diet entry- diet day 7
I hate dieting.. I hate it even more because I'm the only one in the house on one. Everyone else is eating french fries and fried chicken!! :( no fair!
So anyway.. as of today. Day 7 of my diet I am -5 lbs. (hey, at least it's not +5)
BUT.. for some odd reason salad (that I was even craving) tastes bad to me lately. That said, I think I'll forgo the salads and move along to other "diet" foods. I'm seriously considering going back to my chicken and egg diet. I did SO well on it. I just remember how much I hated eggs and chicken at the end..but LOVED the massive weight loss. And with my weight being what it currently is both because I don't eat well and the mass doses of steroids I've been on for the ongoing major Lupus flares..something needs to be done. My body is suffering..but more than that..I'm suffering emotionally. I'm starting to have social anxiety in public (which is something only Gail and my mom know about). I get somewhere where I am presented with a think majority and I freeze. They are staring at me, talking about me, laughing. Now.. I know for the most part, they're not...but in my head..THEY ARE. Wow..admitting that was huge. And all that said.. it takes me right back to that insecure teenager that threw up after every meal because she thought she was too fat to fit in. Now.. I wasn't fat then. It was just insecurities over a scar I have 3/4 of the way across my stomach from and emergency appendectomy. BUT.. it kept me thin and I could eat what I wanted. It's tempting..but I really hate puking and often sit here and try to remember how I did it for so long.
ALL that said.. I'd rather do it the right way..so I can be proud AND healthy when it's all said and done. I think once school starts up Monday I'm going to start walking every day. I know that's stretch with my health but I really want to try. There is a local "mall" that actually has the lay out for walking and has on the wall where to start and how far you've gone.. then obviously you start over. I think that with winter coming that may be my best option. It's climate controlled and there's only one food place in there, Quizno's..which I don't really even care for. So..sounds like a plan.
So anyway.. as of today. Day 7 of my diet I am -5 lbs. (hey, at least it's not +5)
BUT.. for some odd reason salad (that I was even craving) tastes bad to me lately. That said, I think I'll forgo the salads and move along to other "diet" foods. I'm seriously considering going back to my chicken and egg diet. I did SO well on it. I just remember how much I hated eggs and chicken at the end..but LOVED the massive weight loss. And with my weight being what it currently is both because I don't eat well and the mass doses of steroids I've been on for the ongoing major Lupus flares..something needs to be done. My body is suffering..but more than that..I'm suffering emotionally. I'm starting to have social anxiety in public (which is something only Gail and my mom know about). I get somewhere where I am presented with a think majority and I freeze. They are staring at me, talking about me, laughing. Now.. I know for the most part, they're not...but in my head..THEY ARE. Wow..admitting that was huge. And all that said.. it takes me right back to that insecure teenager that threw up after every meal because she thought she was too fat to fit in. Now.. I wasn't fat then. It was just insecurities over a scar I have 3/4 of the way across my stomach from and emergency appendectomy. BUT.. it kept me thin and I could eat what I wanted. It's tempting..but I really hate puking and often sit here and try to remember how I did it for so long.
ALL that said.. I'd rather do it the right way..so I can be proud AND healthy when it's all said and done. I think once school starts up Monday I'm going to start walking every day. I know that's stretch with my health but I really want to try. There is a local "mall" that actually has the lay out for walking and has on the wall where to start and how far you've gone.. then obviously you start over. I think that with winter coming that may be my best option. It's climate controlled and there's only one food place in there, Quizno's..which I don't really even care for. So..sounds like a plan.