this is sickening
i'm sitting here... back into that self-pity shit.. but its only lasting a few. 6 beers has loosened me up and i'm clearing my head. i'm such a fuck up man. i thought once my dad left i would get shit in check, but here it is, the 20th of December.. and i still haven't registered for next semester. i don't even feel like going. i don't feel like finishing. i know its rediculous but i've lost that will to survive. and i don't mean suicidal.. i mean.. i just don't feel like doing anything anymore. i hate going to work, i hate school, i don't play my bass anymore, i don't write, i don't read. and to top things off.. this chick has got my head in a fucking twirl.
thank god these little phases come in small doses. i think i've done some growing and realized its all bullshit. just face your fear and accept your role. maybe i should go back to my old ways of not giving a shit about anything. i've been trying too hard to find something i can hold on to. i just want to get school over with. there's no fucking easy way out of that one, unfortunately. i should definately stop procrastinating. unfortunately, that is my best talent. i do it with everything... work, school, home-life..... her.
i was so much happier being a complete asshole and treating people like shit. it got the point across. i don't like you, stay away from me.
drinking isn't too much fun. i don't like its effects. quite nausiating. i'd rather smoke myself to this feeling. god i miss getting high. nothing mattered. everything slowed down and i was ok. such a fucking stress reliever. i could regress, but i figure its just gonna make shit roll further and faster down the hill. i think too much. i should delete this post.. i sound like a pussy.. again.
all this being an asshole, and being mean, just to let the facade come crashing down over 6 fucking beers.. and her.
hah... well there's still a 6 pack of Guiness in my room.
merry christmas to all. i hope you get all the material possessions you asked for. nothing like being middle class. but i wouldn't trade what i have now to go back to that shit.
thank god these little phases come in small doses. i think i've done some growing and realized its all bullshit. just face your fear and accept your role. maybe i should go back to my old ways of not giving a shit about anything. i've been trying too hard to find something i can hold on to. i just want to get school over with. there's no fucking easy way out of that one, unfortunately. i should definately stop procrastinating. unfortunately, that is my best talent. i do it with everything... work, school, home-life..... her.
i was so much happier being a complete asshole and treating people like shit. it got the point across. i don't like you, stay away from me.
drinking isn't too much fun. i don't like its effects. quite nausiating. i'd rather smoke myself to this feeling. god i miss getting high. nothing mattered. everything slowed down and i was ok. such a fucking stress reliever. i could regress, but i figure its just gonna make shit roll further and faster down the hill. i think too much. i should delete this post.. i sound like a pussy.. again.
all this being an asshole, and being mean, just to let the facade come crashing down over 6 fucking beers.. and her.
hah... well there's still a 6 pack of Guiness in my room.
merry christmas to all. i hope you get all the material possessions you asked for. nothing like being middle class. but i wouldn't trade what i have now to go back to that shit.