(no subject)
Today 10 years ago would have been amazing. Today was the kind of day in which as soon as i got home from kindergarden i would run to Dana's or Patrick's or Allie's house and we would fill up our water guns and play cops and robbers. Beacuse it was SPRING! and we would freeze our asses off, but it never mattered. i remember the first time it hit 60 degreese each spring we would have our sprinklers turned on. Our parents would fight us all the way but it never mattered, we always won. As soon as the sun hit our faces nothing mattered. God i wish i could go back to those days. I wish i could not care, not worry, and just live. like when you were 5, everything was so simple. Just to go back to that time, just for an hour, a minute, a second, just to feel that again. When we would make games up, pretending we were in highschool. Who knew it would be this fucked up? I mean, Patrick got a girl pregnant. I spent more days with him then i probally ever will with any other friend. I wish i was back in his pool playing marco-polo. Or his tree house. haha. jesus. that was great. But the harsh reality is that it will never happen again. Hopefully we will see that joy and care-free attitude in our kids, maybe then we could get that sweet taste of it, just once more. I am so sorry for everything. I am so sorry for ruining so many amazing relationships, patrick, austin, allie, ryan, rachel, bryanna, monica.. and the list goes on. god im sorry. if i could jsut got back to jsut ONE summer ago id be forever happy, maybe i could even change it. but, yet again, the harsh reality will not let that be. well, i guess all i can say is sorry. and all i can hope for is to realize what i have, and maybe this time around i won't let the people i love slip throught my fingers.