(no subject)
ive been a bit low lately
i quit one of my jobs today because they cut my hours and i got sick of begging for shifts. so this means that once i pay bills, petrol, rent and phone bills ill roughly have about 180 bucks a week to live off. its possible but gay.
also, ughhhh i hate writing this, but i still love PJ. le sigh, we're working on this whole being friends thing.when i stay at his we sleep in different beds because ive told him i dont want to sleep with him even though its taking all of my will power not too.
i wish i didnt know him.
its was odd, we talked a lot last week, we always have but this time there was no touching or sexual innuendo.
i hate feeling like perhaps i should just sleep with him again to keep him interested.
i dont want to be with him but i dont want him to be with other girls.
he says he'd be with me in a second yet i push him away but i dont want him to fall for anyone else. yes im a contradction.
sex is a weapon isnt it. and for the longest time we stayed in a weird friends/casual sex/i love you/ more then just a regular fuck but less then a relationship limbo.
ive always kind of had the upper hand and now that i think he is really fed up with me jerking him around and telling me he loves me to no avail and im worried i might lose him.
i still want his attention though and i felt it was waning so i sent him a msg last night, seeing if he was keen for a bit of fun
no reply
no message this morning saying sorry he was too drunk or had fallen asleep and thus he didnt get back to me like he has in the past.
what the fuck
its almost like i want to be over him, i need to for my sanity, but i dont want him to get over me.
i quit one of my jobs today because they cut my hours and i got sick of begging for shifts. so this means that once i pay bills, petrol, rent and phone bills ill roughly have about 180 bucks a week to live off. its possible but gay.
also, ughhhh i hate writing this, but i still love PJ. le sigh, we're working on this whole being friends thing.when i stay at his we sleep in different beds because ive told him i dont want to sleep with him even though its taking all of my will power not too.
i wish i didnt know him.
its was odd, we talked a lot last week, we always have but this time there was no touching or sexual innuendo.
i hate feeling like perhaps i should just sleep with him again to keep him interested.
i dont want to be with him but i dont want him to be with other girls.
he says he'd be with me in a second yet i push him away but i dont want him to fall for anyone else. yes im a contradction.
sex is a weapon isnt it. and for the longest time we stayed in a weird friends/casual sex/i love you/ more then just a regular fuck but less then a relationship limbo.
ive always kind of had the upper hand and now that i think he is really fed up with me jerking him around and telling me he loves me to no avail and im worried i might lose him.
i still want his attention though and i felt it was waning so i sent him a msg last night, seeing if he was keen for a bit of fun
no reply
no message this morning saying sorry he was too drunk or had fallen asleep and thus he didnt get back to me like he has in the past.
what the fuck
its almost like i want to be over him, i need to for my sanity, but i dont want him to get over me.