(no subject)

Sep 22, 2004 12:13

It seems that as each do goes by I sink more and more into depression. All I can find myself doing anymore is crying and just watching the world go by hoping for it's end. I'm sitting in a room now kind of like a closet. The only things that are in here are just left over things that no one wants, its kind of pathetic that I relate more to these things than I do anything. I really wanted to get back with Kim, I mean I still want to but she just looks so happy when I see her. I guess this is for the best, at least for her. Nothing is going for me it seems. I was supossed to me someone at the mall yesterday and I was there from a little after 3 till 630. It just seems I am meant to just walk the earth in misery. I think I am meant to be one of those people that make other people feel better about their lives you know. They look at how unhappy I am and they realize how much they shouldn't take happiness for granted. That's what I did. but I never learn my lesson. I take things for granted. I took my sister for granted, I thought she would always be there. Then one day I wake up to my mom crying and she tells me that my sister got into a car accident and past away. I took Kim for granted, I thought we would be together forever, well atleast longer than we lasted. Every morning I wake up feeling like, would anyone care if I just died? Would anybody miss me. They would for like a day maybe I think to myself. I mean look at Kim, she is so happy, everytime I see her she has a smile on her face. I can only smile for like a half hour a day now. Because even if I do smile something always reminds me of what I had with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so scared of what things could come into my life. I know things are just going to worse I am just wandering what could be worse than all of this. I must of did something so horrible in my past life for all this to rain down upon me. I can't live like this anymore. All this pain is going to bury me. Sometimes I just lay in bed hoping for something to just fall out of the sky and kill me, or maybe a bug fly into my mouth and choke me. Life isn't worth this to me. People are suspose to be happy. But I guess I'm not part of that group. My destiny is to just watch the world as my life passes me by.
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