(no subject)
I hate thinking. I've been thinking a lot lately, about jobs, about moving, about family.
I'm updating this quickly before work so I'm not going to write detail or anything, I'm going to generally explain. For instance the family part. Between my dad's side of my family and my half-siblings, I literally feel like I was adopted. Not in the good way where they treat me like part of the family, but in the bad way where I always feel like I'm in trouble, or awkward conversations, or the fact that I don't know any one of my relatives on a personal level, and they don't have any clue of who I am either. It doesn't bother me much, but it makes me feel guilty about living in Sheboygan. Because I don't see them or call them or do anything to show them that I care or that I'm even around. I feel like I'd feel less guilty if I lived far away because then I wouldn't feel like there's an option to see them or talk to them. Not that it's a bad thing to talk to them or anything, it'd be nice if they wanted to get to know me. But since it's such an awkward situation, and they don't ever seem interested in me, I'd rather just move lol.
Jobs. I still want to maybe get a second job. Either a second job, or college. But first I need to overcome my greatest fears. It's not easy, obviously it won't be, but I wish I could more easily overcome things.
Also, side note, but a good reason to blog. I'm very angry and confused and can't believe I'm still not over it. But I can't wait for the feeling of relief to set in. I don't know why... and it makes me mad. I already said that, but I wanted to firmly state it.
I'm updating this quickly before work so I'm not going to write detail or anything, I'm going to generally explain. For instance the family part. Between my dad's side of my family and my half-siblings, I literally feel like I was adopted. Not in the good way where they treat me like part of the family, but in the bad way where I always feel like I'm in trouble, or awkward conversations, or the fact that I don't know any one of my relatives on a personal level, and they don't have any clue of who I am either. It doesn't bother me much, but it makes me feel guilty about living in Sheboygan. Because I don't see them or call them or do anything to show them that I care or that I'm even around. I feel like I'd feel less guilty if I lived far away because then I wouldn't feel like there's an option to see them or talk to them. Not that it's a bad thing to talk to them or anything, it'd be nice if they wanted to get to know me. But since it's such an awkward situation, and they don't ever seem interested in me, I'd rather just move lol.
Jobs. I still want to maybe get a second job. Either a second job, or college. But first I need to overcome my greatest fears. It's not easy, obviously it won't be, but I wish I could more easily overcome things.
Also, side note, but a good reason to blog. I'm very angry and confused and can't believe I'm still not over it. But I can't wait for the feeling of relief to set in. I don't know why... and it makes me mad. I already said that, but I wanted to firmly state it.