ok I am officially a loser...
I just spent a really inordinate amount of time reading old lj entries, and from that I realized that I need to never revel inhappiness because what I have surmized from my reading is that each time I feel completely at peace with stuff...life throws me a curve ball...although I feel like it does hit harder when the happiness you're feeling is hinging on one person...yeah it's probably not such a good thing...that's why after years of "growing up" I don't do that anymore...because...pretty much...it's dumb...sorry if you disagree...but...yeah