What the heck?
Why do I feel a need to cry even when I don't know why I am crying. Sometimes I just break into tears for no reason. It makes me so sad not to know why I'm sad. It just breaks my heart. Sometimes I think I'm too emotional, but other times I look at people and I see that I have very little emotions.
My mom put a bunch of pictures that were in a frame in my room today. They were pictures of me when I was little. She put one in my brother's room too. I looked at mine because it's been a while since I'd seen them. They had been in a cupboard for a long time. So I looked a mine briefly and then I looked at my brother's. My brother is smiling in every single one. But, in mine, I'm not smiling in half of them. I asked my mom about it, and she told me I was a serious kid. I told her that I looked grumpy. She then pointed to a different one and said, "look, you're smiling there." What the heck is wrong with me? When I was a fricking two year old I was serious and I didn't smile for pictures. It's just so weird. Life is weird though. If you really think about it. How can millions of cells have emotions, think, function? How did they come about? Where did I get my looks from? There are so many questions I could ask.
I hated the meeting I had with my counselor yesterday. I mean, I didn't even think about the future until she brought it up. I didn't want to think about it. There will be no more set plan of what I am going to do and where I am going to go every single day. I hate that. I get the distinct feeling that I won't be good enough. That I am just passing classes by luck, not by talent, but by luck. I also feel that my luck is running out and I hate that.
Becky and I couldn't stop laughing in math today. We started cracking up for no reason and we couldn't stop. It was fun. People started looking at us, and we just laughed. Amist the polynomials we laughed. We didn't care to learn how to divide a polynomial synthetically...we'd done that before...so we laughed. I was actually smiling. It felt good. I don't know what it is about math, but I always leave happy. I'm not saying that I like the class, but the people I sit by are so great. I have fun "socializing". It is so weird, seeing as I hate that class, but I love the people. So weird. So weird.
My mom put a bunch of pictures that were in a frame in my room today. They were pictures of me when I was little. She put one in my brother's room too. I looked at mine because it's been a while since I'd seen them. They had been in a cupboard for a long time. So I looked a mine briefly and then I looked at my brother's. My brother is smiling in every single one. But, in mine, I'm not smiling in half of them. I asked my mom about it, and she told me I was a serious kid. I told her that I looked grumpy. She then pointed to a different one and said, "look, you're smiling there." What the heck is wrong with me? When I was a fricking two year old I was serious and I didn't smile for pictures. It's just so weird. Life is weird though. If you really think about it. How can millions of cells have emotions, think, function? How did they come about? Where did I get my looks from? There are so many questions I could ask.
I hated the meeting I had with my counselor yesterday. I mean, I didn't even think about the future until she brought it up. I didn't want to think about it. There will be no more set plan of what I am going to do and where I am going to go every single day. I hate that. I get the distinct feeling that I won't be good enough. That I am just passing classes by luck, not by talent, but by luck. I also feel that my luck is running out and I hate that.
Becky and I couldn't stop laughing in math today. We started cracking up for no reason and we couldn't stop. It was fun. People started looking at us, and we just laughed. Amist the polynomials we laughed. We didn't care to learn how to divide a polynomial synthetically...we'd done that before...so we laughed. I was actually smiling. It felt good. I don't know what it is about math, but I always leave happy. I'm not saying that I like the class, but the people I sit by are so great. I have fun "socializing". It is so weird, seeing as I hate that class, but I love the people. So weird. So weird.