SheDrivesMeWild
theres something about her. i just dont know. today i spent the afternoon/evening with her. nothing short of wonderful as always. shes nice enough to be my lab rat and eat my cooking. i dont know how but im trying. this time around was alot better than last time in my opinion. after that we got in are pj's n watched tv. i layed in my underwear because thats just something that i do. im really comfortable around her to the point i can do anything without the feeling of being judged. she makes me feel pretty. for awhile we just kinda sat there and stared at one another. a panic of thoughts ran thru my head and it was weird. i just kept thinking, what would i do without this girl in my life. im not completly dependent on her for happiness but at the same time shes the one who brought it all back. everything about her is beautiful. insides, and outsides, fingers and toes. when we talk its something great each time. it could be little or big. no matter what, its always important to me. i dont imagine i could ever care for a person more than i do for her right now. she knows the littlest things about me. the slightest touch that can make me go crazy. shes been to my deepest areas and back and kept them a secret. she does the little things. to me its all about the little things. i was thinking back to when we just started chillin. we used to talk about random shit. one day we got on the topic of feet. she started to rub my feet. no one has ever rubbed my feet before. theres a lil saying that goes along the lines of, if u find a man to rub ur feet, keep him forever.. or something like that. shes not a man, but she did rub my feet without me asking. and she still does to this day.
kinda skeptical on the L word. how can u believe its there when u know nothing but heartache? i remember when i was younger, all i wanted was to fall in love. that used to be my main focus in life. i remember the butterflies and all that good stuff and how i use to feel. every outcome of every situation would end up terrible. but i kept coming up from each blow and tried my hand again at the love thing. for awhile i kinda gave up. i never thought i would get to that point. lea made me forget my dreams. i used to be so busy tryna make her happy and do things for her that i lost that deepest part of me. the part i held onto for so long.
yolanda has brought me more happiness over the past few months that its fucking undescribable. its scary tho. im scared she'll stumble upon someone better. im scared my age will eventually get to her. im scared shes gunna leave me physically or emotionally for no reason at all. undisclosed. those are just thoughts. all i can do now is live for the moment and time. be thankful for eveything that we've shared and done with eachother. shes the only female ive shared my body with and i kinda wanna keep it that way.
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore