(no subject)
I was ready for the season to end. Counting down the Saturdays and then the days and then the tasks. Thinking this is the last of the carrots we'll harvest this year. This is the last of the daikons we'll harvest. This is the last time we'll drive to work together. And it was good. And we took down the greenhouses, cleaned up the space, got nostalgic about spending time together. Chris built a sendoff fire for us, for the season, for all we did. It raged. We held marshmallows on sticks from a reasonable don't-get-burned distance, and they didn't reach the flames. We laughed and hung out. It felt both right and not real. The end had come without it actually being the end because then there was Saturday market to work. And there remains some putting the farm to bed things to finish up this week, just me and Chris, I expect.
Suddenly, I'm once again in awkward transition space, perpetually uncomfortable because I don't know what I'm doing. Having no purpose and not enough real body exhaustion to sleep for a week. All the things I thought about doing In The Winter feel either too close or too distant, and I feel booked through the end of the year already (though I'm not technically). All the things I let go when I fell into my work, became my work, they need to be looked at and assessed at this point. Friendships and family relationships want reconnected. I need to relight the pilot on my beyond-the-farm life.
I was so ready for the season to end, and I still love working. It's weird and wonderful and daunting to be not doing it anymore.
You're not doing it anymore.
Winter is coming.
Suddenly, I'm once again in awkward transition space, perpetually uncomfortable because I don't know what I'm doing. Having no purpose and not enough real body exhaustion to sleep for a week. All the things I thought about doing In The Winter feel either too close or too distant, and I feel booked through the end of the year already (though I'm not technically). All the things I let go when I fell into my work, became my work, they need to be looked at and assessed at this point. Friendships and family relationships want reconnected. I need to relight the pilot on my beyond-the-farm life.
I was so ready for the season to end, and I still love working. It's weird and wonderful and daunting to be not doing it anymore.
You're not doing it anymore.
Winter is coming.