a friendship can't be your life
It has been very strange they way I have been thinking lately. There have been times when I get close to getting all depressed about small things going on, but I stop myself and say “Lisa, why get upset? You have the Lord”. It is so nice to be close to God again. For a while there I was pretty distant. I began to 180 and FUEL and even went to the extreme of not liking the people. I looked at it all as a joke and there was nothing to gain from it. I also was constantly mad at my parents and they were upset with me. They kept on saying how I needed a change of heart. And deep within it saddened me to see myself change so much and not be the kid my parents were always happy with. I looked at myself as “cooler” then some of my other friends, just because I was doing stuff that I knew they thought was maybe out of my character, or something they wouldn’t do. I really did want a change of heart but I never felt anything. There came a point when I knew I couldn’t live like this, always being upset with my parents, and trying to satisfy myself by just being with friends. It doesn’t work. If your life is based around friendships then what happens if one friendship goes bad? It seems like your life is falling apart doesn’t it? That’s how I felt, and I would venture to say that I’m sure that’s how a lot of my friends have been feeling, but I know not for sure. The retreat this past weekend deff. Brought me back to reality. I even shared with the whole 200 people there how God showed me I needed to respect my parents A LOT more. I have realized that if my friends don’t like me because I am becoming “more spiritual” then why are they even my friends? Or how can I call them my friends? Becoming closer to God should be one of a person’s greatest accomplishments, and if my friends disagree with that, I truly do ache for their souls. I so deeply wish my friends would want a relationship with God. But with so many of them, that is not their goal that is not their desire, as it is mine. AH! I just can’t handle it. Seeing my friends so overly obsessed with these worldly things that give you happiness for the night and the next day your chasing after another thing. I do not wish to press all of my feelings on everyone, because I know that so many don’t want to hear them, I can only wish to be a good example. But being the person I strive to be is so hard. With courage and hope I pray I will soon form into who God wants me to be. I hope that all of my friendships can still remain, but a one-sided friendship doesn’t last for long.