I am not my own...
This week has been hard for me...last night would be more accurate. One of my friends ended up in the hospital. Then something else happened too. And my heart feels like it's bleeding. My body feels like it's been beaten. My head feels like it's about to explode. I spent this morning questioning God. And I've come to the conclusion that inspite of all this bad stuff, God is here and he loves us. Each and every one of us. I don't know why he didn't prevent these things. I almost wonder if it was because I needed a wake up call. I really hope not. But these last 24 hours have brought me closer to God. I left saturday to spend the morning with God. I ended up in a beautiful place and talked with God for a whle but I cut it short because I had to get back to campus for things I said I'd be there for. Then I had an great afternoon. Then the evening the hospital happened. And some other stuff. And I dunno. I went to NLCF this morning and they were talking about Jesus being the only ways. I didn't need philosophy today. But then there was a bible verse...it said "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." I was like "God, how can I not let my heart be troubled after all that has happened?" The answer is the next three words. "Trust in God." Complete and total trust. So I guess I've learned to trust more than I have in a long time. I'm learning to trust completely. That was a prayer I prayed about 2 years ago, long before I became a Christian...that God would teach me to trust. And so he has. I was asking God how he could allow such evil to happen. He died for us. How can I question his sincerity. And I've got answers for the evil as well but I'm not going to go into it right now. I've gotta do my laundry and make a phone call. I hope eventually take a nap. I'm physically and emitionally drained but spiritually, there is still this life. Such an amazing life. I know it will be ok. I trust God. He loves me and he loves those who I'm worried about so much more than I could ever comprehend. I feel safe.