snitched ☄ women are NOT bears, apparently

[stagginurparty]

1. Does it have large, pointy teeth?

Dunno, she doesn't really smile at me all that much.

2. Does it smell like musky leaves and dead fish?

No, she smells like flowers and sunshine and Quidditch broom polis- wait, strike that last bit. S'only my hands. Just the flowers and sunshine then.

3. Is it brutally attacking you?

Not this second, n- ...Okay, yes.

4. When you look into its eyes, do you see the fiery bowels of Hell?

Only sometimes.

5. What does it do when you offer it goat blood?

D) She recoils in horror and starts throwing shite at me IT'S ONLY A BLOODY EXPERIMENT GODRIC'S BONG CALM DOWN PLEASE.

6. If you had to guess, what would you say is its favorite color?

C) Other colors - RED AND GOLD, BABY, YEAH.

7. Is there blood on its fur?

B) Some blood although she says it's just jam - am not sure if she's being truthful.

8. What does it do when you offer it candy?

B) It does not take the candy even though I totally spent no few Galleons and made Fortescue crap his knickers when I bought this much ice cream what the hell, woman.

9. Is it making a sound?

B) Yes. It is making a sound like a chains- What the bloody hell is a cheenseow?

10. What does it do when you taunt it?

B) It claws out my eyes and then stabs me repeatedly with what I can only assume are also its claws but I can't be sure because I no longer have eyes. Could be her wand, but who bloody knows.

11. Does it enjoy classical music?

B) I can't tell, but if yes, we might have a problem because two words. Stubby and Boardman.

12. Take the square root of however many more seconds you expect to be alive. What is your answer?

...It wants me to do arithmancy? MOONY, GET YOUR GIT ARSE OVER HERE, I GOT A THING FOR YOU TO BE DOING.