I broke his heart
I broke joshs heart the other day. I finally told him the truth, the truth that i really wasnt expecting to get back together ever. He was upset and he tried for an hour to have me not leave so easily but did. I went over there today (x-mas eve) to give him $100 i had of his and his knife. I also wanted to give him his christmas present. I went over and he's asleep and im trying to be friendly because we wanted to be friends after all was said and done. He ends up waking up finally and he tells me he cant ever be friends again and he never wants to see me again either because it hurts too bad. He said we should act like "strangers" for the rest of our lives. OUCH. I cried and walked outside. I felt like i had just lost my best friend, its like he had just died and i would never see him ever again. I was crushed. I got in my car and left, my eyes were blurry from all the tears and i was just trembling because i couldnt take the thought of losing him as a friend. But as i got off 66 towards my house my phone vibrated and i got a text message, which said:
"You looked adorably beautiful the first time we broke up i though i was going to be fine, then we got back together and i realized how much i really love and care for you and i never wanted to lose you ever again but then i fucked up real bad and lost you and then i came up with the bright idea that we should never see eachother ever again. I dont want that and i know you dont either, i still want to be best friends and who knows maybe more one day! I fucking love you from the bottom of my heart
Joshua
it was the nicest thing he has ever said to me let alone the most heartfelt thing ever. I definately cried for awhile after the text message because now i dont know if i can find someone that is that sweet to me and cares about me that much. I think its just going to be hard because i have no one to fall back on. Im going to be horribly lonely for a little while, no one to hold me no one to care about to that extent. It kinda sucks but im just really glad we can still be friends, No one knows me as well as he does and i just dont think i was ready to loose my best friend.