To be filled out.... Thoughts...
On Fucking Up...
...at work. I guess I'm the type of person who's pretty hard on herself. I'm 3 weeks in to work, and I've already messed up a number of times. Of course, I've done hundreds and hundreds of things successfully by this point (day 15). And I need to remember that people forget things, shit happens, and we need to deal with it and move on. It's of course a push-pull situation, because everyone is expected to make mistakes in the beginning, but you don't want to make enough mistakes early on that people don't think they can trust you. I work in a very integrated environment, where dozens of people are working as a team to get these projects done. My job is pretty much to make other people's lives easier, and messing up isn't one of them. Life lessons.
...with friends. I recently lost something of Becca's, and it took me about 2 days to finally get the balls and tell her. Not necessarily because I didn't want to admit it. Moreso because I didn't want her to get mad at me. I think in my mind, it's like disappointing someone when their expectations weren't even that high..."What a failure of a person," says brain to heart. *heart tucks tail and retreats*
...with Penny. So Penny and I joined a dog hiking group. It's a new thing to Penny -- walking on a leash so often, meeting other dogs while on a leash, not being able to naturally greet dogs... It's also a new thing to me. Anyway, there have been a few "incidents" on these walks -- once when my dad was walking with Penny and the group, and she got out of her collar to run after a dog and greet it. That... pretty much breaks all of the rules right there. And then it makes you feel like you've failed as a parent/owner because you can't maintain control of your child/dog.
I wish Julie were here to say, "She was just being a dog." Like when she killed one of Quentin's chickens. And everyone started telling me about their dogs' chicken-killing tendencies. It was really nice to feel like I wasn't alone, and that my dog was allowed a little slack for being well.... a dog. :)
On working out...
I've been incredibly bad at motivating myself to work out. I definitely need a partner or a group, and I have yet to find that with my interests and my schedule. As of Saturday, I rolled my ankle, and it is still in the heeling process. My hope is to be in jogging shape within a week. Next week, I will attempt rock climbing, and just focus on my other 3 limbs. :)
On cleaning room...
This past week, I finally started to clear my walls of the pictures, posters, cards, calendars, and other odds and ends that previously covered about 95% of the vertical faces. I took down a few Backstreet Boys posters, The Calling posters, pictures and thoughts on love, space, architecture, animals, movies, TV shows, concerts....
It was a bit of a cleansing ritual that I've never gone through.... ever.... because I was such a pack rat about memories in middle school and high school. Now, having gone through college, having experienced love, having pursued a few passions... I guess I've figured out of little more of what stayed in the foundation of "...me...", and what I can leave behind. So I stripped my walls of the non-essentials, and probably have about 10% remaining, if that. It's kind of nice to start over. :)
And start over I will. I'm hoping to have Becca help me redesign and redecorate the room, which will be a nice loop because she was connected to a lot of the interests and activities that used to cover my walls. I think her touch will help me keep a little of the spirit of our younger selves as I move into the next phase of my room... and I guess the next expression of my life. (too cheesy?)
Anyway, more later. I wrote this entry sitting in the backyard with my pretty awesome dog Penny. She makes me happy. I hope she knows that.
-S
...at work. I guess I'm the type of person who's pretty hard on herself. I'm 3 weeks in to work, and I've already messed up a number of times. Of course, I've done hundreds and hundreds of things successfully by this point (day 15). And I need to remember that people forget things, shit happens, and we need to deal with it and move on. It's of course a push-pull situation, because everyone is expected to make mistakes in the beginning, but you don't want to make enough mistakes early on that people don't think they can trust you. I work in a very integrated environment, where dozens of people are working as a team to get these projects done. My job is pretty much to make other people's lives easier, and messing up isn't one of them. Life lessons.
...with friends. I recently lost something of Becca's, and it took me about 2 days to finally get the balls and tell her. Not necessarily because I didn't want to admit it. Moreso because I didn't want her to get mad at me. I think in my mind, it's like disappointing someone when their expectations weren't even that high..."What a failure of a person," says brain to heart. *heart tucks tail and retreats*
...with Penny. So Penny and I joined a dog hiking group. It's a new thing to Penny -- walking on a leash so often, meeting other dogs while on a leash, not being able to naturally greet dogs... It's also a new thing to me. Anyway, there have been a few "incidents" on these walks -- once when my dad was walking with Penny and the group, and she got out of her collar to run after a dog and greet it. That... pretty much breaks all of the rules right there. And then it makes you feel like you've failed as a parent/owner because you can't maintain control of your child/dog.
I wish Julie were here to say, "She was just being a dog." Like when she killed one of Quentin's chickens. And everyone started telling me about their dogs' chicken-killing tendencies. It was really nice to feel like I wasn't alone, and that my dog was allowed a little slack for being well.... a dog. :)
On working out...
I've been incredibly bad at motivating myself to work out. I definitely need a partner or a group, and I have yet to find that with my interests and my schedule. As of Saturday, I rolled my ankle, and it is still in the heeling process. My hope is to be in jogging shape within a week. Next week, I will attempt rock climbing, and just focus on my other 3 limbs. :)
On cleaning room...
This past week, I finally started to clear my walls of the pictures, posters, cards, calendars, and other odds and ends that previously covered about 95% of the vertical faces. I took down a few Backstreet Boys posters, The Calling posters, pictures and thoughts on love, space, architecture, animals, movies, TV shows, concerts....
It was a bit of a cleansing ritual that I've never gone through.... ever.... because I was such a pack rat about memories in middle school and high school. Now, having gone through college, having experienced love, having pursued a few passions... I guess I've figured out of little more of what stayed in the foundation of "...me...", and what I can leave behind. So I stripped my walls of the non-essentials, and probably have about 10% remaining, if that. It's kind of nice to start over. :)
And start over I will. I'm hoping to have Becca help me redesign and redecorate the room, which will be a nice loop because she was connected to a lot of the interests and activities that used to cover my walls. I think her touch will help me keep a little of the spirit of our younger selves as I move into the next phase of my room... and I guess the next expression of my life. (too cheesy?)
Anyway, more later. I wrote this entry sitting in the backyard with my pretty awesome dog Penny. She makes me happy. I hope she knows that.
-S