(no subject)
Maddy moves to Colorado tomorrow...
Seeing her at school today, at the game tonight, and after the game made me really uneasy n upset... I know how shes feeling and i know what shes going through and yet I can't find any comforting words to tell her or anything... me and her weren't really that close of friends but like... I totally understand what shes going through and how she feels and for some reason I'm feeling exactly that way right now... queasy stomach, burning eyes, a huge knot in the throat, n just wanting to crawl up and cry and hope to wake up with it just having been a nightmare... I feel like its the night of August 15, 2003 and I'm arriving at the Kantor's house ((after having said goodbye to everyone at volleyball at Heritage)) where they will take us to the airport and Kathleen n Brianna are standing there and me and KK are just hugging and hysterical crying as she keeps telling me not to go and to live with her n that I don't have to go... then trying to hide my tears int he car as Lisa plays "goodbye my friend" the whole way to the airport... it's just... i dunno... like... I really don't know what to do with myself anymore... am i happy here? i'm just always doing "the grass is greener on the other side".... is it really better? I DONT KNOW! i cant think anymore... im always shoving away the opportunities to talk about this with my mom and i end up crying uncontrollably again... theres just like.... no answer! i can't find a complete answer and i don't know what to do...
I just know that if I was in Maddy's shoes... I'm thinking about all the things I would change from when I moved here until now...
Seeing her at school today, at the game tonight, and after the game made me really uneasy n upset... I know how shes feeling and i know what shes going through and yet I can't find any comforting words to tell her or anything... me and her weren't really that close of friends but like... I totally understand what shes going through and how she feels and for some reason I'm feeling exactly that way right now... queasy stomach, burning eyes, a huge knot in the throat, n just wanting to crawl up and cry and hope to wake up with it just having been a nightmare... I feel like its the night of August 15, 2003 and I'm arriving at the Kantor's house ((after having said goodbye to everyone at volleyball at Heritage)) where they will take us to the airport and Kathleen n Brianna are standing there and me and KK are just hugging and hysterical crying as she keeps telling me not to go and to live with her n that I don't have to go... then trying to hide my tears int he car as Lisa plays "goodbye my friend" the whole way to the airport... it's just... i dunno... like... I really don't know what to do with myself anymore... am i happy here? i'm just always doing "the grass is greener on the other side".... is it really better? I DONT KNOW! i cant think anymore... im always shoving away the opportunities to talk about this with my mom and i end up crying uncontrollably again... theres just like.... no answer! i can't find a complete answer and i don't know what to do...
I just know that if I was in Maddy's shoes... I'm thinking about all the things I would change from when I moved here until now...