Comments | stanyslava: Catch them if you can

stanyslava

Catch them if you can

Feb 13, 2008 23:30

People watching is a lot like wildlife watching - you need to sit really quietly, almost motionless - the slightest eyebrow movement may scare them away, and listen very carefully. Everybody on the road has their story, and while many of these people would want to keep these stories to themselves back home, on the road they spill out like an ( Read more... )

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vdinets February 14 2008, 17:07:39 UTC

The cheated-on boyfriend was probably upset only because he wasn't allowed to watch...

stanyslava February 14 2008, 17:15:07 UTC

also a possibility... though in this particular example (which is based on a very real person) the girl did simply run to Guatemala because she couldn't handle the shame.

vdinets February 14 2008, 17:17:45 UTC

what's to be ashamed of? that she's capable of giving pleasure to people of both sexes? big deal.

stanyslava February 14 2008, 17:21:59 UTC

well she dated the sweetest guy for these eight years, she says, and then did this horrible (if she says it's horrible, I'll let her decide..) thing to him and didn't have the guts to tell him..

vdinets February 14 2008, 17:23:51 UTC

But if he never found out, it means she didn't really do anything to him.

stanyslava February 14 2008, 17:34:05 UTC

If she felt this guilty, It would eat at her more and more till she'd tell him and have an even bigger blowout... "what the SO doesn't know, will not hurt him/her" only works if you don't care about the person, because them finding out is always a possibility.

People are selfish, no matter how in love they are. If you love a person, hurting them will hurt you. If you betray them, or even accidentally drop an anvil on their foot, it will hurt them, and then you will be hurt because they are hurting.

vdinets February 14 2008, 17:46:54 UTC

It can be a very small possibility :-)
Anyway, once you've already done it, the best thing you can do to protect your loved one is not tell, hope for the better, and forget about it yourself so that your loved one doesn't have to deal with constantly depressed and worrying you.

stanyslava February 14 2008, 18:50:46 UTC

So basically you can run over as many puppies as you want, as long as you bury them deep enough and just not think about it?

May be man and women are different like this but I wouldn't be able to keep such a thing in like that. I know, because I have enough skeletons in my closet, many of which I never wanted to recall, and revealing them to my husband made it much easier on me to live with myself. He deserves to know who he is spending his life with, and I deserve to feel in total and complete emotional comfort when I am with somebody I am planing to spend the rest of my life with.

vdinets February 14 2008, 19:01:02 UTC

That's not the same thing. You can run over as many puppies as you want, as long as your wheels pass safely on both sides of them and they don't even notice they've been driven over.
That's all very nice, but:
Let's assume you cheated on your husband and you know he would be totally devastated if you told him (well, it also means you've married an idiot, but let's not digress).
So, the choice is just that: you tell him, he is totally devastated, your life together is ruined, he shoots himself, you, your lover, or all of the above. Or, you keep it inside, and save him from all the suffering by making yourself a bit uncomfortable for a while.
I think if you love him, the choice is obvious.

stanyslava February 14 2008, 19:20:10 UTC

Oh, like wow.. sounds great! In that case I'll start my sex tour first thing tomorrow, and just in the interest of keeping my poor dear hubby in the dark for his own good, I'll bee going by my alias: Anastasia Beaverhousen

vdinets February 14 2008, 19:25:09 UTC

We are discussing the situation when you've already cheated :-)

stanyslava February 14 2008, 19:26:23 UTC

I wouldn't :) at least I hope I have it in me not to.

vdinets February 14 2008, 19:43:23 UTC

You never know until you are seriously tempted. I've never been in such situation, but I can imagine it can get really bad.

stanyslava February 14 2008, 20:22:17 UTC

I've cheated, but I didn't love the person I was cheating on so even though I felt bad about it, I didn't feel too bad, and the fact that we might break up because of my indiscretion, did not seem that horrible to me. See, selfish.

In this relationship I've been tempted, and so what? I look at him, I look at the other guy, and there is no competition there! I know whom I want.

vdinets February 14 2008, 20:27:36 UTC

In the first case, it wasn't even cheating. If you don't like someone, it's not a relationship, just recreational sex.
In the second case, it wasn't real temptation.

igorlord February 14 2008, 21:42:14 UTC

Sorry to butt in into this highly interesting discusion!

You never know until you are seriously tempted.

You are using a passive voice here as if you had nothing to do with bringing on such a hypothetical situation. "That evil woman/man/fate tempted me! :-( ".

If you really care not to cheat on your SO, you do not put yourself in "seriously tempting" situations. When a situation begings to turn "tempting", you would remove yourself from it, as gently as you can but forcefully nevertheless, before it gets "seriously tempting".

Of course, if you think that cheating is not a big deal but is just a thing-that-happens (see passive voice here, again?), then there is no need to withdraw from tempting situation -- they are usually lots of fun.

As for a spouse who gets devastated when (s)he learns of infidelity, yes, one can call him/her a fool -- a fool for marrying someone who does not value fidelity in the same way, and does not understand your values or cares enough for you.

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