I brought my CDs into work today...
... and I found one I made forever ago with a bunch of Queen on it. It's glorious. I listened to it in the car on the way home.
I'm working my fifth day in a row tomorrow, and I've only made like 500 bucks.... if I hadn't pulled that double on Saturday, I'd be resting at 400.
I love Ed's, but I really need to get another job...
... and I can't help but feel like my managers secretly hate me and are only nice to me because they need someone to work those five shifts a week. I feel like Scott is genuine, but I feel like I'm always disappointing the other two in some way. It's troubling, and it makes me all the more relieved to walk in and have Uncle Mike or Letty managing. Sad. I really liked that place when I first started.
I had a conversation with Eric a while back about how the entire Ed's dynamic has changed so much in a year and a half. We used to have so many different and interesting servers, most of which are gone. Everything was new and exciting, we'd have two managers per shift and a bartender on weekends. Everyone used to get along and go to Friday's together after evening shifts, and the only thing you'd ever complain about would be the crazy lady from table 21 who didn't watch her nightmare kids, and even that would only bother you until someone said something amusing, reminding you of why you loved hanging out with them in the first place.
Now, I look through pictures that I took when we first opened, and half the people in them are GONE. They've either transferred downtown, quit, or been fired. I've been to Friday's with the old group once in the past 6 months, and I found us all doing less laughing and more moping than we ever did before. Nothing is new and interesting anymore. Granted, there is no longer drama about who kissed who at Friday's, but at the same time, there's no more, "Hey, remember at Friday's when so-and-so did this? Hahahahaha, good times!" either.
As much as I hated running all his food, I miss how Slick used to spend every waking moment in the DJ booth and still managed to make as much if not more money than all of us. I miss watching McFly dance. I miss having whipped cream fights with Chalie. I miss feeling bad for Mike Ryan and always tipping him out more than I had to for bartending. I miss cracking jokes about Superman and underage boys. I miss everything about working with Gitchell. I miss Lamorne's karaoke bonanzas. I miss enjoying dancing. I miss the CD Gretchen made with "Paperback Writer" on it. I miss the feeling of importance I used to get after singing. I miss hearing Loren call kids "turds" and rip their hats off and stomp on them all while singing "New York, New York" on the wireless mic. I miss coming in every morning and being excited to see my managers; now I let whose managing dictate whether or not I move up. I miss being able to let loose and push boundaries and have fun with my tables; now I constantly mind my p's and q's and make sure I say nothing remotely offensive and am ALWAYS checking over my shoulder to see who is within earshot. I miss not feeling like everything I did or said to Bill or Judy was a giant disappointment. I miss telling my friends to come in and eat so they could see me in action. I miss saying "I work at Ed Debevic's Yorktown!" without saying "Yorktown" under my breath. I miss wanting to get there at 10:30 just to see my coworkers even though the shift didn't start until 10:45. I miss not caring whether or not I got a good parking space before my shift because I'd always have someone to walk me out at the end of the night. I miss people being nice to me there because they WANTED to, not because they felt like they HAD to. I miss skipping class to pick up shifts. I miss Jake coming to visit me at work and having the entire staff pull me aside and tell me they approved. I miss Phil's giant Ringo button. I miss hearing Becky grumble about her costume. I miss Loren. I miss writing down all the funny things people said and quoting them later in my livejournal. I miss that whenever we felt like complaining, we could say things like, "But wait! Let's talk about something that DOESN'T piss us off!" and everyone shouting, "Tooooooom!" I miss the electricity that used to be in the air when Eric, Slick, Gretchen, Diana, Patrick, Loren, McFly, and me worked a Saturday night shift. I miss everything about Patrick. I miss the "Pepperopoly" CD. I miss Diana. I miss not feeling like everyone was only cordial to me because we work in the same restaurant and are forced to breathe the same air.
Last year's Christmas party was spent seeing how many people I could talk to; this year's was spent seeing how quickly I could get out of there without looking like a bitch and smiling in photographs with people who I'm pretty sure can't stand me.
I miss how things were. I hate how things are.
Every day my life grows more monotonous. I smile when I really want to scream obscenaties. I look at things a year ago, and they've, for the most part, gone way downhill. I have lots to be thankful for, true, and there are tons of moments when I'm incredibly happy, but as each minute ticks by, I'm dying to get away.
Far away.
I'm working my fifth day in a row tomorrow, and I've only made like 500 bucks.... if I hadn't pulled that double on Saturday, I'd be resting at 400.
I love Ed's, but I really need to get another job...
... and I can't help but feel like my managers secretly hate me and are only nice to me because they need someone to work those five shifts a week. I feel like Scott is genuine, but I feel like I'm always disappointing the other two in some way. It's troubling, and it makes me all the more relieved to walk in and have Uncle Mike or Letty managing. Sad. I really liked that place when I first started.
I had a conversation with Eric a while back about how the entire Ed's dynamic has changed so much in a year and a half. We used to have so many different and interesting servers, most of which are gone. Everything was new and exciting, we'd have two managers per shift and a bartender on weekends. Everyone used to get along and go to Friday's together after evening shifts, and the only thing you'd ever complain about would be the crazy lady from table 21 who didn't watch her nightmare kids, and even that would only bother you until someone said something amusing, reminding you of why you loved hanging out with them in the first place.
Now, I look through pictures that I took when we first opened, and half the people in them are GONE. They've either transferred downtown, quit, or been fired. I've been to Friday's with the old group once in the past 6 months, and I found us all doing less laughing and more moping than we ever did before. Nothing is new and interesting anymore. Granted, there is no longer drama about who kissed who at Friday's, but at the same time, there's no more, "Hey, remember at Friday's when so-and-so did this? Hahahahaha, good times!" either.
As much as I hated running all his food, I miss how Slick used to spend every waking moment in the DJ booth and still managed to make as much if not more money than all of us. I miss watching McFly dance. I miss having whipped cream fights with Chalie. I miss feeling bad for Mike Ryan and always tipping him out more than I had to for bartending. I miss cracking jokes about Superman and underage boys. I miss everything about working with Gitchell. I miss Lamorne's karaoke bonanzas. I miss enjoying dancing. I miss the CD Gretchen made with "Paperback Writer" on it. I miss the feeling of importance I used to get after singing. I miss hearing Loren call kids "turds" and rip their hats off and stomp on them all while singing "New York, New York" on the wireless mic. I miss coming in every morning and being excited to see my managers; now I let whose managing dictate whether or not I move up. I miss being able to let loose and push boundaries and have fun with my tables; now I constantly mind my p's and q's and make sure I say nothing remotely offensive and am ALWAYS checking over my shoulder to see who is within earshot. I miss not feeling like everything I did or said to Bill or Judy was a giant disappointment. I miss telling my friends to come in and eat so they could see me in action. I miss saying "I work at Ed Debevic's Yorktown!" without saying "Yorktown" under my breath. I miss wanting to get there at 10:30 just to see my coworkers even though the shift didn't start until 10:45. I miss not caring whether or not I got a good parking space before my shift because I'd always have someone to walk me out at the end of the night. I miss people being nice to me there because they WANTED to, not because they felt like they HAD to. I miss skipping class to pick up shifts. I miss Jake coming to visit me at work and having the entire staff pull me aside and tell me they approved. I miss Phil's giant Ringo button. I miss hearing Becky grumble about her costume. I miss Loren. I miss writing down all the funny things people said and quoting them later in my livejournal. I miss that whenever we felt like complaining, we could say things like, "But wait! Let's talk about something that DOESN'T piss us off!" and everyone shouting, "Tooooooom!" I miss the electricity that used to be in the air when Eric, Slick, Gretchen, Diana, Patrick, Loren, McFly, and me worked a Saturday night shift. I miss everything about Patrick. I miss the "Pepperopoly" CD. I miss Diana. I miss not feeling like everyone was only cordial to me because we work in the same restaurant and are forced to breathe the same air.
Last year's Christmas party was spent seeing how many people I could talk to; this year's was spent seeing how quickly I could get out of there without looking like a bitch and smiling in photographs with people who I'm pretty sure can't stand me.
I miss how things were. I hate how things are.
Every day my life grows more monotonous. I smile when I really want to scream obscenaties. I look at things a year ago, and they've, for the most part, gone way downhill. I have lots to be thankful for, true, and there are tons of moments when I'm incredibly happy, but as each minute ticks by, I'm dying to get away.
Far away.