(no subject)
how did he forget my birthday? i really mean so little to him? after everything. i dont think ive EVER been this hurt. not even the summer of 05 was this bad. and that was a bad year. im not to sure what to do now, who to turn to cause in all honesty there isnt anyone. and ryan and alaina keep my mind off things and make me happy until i get home and realize at the end of the day all my harsh realities. one of my " best friends " sells drugs now.. cool. we arent friends anymore. i was being sarcastic. i hardly talk to anyone i used to. everyone is changing. i dont sing as much anymore. i dont understand. im just spinning and im literally exhausted from caring so much about people who just dont care enough about me in return. vece's anniversary will not be easy next month. and since im already a mess im just gunna be even more of a mess. i cant get that day out of my head, and i cant get these feelings for him out of my head. why? please, i just want to feel peace and i want to be able to look at him and feel okay inside. he's the only one i want to call and cry to and i just cant. cause hes too busy fucking some other girl who he doesnt know it yet, but he loves her. and she completely loves him, everyone can see it. but who am i to judge. this reminds me of what im learning about in sociology.. people just observe. these are my observations. too bad they made him hate me. i know im right though. but im so hurt. no one understands. no one can help me. as much as i try to tell myself its going to be okay, i dont know if it will. i dont know if i will truly get over what is happening to me at this moment in time. i think i need to leave, and start over. i really would just like to leave everyone. just end this chapter and never talk to eveyrone who i surround myself with, in school at gay play practice. i just want to start over. i need to be replenished and i dont need all these selfish, arrogant, taking for granted, hurtful people. i dont want them anymore. maybe i had fun for these past 4 years but im done. i want to start over. all over. i want to forget everything, and i want to fast foward my life 10 years. i want to not love and care about him anymore. i always will and he never will. i dont understand.