If you don't wanna hear me whine, don't read this!!!!
It's honestly way too late to be doing this, but I can't sleep.
I have just been feeling miserable lately.
Everything that has happened to me this semester is just crashing on my shoulders and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. This makes me very uncomfortable because I'm used to being able to handle anything.
If you are a close friend you know everything that has happend. If you are a good friend you know most of what's happened. If you're a casual friend I've probably told you pieces of what's happened if I've been drinking, lol.
It seems I've had a huge event happen every month of the semester.
August I moved into school and life was pretty good. I got along great with my roomates and school. I started directing my first show and I got cast in a Main Stage show! So the semester had an amazing 2 week start to it!
September, the first show I directed was performed and it was a great success...right after that show though I had one of the hardest nights ever when David and I broke up. I'm glad I was strong and stood by what I wanted, but it's never easy to hurt or leave someone you've loved for so long. Especially when you still have a great deal of respect for them and want the best for them. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you're not the best for the person you love and you need to let them find what that is. It was also really hard to accept that I had changed so much that I simply wasn't the woman he had fallen in love with. Even though I'm the one who initiated the break up...it was still really difficult.
October. Aye! Here starts the beginning of what I like to call "The Vitzie Curse." The curse goes like this: "Any guy that Vitzie is interested in and they are interested in her is taken and will stay taken even if that choice isn't what would make them the happiest." So I have the trip to Michigan/"California." And that was my birthday month, and as you all know I adore my birthday! But that month was the epitomy of what it means for something to be a blessing and a curse. I never would've guessed that so soon after my break up with David that I would have to go through heart ache all over again! I just got so caught up in this fantasy world to the point where I was starting to believe it was real...until it just crashed and shattered. On top of all that there was another guy that month who fit perfectly into "The Vitzie Curse" equation. He wasn't NEARLY as much of an experience as "California," but it was still there. Plus, I was trying my hardest to get my character down for "Polaroid Stories."
November. I was trying to deal with "Polaroid Stories." I was excited to be a part of it, but I spent so many hours in tears over it that it just really brought me down sometimes. Then show time comes and I actually start feeling really good about things. The night the adjudicators were there though crashed all of those feelings. It pretty much got ripped apart as far as acting goes. I know everyone said not to let it bother me, but it did. All those hours and effort and work and sweat just to have two people come and say that it wasn't all that good...yeah, that's gonna hurt. On top of that, I had friends with the best of intentions, trying to set me up with this guy that I had only met once at a party. I didn't even want anything to do with it at first, but they seemed pretty positive that it was gonna work. So I thought, 'what the heck. I'll give it a try.' And what happened!? He wasn't AT ALL interested and I just ended up feeling dumb and ugly! It's no one's fault. I'm not mad at anybody for that by any means. I just really wish it didn't happen. I wish the party coulda been a good memory at a good party and that coulda been the end of it. Then there's this other guy who's very cute and very sweet and...per my usual experience this semester...taken! We're attracted, we had a good night, and I'm pretty sure that's where it's gonna end. At least he's not ignoring me. He's actually being a good friend, so I do appreciate that. It's still hard to deal with though. On top of dealing with these social things, I have to get 2 auditions ready pretty much in the next 2 days.
December...it's not even here yet and it's hectic! I have 2 auditions that are really big deals! One for Crossroads Reperatory Theatre and the other for the chance to go to Ireland! That's also finals time. That's also when my duties as Pledge Master for TAP come full circle because that is initiation time.
So here I am right after Thanksgiving Break, and I already feel behind. I just can't catch up! Before the end of the semester I have to perform 2 advanced acting scenes, perform in 2 advanced directing scenes, direct 1 advanced directing scene, write a big directing paper, figure out how to survive my history final, write 2 philosophy papers, write 20-30 more pages of a one act play, commit myself to sporatic hours of rehearsals, and deal with any general homework that may come my way! I don't know how to deal! I just want to crawl in a hole and cry for a few days!
I'll be okay. I always am. I just needed to vent.
If you're at the point where you're reading this, you obviously care about me a whole lot to have read this entire whining rant. So thank you for caring so much.
Here's to a better Spring Semester!
I have just been feeling miserable lately.
Everything that has happened to me this semester is just crashing on my shoulders and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. This makes me very uncomfortable because I'm used to being able to handle anything.
If you are a close friend you know everything that has happend. If you are a good friend you know most of what's happened. If you're a casual friend I've probably told you pieces of what's happened if I've been drinking, lol.
It seems I've had a huge event happen every month of the semester.
August I moved into school and life was pretty good. I got along great with my roomates and school. I started directing my first show and I got cast in a Main Stage show! So the semester had an amazing 2 week start to it!
September, the first show I directed was performed and it was a great success...right after that show though I had one of the hardest nights ever when David and I broke up. I'm glad I was strong and stood by what I wanted, but it's never easy to hurt or leave someone you've loved for so long. Especially when you still have a great deal of respect for them and want the best for them. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you're not the best for the person you love and you need to let them find what that is. It was also really hard to accept that I had changed so much that I simply wasn't the woman he had fallen in love with. Even though I'm the one who initiated the break up...it was still really difficult.
October. Aye! Here starts the beginning of what I like to call "The Vitzie Curse." The curse goes like this: "Any guy that Vitzie is interested in and they are interested in her is taken and will stay taken even if that choice isn't what would make them the happiest." So I have the trip to Michigan/"California." And that was my birthday month, and as you all know I adore my birthday! But that month was the epitomy of what it means for something to be a blessing and a curse. I never would've guessed that so soon after my break up with David that I would have to go through heart ache all over again! I just got so caught up in this fantasy world to the point where I was starting to believe it was real...until it just crashed and shattered. On top of all that there was another guy that month who fit perfectly into "The Vitzie Curse" equation. He wasn't NEARLY as much of an experience as "California," but it was still there. Plus, I was trying my hardest to get my character down for "Polaroid Stories."
November. I was trying to deal with "Polaroid Stories." I was excited to be a part of it, but I spent so many hours in tears over it that it just really brought me down sometimes. Then show time comes and I actually start feeling really good about things. The night the adjudicators were there though crashed all of those feelings. It pretty much got ripped apart as far as acting goes. I know everyone said not to let it bother me, but it did. All those hours and effort and work and sweat just to have two people come and say that it wasn't all that good...yeah, that's gonna hurt. On top of that, I had friends with the best of intentions, trying to set me up with this guy that I had only met once at a party. I didn't even want anything to do with it at first, but they seemed pretty positive that it was gonna work. So I thought, 'what the heck. I'll give it a try.' And what happened!? He wasn't AT ALL interested and I just ended up feeling dumb and ugly! It's no one's fault. I'm not mad at anybody for that by any means. I just really wish it didn't happen. I wish the party coulda been a good memory at a good party and that coulda been the end of it. Then there's this other guy who's very cute and very sweet and...per my usual experience this semester...taken! We're attracted, we had a good night, and I'm pretty sure that's where it's gonna end. At least he's not ignoring me. He's actually being a good friend, so I do appreciate that. It's still hard to deal with though. On top of dealing with these social things, I have to get 2 auditions ready pretty much in the next 2 days.
December...it's not even here yet and it's hectic! I have 2 auditions that are really big deals! One for Crossroads Reperatory Theatre and the other for the chance to go to Ireland! That's also finals time. That's also when my duties as Pledge Master for TAP come full circle because that is initiation time.
So here I am right after Thanksgiving Break, and I already feel behind. I just can't catch up! Before the end of the semester I have to perform 2 advanced acting scenes, perform in 2 advanced directing scenes, direct 1 advanced directing scene, write a big directing paper, figure out how to survive my history final, write 2 philosophy papers, write 20-30 more pages of a one act play, commit myself to sporatic hours of rehearsals, and deal with any general homework that may come my way! I don't know how to deal! I just want to crawl in a hole and cry for a few days!
I'll be okay. I always am. I just needed to vent.
If you're at the point where you're reading this, you obviously care about me a whole lot to have read this entire whining rant. So thank you for caring so much.
Here's to a better Spring Semester!