(no subject)
So, I have finally rid myself of Justin. No more being yelled at because I know something he doesn't. No mare feeling bad that I did't call him when I said I would. No more wondering who Katie is....yeah I found out. He didn't cheat but oh was he going to. Anyway, he is now blocked in every way. There is no more feeling bad about breaking his heart because I know I didn't. He didn't love me, I was just a toy to have around. He's selfish in every way. In love, sex, reason, and thought. I have to show my love constantly but he can just let his sit to the side. When he's done with me physically, it's done, he got what he wanted, doesn't matter what I want. And by the way the fucking loser couldn't last more than 5 minutes. In reason and thought, basically he's an idiot who thinks he knows everything. He actually told me that paper wasn't around until the 1920's. What a fucking retard! And he argued about it! Who the fuck argues about when paper was invented!? Ugh. Anyway, so he's out of my life and all I can do is say that I gave it a shot but he has no fucking respect for anyone but himself. He doesn't even really have that. He only spends 20 dollars on his bills and then the rest goes to weed, cigarettes, and food. And generally he takes my fucking cigarettes. All he does is work to buy weed, (he just quit yesterday), and of course smoke 100 dollars worth in a day, play video games, watch movies, and sleep. What a winner. When I actually took a second and thought that those things are all higher on his list then me, I finally asked myself what the fuck I'm doing with a guy like this. I still haven't even gotten a b-day present. And yesterday he said he was going to take me out to an early dinner but that changed because...and I quote "that's before I found out we were getting drugs". So, i realized that it's bullshit that he loved me and bullshit that he cares about me. He doesn't give a fuck what I think or how I feel. All he cares about is that i'm there to please him because I'm head over heels for him. Well...no more. He's a fucking waste of my time and I know I'm better off without him, his mom even told me that! I hope the kid ends upi living in his car and going to jail...then maybe he'll realize that he needs to fucking grow up and start thinking about other people as well as himself and not think he's gods gift to the world, cause in my opinion the only thing he's good at is being a brother to Jess, and even then he ignores her alot. But the only time I ever noticed him care about anyone over himself was when he thought he dissapointed his sister. So what happens if she does something he doesnt like. Does she get the three strikes your out rule like everyone else? Is he really gonna push away and disown his little sister like he does everyone else. Probably......cause he's an ass and he'll probably never change. SO there ya go. Like I said, I gave it a shot, but I deserve better. I would rather be alone and wait for something better to come along someday. I'm 19, I'm gonna start having fun instead of worrying, but I'm gonna be smart. I'm not gonna be controled by some guy anymore because I'm fucking sick of it. I choose what I do in my life, not him. If I want to try something without him, I'm gonna do it, if i want to go somewhere that he doesn't approve of, I don't give a fuck what he thinks. So now he can go have fun with his little friend Katie from work that he thinks I don't know about, and I'm gonna finally be myself and not act how he wants me to act.