Absurdity, Madnessity, and Ridiculosity
I hate my life. Hate in a "my life is ridiculous, I hate it but I love it for giving me so many laughs and absurdity."
The fact that I quite possibly, just a little bit, look like a child continues to haunt me. Yesterday I was carded..CARDED to go see "The Ugly Truth." Seriously? There was a bunch of 15 year old girls in front of me who bought the same tickets and not ONE were even questioned. I only know they were 15 because one of them was my friend's little sister. Of course, everyone blatantly laughed in my face. Of course, I became the butt of the joke. Of course it became everyone's facebook status (seriously. Everyone deemed this important.)Of course I would get carded. Minors can strip here in little RI, prostitution is legal behind close doors, but R-rated movies? Don't be absurd! I wanted to die, but it was honestly very funny, if not, a wee bit embarrassing.
Whatevss.
Also, for the first time ever, Kristen, Linds, and I went to the casino--dragged there by Matt, David, and Sean. However, due to a stroke of sheer genius on my part, I suggested we all go in as different aliases.
Kristen created Gretchen Borktov, international Swiss supermodel. Her catch line for every time she won something was to answer her cell with a, "Hallo? Helga? Movie premiere? Ok. I go." and she would just bounce as everyone stared curiously and go to a further table to do the same thing. Too bad she won like once. Haha!
Linds molded herself into a southern belle, Patti Lynn, who had a heavy southern drawl with the catch line, "I think I done gone won the jackpot. Hur-ray."
The boys, well the boys were entirely useless. I had to give them their damn aliases. I had fun with it, but honestly, must boys be so useless? They had to figure out catch lines for themselves. Matt was given the identity of Ivan Aleksander, Bulgarian heir to a hugely successful yacht business. Every time he won, he would shout, "I vinner!" and it was hilar because he sounded like the love child of a gay vampire, from Transylvania, who mated with a German Nazi.
David was given the identity of Dimitri Karkov, Russian heir to the vodka business. His catch phrase was just a grunt and sometimes a strong lip pursed thing. He beasted at the Roulette table. Honestly. Why wouldn't he, right? Haha!
I made Sean into Mathias Heinrich, a Dutch pop star. His catch phrase was a, "Oh jah! Ich vinner!" with a little hip twist. Tres adorb and four times the ridiculousness.
My alias took me a long time to figure out but out of nowhere, I became this (aspiring) French fashion designer, Nadiya Francoise, who is trying hard to quit smoking cigarettes (but is having a hard time because everyone else is smoking in the casino) and makes excuses for smoking anyway. I found a pair of gloves and wore them all day because, "Ze germs. Zey are zo unattracteeve." And my catch line, "Oui. Weening. It iz very attracteeve, but zat man over zere, 'e looks like a conveect. 'Ow unattracteeve. Americanz, zey are not like ze French. I must show everyone een 'ere 'ow to smoke ze cigarette like a weener." Goes to light up "Merde, where are my cigarettes?"
I swear, I channeled pompous, superFrench!Fleur. Except I never got to use it, because that's just plain ol' redounkulous! It's the thought that counts..right? I still won big tho. Shoot.
And with my winnings, I bought a longboard! Whoop! Me and Linds now have longboards and we ride together and achieve hoodrat things. So far we made money doing nothing (spend 10 minutes at the casino and win-because we rock) and then we just board around like punks. She named her board Cali and I named mine..
Misty Rhee. Hahahaha get it? And then I got some Asian penguin stuffed animal and named him Sirius Rhee. Double hahahaha. I kill myself sometimes.
The madness that I call my life.
The fact that I quite possibly, just a little bit, look like a child continues to haunt me. Yesterday I was carded..CARDED to go see "The Ugly Truth." Seriously? There was a bunch of 15 year old girls in front of me who bought the same tickets and not ONE were even questioned. I only know they were 15 because one of them was my friend's little sister. Of course, everyone blatantly laughed in my face. Of course, I became the butt of the joke. Of course it became everyone's facebook status (seriously. Everyone deemed this important.)Of course I would get carded. Minors can strip here in little RI, prostitution is legal behind close doors, but R-rated movies? Don't be absurd! I wanted to die, but it was honestly very funny, if not, a wee bit embarrassing.
Whatevss.
Also, for the first time ever, Kristen, Linds, and I went to the casino--dragged there by Matt, David, and Sean. However, due to a stroke of sheer genius on my part, I suggested we all go in as different aliases.
Kristen created Gretchen Borktov, international Swiss supermodel. Her catch line for every time she won something was to answer her cell with a, "Hallo? Helga? Movie premiere? Ok. I go." and she would just bounce as everyone stared curiously and go to a further table to do the same thing. Too bad she won like once. Haha!
Linds molded herself into a southern belle, Patti Lynn, who had a heavy southern drawl with the catch line, "I think I done gone won the jackpot. Hur-ray."
The boys, well the boys were entirely useless. I had to give them their damn aliases. I had fun with it, but honestly, must boys be so useless? They had to figure out catch lines for themselves. Matt was given the identity of Ivan Aleksander, Bulgarian heir to a hugely successful yacht business. Every time he won, he would shout, "I vinner!" and it was hilar because he sounded like the love child of a gay vampire, from Transylvania, who mated with a German Nazi.
David was given the identity of Dimitri Karkov, Russian heir to the vodka business. His catch phrase was just a grunt and sometimes a strong lip pursed thing. He beasted at the Roulette table. Honestly. Why wouldn't he, right? Haha!
I made Sean into Mathias Heinrich, a Dutch pop star. His catch phrase was a, "Oh jah! Ich vinner!" with a little hip twist. Tres adorb and four times the ridiculousness.
My alias took me a long time to figure out but out of nowhere, I became this (aspiring) French fashion designer, Nadiya Francoise, who is trying hard to quit smoking cigarettes (but is having a hard time because everyone else is smoking in the casino) and makes excuses for smoking anyway. I found a pair of gloves and wore them all day because, "Ze germs. Zey are zo unattracteeve." And my catch line, "Oui. Weening. It iz very attracteeve, but zat man over zere, 'e looks like a conveect. 'Ow unattracteeve. Americanz, zey are not like ze French. I must show everyone een 'ere 'ow to smoke ze cigarette like a weener." Goes to light up "Merde, where are my cigarettes?"
I swear, I channeled pompous, superFrench!Fleur. Except I never got to use it, because that's just plain ol' redounkulous! It's the thought that counts..right? I still won big tho. Shoot.
And with my winnings, I bought a longboard! Whoop! Me and Linds now have longboards and we ride together and achieve hoodrat things. So far we made money doing nothing (spend 10 minutes at the casino and win-because we rock) and then we just board around like punks. She named her board Cali and I named mine..
Misty Rhee. Hahahaha get it? And then I got some Asian penguin stuffed animal and named him Sirius Rhee. Double hahahaha. I kill myself sometimes.
The madness that I call my life.