
That night, Eeteuk was lying on his bed, his mind full of thoughts as usual. Listening to Ryeowook practicing his lyrics, the magnae’s soft, sweet voice lulled him to sleep. And Eeteuk wished that Ryeowook would keep on singing, because he wanted to remain in an eternal slumber, with only the music to keep him company. Because it was only when you were asleep, that you could get some peace, and escape from reality.