hmmmm life's a bitch....so be a dick and shove it!!!
yeah...life is being a major bitch. my grandmother is running up my ass about being gay and my grandfather has got me scared shitless that hes monitoring my computer and if that's the case im fubar. nobody has called or talked to me since my stupid ass phone died and im lonely. since when has that ever changed. im so majorly confused...like seriously. i want to move in with my dad soooo bad but my grandparents dont want me to. ill hate them for eternity if they dont let me go....staying here would be like keeping a dog inside a room with a hundred cats. i went to youth group tonight....saw some people i havent seen in a long ass time. these people knew me when i claimed to be str8 because of my grandmother and all...well.....i saw my ex boyfriends sister and god dude. hah! that there's funny. i just opened myself up and told her about my addiction to alcohol and all that and i have never done that before. but like the rest of these people have no idea im gay and if they did, there would be a lot of people that would push for me not to go anymore...but that place is where i feel like im home and urgh this is so fucking stupid. why cant people just be born with the natural intention to do what's right. like...why cant we all be born with blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect height weight and size and everyone meets the person they are supposed to be with when they turn 18. why does love have to be so fucking complicated? sometimes i think this isnt worth fighting for, but there has always been someone beside me to support me completely and love me completely, and right now there is only one person like that and that person isnt who i want it to be. i cant believe it tho...like i used to have so many people like that around me and now only one...and shes sick and i wont see her for like a week. god i wish everything could just work out. i know things would work out given certain circumstances. its just not that easy i guess. patience is the main key here and to be honest, i dont have hardly any. what i would give for someone to hold me one night and just be there, i havent had that ever really, except once, but not in a relationship way. im rambling on and on and i guess i had better get to bed because im dead tired. to a certain person i know will read this, im sorry things didnt work. i wish you knew how much i intended them to work. i wish you knew who i could be in person. i wish i knew what you could be in person. but wishing doesnt get me very far. you know, one wish i wish i could have? make my wishes come true.