(no subject)
I hate waiting around for people. Like, I've never been good at it. I think I get that from my mom. I'm just so sick of waiting. I feel like I'm waiting all the time. Waiting for my life to start, waiting for people to forgive me, waiting for a second chance, waiting for a better me, waiting for a better life. But really, I'm sick of waiting.
So Justin & I broke up. Ultimately, I don't know whos to blame. I'd like to say it was a mix of his lack of communication skills & my over exaggerations. He couldn't talk about anything & I couldn't stop talking about everything. So he broke up with me. I did everything I could possibly think of to make him want me back. I became the most pathetic girl I've ever known in my whole life. & I hate myself for it. I wanted to badly to believe that he loved me & that I was worth something that I gave up my pride to try to get it back. Obviously my efforts were in vain & now hes forgotten I'm alive. It's ok though.
I have a new boyfriend. Right now that doesn't mean much to me at all. I haven't heard from him since 1 this afternoon. That pisses me off. He usually more attentive. Maybe that's why I like him so much. But I'm not even sure if I trust him. I have these visions going by in my mind of him cheating on me at this very moment. I don't know, I wouldn't put it past him. But in the off chance that he does call me anytime soon I know I'll totally forget I thought any of that & I'll be fine. But really, I'm not fine. I have on his hoodie right now so it smells like he's here, if only he was really here. I have no fucking clue where he is & why hes not answering me. I'm getting increasingly mad by the minute. But once he calls & says all the right things I know I'll be over it. Why do I have to be so completely attention starved? It's pathetic really.
I crashed my car. I hit a fence. The insurance company is going to total it. I fucked up, again. I hate being so good at that. Now I don't know whats going to happen with the car situation.
I feel really low right now. I think I'm just going to shut off my phone & go to bed. That would probably be for the best. For everyone.
So Justin & I broke up. Ultimately, I don't know whos to blame. I'd like to say it was a mix of his lack of communication skills & my over exaggerations. He couldn't talk about anything & I couldn't stop talking about everything. So he broke up with me. I did everything I could possibly think of to make him want me back. I became the most pathetic girl I've ever known in my whole life. & I hate myself for it. I wanted to badly to believe that he loved me & that I was worth something that I gave up my pride to try to get it back. Obviously my efforts were in vain & now hes forgotten I'm alive. It's ok though.
I have a new boyfriend. Right now that doesn't mean much to me at all. I haven't heard from him since 1 this afternoon. That pisses me off. He usually more attentive. Maybe that's why I like him so much. But I'm not even sure if I trust him. I have these visions going by in my mind of him cheating on me at this very moment. I don't know, I wouldn't put it past him. But in the off chance that he does call me anytime soon I know I'll totally forget I thought any of that & I'll be fine. But really, I'm not fine. I have on his hoodie right now so it smells like he's here, if only he was really here. I have no fucking clue where he is & why hes not answering me. I'm getting increasingly mad by the minute. But once he calls & says all the right things I know I'll be over it. Why do I have to be so completely attention starved? It's pathetic really.
I crashed my car. I hit a fence. The insurance company is going to total it. I fucked up, again. I hate being so good at that. Now I don't know whats going to happen with the car situation.
I feel really low right now. I think I'm just going to shut off my phone & go to bed. That would probably be for the best. For everyone.