living on the border
After reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, I have so many thoughts in my head right now I'm having a hard time translating them into words. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's about a woman who has everything she's "supposed" to want (a nice husband, house, career, etc) but is desperately miserable. She gets a divorce, falls
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That book has been recommended to me by several people; and I ran out to the library the first time I read this post. It seemed it was time to go get it. I can't put it down. And while I'm not all the way through it- I am through her love of all things Italian, and her love affair with the language.
When talked that day about the program, and wanting to be empowered and feel like there was something within like you said about Gilbert's thoughts: "God is within. God is love. God is contentment. But it's all within. And it's not easy to access, even though it's in there somewhere".
I have felt that way for years, and am just now wrapping my head around that. Today, for the first time, I got down on my knees and prayed outloud. And maybe it was just to me, or my force in the universe (like you mention her saying that when you're appealing to the universe- something will open up), but I did it. To honor myself, God, and love. I think it was because of the book. Or the program, I don't know. Something just said, do it. I wish that voice spoke more often.
I think you and I grow to be more and more alike as time goes on. Which, is comforting to me. Like we're soulmates or something...maybe we're supposed to look out for each other forever, ya know?
I've always been jealous of your love affair with Nepal. Wishing I could so whole-heartedly immerse myself in something not of my daily life; not of a career, or love of a person, or money, etc. There is a voice in me that tells me to learn Spanish. To go to Spain and Mexico and study art. Maybe help in low income areas design housing. It's nagging at me. Maybe, Spain could be my Nepal- and I've just been so fearful that I haven't allowed myself to really get into what that would entail.
Either way, I respect you. So much. I know how divided you feel; it's been apparent in the way you talk about Nepal, and here. I think you were meant to be this way. It's not always easy- but you've been open to it, and sometimes- that has to be enough. I feel divided every day, in so many ways. And I relate to what you say about being the narrator.
I know this comment is getting obnoxiously long; but I had to write it. I'll finish the book, and let you know what I thought.
~Rafiki
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