humor me...

[staleyg]

A Poll:

Has a crush or an innocent brush with the opposite sex helped you to to "refind" the woman you were pre-motherhood? How? Why? Where? When?

Comments

[mamaste]

see. I think that her whole notion is flawed conceptually. because you can't "refind" that woman. I just read an essay about it that I really enjoyed, somewhere, god, maybe someone else will recognize it, that she thought that, you know, when her kids grew up ... oh! it was one of the girlfriends books -- the chick Vicki whoever, "the girlfriend's guide to preg, etc"

she was writing that she thought that when she got the kids real good and growed up that she would be able to send them to school and then just go back to her Before Life. never mind that Her Before Life involved an ex-con drunk boyfriend who played in the city's lake ice hockey league and a slutty roommate who didn't do the dishes ... wait. I'm mixed up, that wasn't her, that was me!

anyhow! that was the jist of it. and the kernel of truth was that for her her pre-baby life involved her husband and wanting babies, etc, blahblahblah. plus! who really wants to go back to all that boring shit? besides Mimi, I mean? I don't know. maybe not and it should just be called "the grownups guide, etc."

I don't mean to say that there isn't room for talk about how motherhood makes you feel sexless. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I guess I object to the notion that I can ever "go back" to the way I was. I can't! not with this big scar!!

[staleyg]

yes!

[esperanzazine]

plus, i think it's minimizing to say that the change in how you view yourself sexually is the way "back" to "who you were"-- the change in my body is the LEAST of the changes since I had kids, and it certainly doesn't make me "refind" myself. That girl is gone, she's never coming back, and you know what? I don't want her to-- I like myself better now.

I've had moments where I realized that maybe I was still attractive to those I was attracted to, but really, it was a ripple in my life, not a big epiphany-moment.

[mamaste]

yes! and yes!!