Lunch / post from 5-november-2007
Этот старый пост вызывает у меня двоякое чувство. Вроде бы пытаюсь выразить свои чувства, но как-то неудачно, что ли... Я думаю дело еще и в том, что легко догадаться о ком речь идет, так что вдвойне сложно быть искренней :))
Все что здесь написано, не совсем правда :)
Сейчас я написала бы все по-другому, или даже вообще не писала бы.
Но это то, что было тогда...
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Нет. Не получилось. Нечего сказать друг другу. А когда-то не могли наговориться :) А когда-то не могли расстаться :(
And so you look at the man you've once had crash for, and actually it wasn't that much time ago, a year, maybe two, and he is all the same - same eyes, hair, that thin body of his; same conversation, jokes, mimics, behavior... Everything is the same... He didn't change a bit... Why doesn't it touch you anymore?
You've said once you like me because I'm real.
Why do you play?
Why all these games of being cool - oh so cool, of being kinda arrogant... Like, aren't you excited to lunch with me? That kinda can't be true :)
Those silly games the people play... Like, I do care about you (let's not call it love) and I am right here for you, but you prefer not being yourself, prefer to play that role you think so suits you... Like you think I can't see through... "Tell me something", "Tell me something", "Tell me something", for god's sake, tell me something about you!
Yeah, it's probably my fault - of not making good enough comfort zone for you... I'm not good enough for you to trust me, heh?..
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What a great manga chapter would come out of it! But I can't draw it yet! :(
This is exactly the kind of emotions, feelings, thoughts - touching, delicate, sharp - this is exactly what makes those yaoi manga so great!
But until I'll finally learn to draw it, I afraid I won't have such experiences in my life anymore...
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This is just an empty cicada shell.
The transience of happiness and inevitabiliy of loss.
As you go through your life, those empty cicada shells are thrown away and left behind.
You've grown from that experience, from that once important something, you came out of that shell and flew up to the sky.
Those left and thrown shells are just reminders of what you were once.
Of what I was once...
"Shall I grant your wish?"
.